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Rise of the Flames Chapter 2



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Sat Jul 16, 2011 4:52 pm
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Ignatius5453 says...



Chapter Two





“Whoa!” I crashed into the ground hard. Next to me, my stalker landed deftly on his feet. Jumping up, I readied to dash away, but my stalker caught me, a firm hand on my shoulder. I slapped his hand away and threw a fist at his face. My knuckles crashed into something hard with a resounding crack. The ground felt soft as I fell to it, clasping my throbbing hand.

“Mr. Black, I would advise you not to try and hit me. Thank God you can’t punch very hard or my valkyr would’ve destroyed your hand,” his voice was even, despite almost being punched in the face.

“Now, I have no idea where you’ve dragged me off to. But I’m going back home, and you’re going to undo all this magic trick stuff you’re pinning down on me,” I was really angry, but mostly scared. Trying to put two and two together when you have no idea what the hell just happened to you is unsettling to say the least.

“I am afraid that is not possible Mr. Black,” my stalker started to walk away, and for the first time I noticed my surroundings. Everything around me was tinted blue, even the grass. Behind me and to my right, towering trees rose into the sky, their leaves oddly sinewy and long. In front of me the ground sloped up, climbing up toward a hill’s crest. On my left a small stream trickled, steadily crawling away. A little farther that way a few ponds had collected, all huddled together. My surroundings seemed normal, but they were far from it, very far from it. The very air seemed to be blue, little tendrils of blue floated around. They looked like pieces of string that were taken away by the wind. In the sky there was no sun, no visible source of light, yet all around me it was as bright as noontime, “It would behoove you to follow, none of the Aether are safe to be in,” my stalker had stopped his ascent up the hill to call back to me. I took one look at those trees and knew he was right. The shadows were thick between the boughs; darkness clung to each tree trunk climbing into each one’s eaves. The forest did look very ominous. I scrambled to my feet and ran to catch up to my stalker. He was half way up the hill before I caught up to him, panting and out of breath.

“Hey,” I bent over and sucked in some wind, “I don’t think where ever you’re going will appreciate me showing up in nothing but a pair of boxers.”

“Hmmm. I have to agree with you there. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know, like a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, maybe some comfortable tenni’s,” with a wave of his hand I was wearing a pair of white tennis shoes with white shorts and a Duke University Basketball t-shirt. I nodded in approval, eyeing myself up, “Not half bad. How’d you know I liked the ‘Devils?”

I looked up waiting for an answer, but he was already farther up the hill; I had to run to catch back up to him. We came to the top of the hill, I was hunched over again attempting to catch my breath. Looking over at him, I noticed he now donned a three piece suit with a purple tie and top-hat.

“Nice get-up,” the words had barely escaped my mouth when he clamped his hand firmly over it.

“Now would be the perfect time for some silence,” he stood there waiting for something, his hand pinning my lips together.

“What is your business Solomon?” this voice came from nowhere. It sounded pretty pissed off, though.

“Believe me Montague I would not be here unless it was of great importance,” I stood next to Solomon listening to him having a conversation with this invisible person, the whole time thinking that he’s completely bonkers too.

“It had better be extremely important. There will be many people that won’t be please by this,” Montague replied.

Solomon stepped back, tugging me along with him. We stood there for a split second, waiting. On the hill-top a massive mansion materialized out of nowhere.

“Whoa, that was… dirty,” the mansion had to be close to eight floors and stretched across the entire hill-top. It looked very gothic, old schoolish. Its walls were black marble and the windows were silhouetted with a kind of white stone. Rustic curtains pulled across each window hid the interior from the outside world. As Solomon dragged me forward, the enormous door in front of us opened up. We entered a small dimly lit room. The walls were painted an austere black and only a tiny light bulb, it looked like it was the very first one every made, provided light for the room. The walls were bare, and there was no furniture in this tiny room, save an old, rusted coat hanger.

“Montague,” Solomon extended his arms.

“Please,” Montague held up his hand, a disdainful sneer skipping across his face, “There is no need of a greeting. We have been apart for too short of a time.”

I didn’t like the way this guy said ‘too.’ Honestly, I didn’t like this guy at all. His face was well groomed and his hair was slicked over, like some choch from the forties. The suit he was wearing had coattails that hung down past his knees, and he had those little beady eyes like a weasel. Montague gestured us to follow him and led us out the door.

“Sick…” I held my breath as we walked into a sprawling room. It was beyond belief, the entire room was circular, eclipsing into a high dome. Intricately carved designs hung above the statues that circled the rooms. Dozens of painting lined the walls around the room, and way above us light beamed down from a huge glass roof sixty feet up. The only thing you could compare this room to would be the Rotunda on Capitol Hill. Easily more than a hundred people stood around on the floor. They were all exquisitely dressed, and a few danced as music played from an unseen source. Men in suits walked arm-in-arm with gorgeous women, leading them onto the dance floor. Tiny tables with hordouvres were scattered among the men and women.

“I just walked into the fanciest party in the Universe,” I whispered to myself, “I am so not dressed for this,” I swallowed hard, praying I wouldn’t stand out.

“Stay here,” Solomon grabbed my shoulders, looking me right in the eyes, “Don’t go anywhere.”

He followed Montague across the floor and through a door. Standing there alone, I had never felt so out-of-place. I couldn’t figure out what to do with my hands. They kept darting in and out of my pockets and flopping behind my back. I looked everywhere, watching the people move. Once in a while people would look at me and stare awkwardly. Eventually I made my way over to an empty group of chairs and took a seat. A small cloud of dust erupted from the seat as I plopped onto it. I laced my fingers together and hunched over in the seat, laying my forehead on them. I stared into the ground, pretending I didn’t exist.

“Hey,” I had heard the footsteps walking towards me, and looked up as she dropped onto the seat next to me. My heart skipped a few beats. Her blue dress was studded everywhere with gems, and she wore a tiara thing on her blond hair. I had though my hair was blond, but hers was completely golden. Looking into her eyes was like staring into the ocean… deep and blue.

“I shouldn’t be here,” I told her. Right now I was praying I wouldn’t say anything stupid like: ‘I’m in love with you,’ or ‘marry me?’

“It doesn’t appear so,” she laughed. God, was it perfect. Right now it looked like everything about her was perfect, “Where are you supposed to be?”

“Honestly, I have no clue. The last hour has been rough.”

“Last hour has been… rough? What do you mean?”

“Well… rough. Like I’m having a crazy bad day.”

“Crazy bad day? Why is it you speak so unusually?”

“Uhm,” I rubbed my temples. This girl was high-society, I needed to talk like a sophisticated human being, not like normal me, “W-ll, I –ont, noi –ow-“

“Dear Lord your accent is horrible,” she cut me off with her laughing. For some reason I’d started speaking in a British accent, and apparently butchered it.

“Sorry, it’s just-“ I tried to explain, but then she cut me off.

“Do you want to dance?” she asked.

“Yeee, I don’t-“ she dragged me out of the chair by my arm, “I really don’t think I should!”

“And why should you not?” she paused, surveying me. She was an inch or so taller than I was, but she was wearing heels.

“Well, for starters I’m not that well dressed, I don’t want to offend anyone,” there was no way I was going to go out there and show her my two left feet. As a rule, I don’t dance because of it.

“That can be fixed,” she looked me up and down, then started dragging me in another direction. She led me off to a sheltered door, hidden by a Venus statue. It swung in on itself as she approached with me in tail. We stepped into a coat closet, a big one at that. The closet was bigger than my entire living room and kitchen combined, “How tall are you?” she asked me as she walked over to a rack with suits.

“Like five-eight, maybe five-nine,” she handed me a suit off a rack and a frilly white shirt, “I can’t put these on, they’re not mine!”

“Oh shut up and put them on!” she called to me as she was walking out of the closet, “And hurry up about it!”

I took off my Duke shirt unwillingly and slipped on the frilly shirt. I hated dressing up. I put my shirt and shorts on one of the racks and slid into the suit.

“Crap, I need a belt,” looking around at the racks, I grabbed a black one. There was a mirror hidden behind one of the racks. I pushed a few coats aside and took a look at myself, “Not bad.”

I rubbed my eyes and realized I forgot to take my contacts out the night before. No wonder my eyes hurt, I’d slept with them in. After I slipped them out, I stuck them in one of the pockets in my coat. I have colored contacts, usually blue or green, because my eyes are really grey. I hate how they have like no color at all.

I emerged from the closet feeling fly. She was standing right outside and immediately took my arm. She led me to the center of the floor and positioned her hands.

“Uhhh, this is the part that I’m bad at,” I just stood there feeling awkward while she held my hands and started to dance. I had no idea how to waltz or fox-trot or what-ever we were doing, but she led me around for about a minute.

“Dear God you are horrendous at dancing, do you know how to do any dance?” she stopped and eyed me up with uncontrolled amusement.

“I can slow dance and do the worm…”

“Brilliant!” she laughed and clapped her hands. The music changed. There was a saxophone playing softly and a flute or clarinet or something or other humming away in a slow melody. She took my hands and placed them on her waist.

We danced the remainder of the song and for good measure I tried on of those things where the guy leans the girl over. It failed miserably, I almost dropped her.

“I assume you would be appreciative if we just stopped dancing?” she was laughing at me.

“That would be epic,” we walked back over to the seats where I had been sitting at first, “I never caught your name miss.”

“Mallory, Mallory Blaylock,” she held out her hand, wrist cocked slightly. I took it gingerly and shook it. She laughed at me yet again, “You’re supposed to kiss it Mr. Einstein.”

“My apologies Miss Blaylock.”

“That’s unfair.”

“What is?” I asked her.

“You know my name, yet I don’t know yours,” Mallory smiled at me, every tooth in her mouth like a tiny little star.

“Well it’s-“

“Benjamin Black!” Solomon called at me from across the room. The music stopped. Nobody made any noise. All eyes were on me. Mallory’s mouth had dropped open and she’d let out a not-so-small gasp. You probably could've cut the tension in the room with a butter knife.

I stood up uncertainly and began to walk towards Solomon, feeling the stares of each person like a million pins in my back.

“It would not do to make any friends here,” Solomon’s voice was stern. He led me out of the dance hall and into a large room with an ascending stair.

And we went up. And up. And up.
Flightplan 49
  





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Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:17 pm
WRITINGNEON says...



THIS ROCKS!!!ii love it! its so good!
we stitch these wounds
  





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Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:13 am
IcyFlame says...



Again, somehow I've landed on someone's chapter two! Gah! Curse you shuffle button, curse you!
*Ehem* Anywaaaaaay, onto the review.
Nitpicks
Ignatius5453 wrote:“Whoa!” I crashed into the ground hard. Next to me, my stalker landed deftly on his feet. Jumping up, I readied to dash away, but my stalker caught me, a firm hand on my shoulder. I slapped his hand away and threw a fist at his face. My knuckles crashed into something hard with a resounding crack. The ground felt soft as I fell to it, clasping my throbbing hand.

This could potentially be a good description, but not as the first sentence of the chapter. I would suggest using more of the second paragraph as that's a much better fiction hook.

Ignatius5453 wrote:“I am afraid that is not possible Mr. Black. "My stalker started to walk away, and for the first time I noticed my surroundings. Everything around me was tinted blue, even the grass. I think the character would have a bigger reaction to this, or at least wonder why.Behind me and to my right, towering trees rose into the sky, their leaves oddly sinewy and long. In front of me the ground sloped up, climbing up toward a hill’s crest. On my left a small stream trickled, steadily crawling away. A little farther that way a few ponds had collected, all huddled together. My surroundings seemed normal, but they were far from it, very far from it. The very air seemed to be blue, little tendrils of blue floated around. They looked like pieces of string that were taken away by the wind. In the sky there was no sun, no visible source of light, yet all around me it was as bright as noontime, “It would behoove you to follow, none of the Aether are safe to be in,” my stalker had stopped his ascent up the hill to call back to me. I took one look at those trees and knew he was right. The shadows were thick between the boughs; darkness clung to each tree trunk climbing into each one’s eaves. The forest did look very ominous. I scrambled to my feet and ran to catch up to my stalker. He was half way up the hill before I caught up to him, panting and out of breath.

A lovely description for the most part!

Overall
This was a really nice read and I especially loved the last line. You were able to show not tell very successfully and your style of writing is pleasant. Keep using that keyboard!
  








A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde