Young Writers Society

[Again, continuation. For anyone still reading this, thank you very much for sticking with it. I'm still developing it and working on it. Thanks for any comments and advice.]

Such fantasies were ridiculous to the elder villagers, and they laughed at the children and their imagination.
“It’s nothing like that. The rest of the world leaves us alone – do not go looking for trouble and it will not go looking for you.” They would say, condescending and fearful at the same time. The pending arrival of the tourists unnerved them. Never before had foreigners visited for extended periods of time; the entire village was anxious.
Meanwhile, threads of a shadow watched all the commotion from a high vantage point on the outskirts of the village. The Sun was beating down upon its back, and the network of twigs clawed viciously at its toned arms and legs. The face was square, yet slender, which was emphasized by the pronounced cheekbones and sharply defined chin. Deep purple circled the eye sockets, highlighting the many hours of sleep lost and even more days spent watching the rest of the world.
The stranger was known throughout the village as El Salvador de la Selva. A silent ghost whenever the people attempted searching for it, yet a raging, and honorable defender of the village if trouble ever found them.
For as isolated and seemingly peaceful as the village was, chaos did rear its convoluted head on occasion.
Yet tonight, there was calm around the area. The weather had cleared; the people were working, the children playing. Routine had colonized this community for the most part, and their ‘Saviour’ was content to relax and observe the serenity that had ensued from their efforts. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day.


The truck was old.
There was little more that could be said about the relic that was currently transporting them through the dense agglomeration of leaves and vines. The engine rasped breaths that sounded horrifically final at times; nonetheless, the heavy rubber tyres continued to drag the heap of metal across a rapidly degenerating road, closer and closer to nothing but more vegetation.

It’s nothing like that. The rest of the world leaves us alone – do not go looking for trouble and it will not go looking for you.” They would say, condescending and fearful at the same time. The pending arrival of the tourists unnerved them. Never before had foreigners visited for extended periods of time; the entire village was anxious.

Meanwhile, threads of a shadow watched all the commotion from a high vantage point on the outskirts of the village. The Sun was beating down upon its back, and the network of twigs clawed viciously at its toned arms and legs. The face was square, yet slender, which was emphasized by the pronounced cheekbones and sharply defined chin. Deep purple circled the eye sockets, highlighting the many hours of sleep lost and even more days spent watching the rest of the world.

The stranger was known throughout the village as El Salvador de la Selva. A silent ghost whenever the people attempted searching for it, yet a raging, and honorable defender of the village if trouble ever found them.

For as isolated and seemingly peaceful as the village was, chaos did rear its convoluted head on occasion.

Yet tonight, there was calm around the area. The weather had cleared; the people were working, the children playing. Routine had colonized this community for the most part, and their ‘Saviour’ was content to relax and observe the serenity that had ensued from their efforts. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day.



The truck was old.

There was little more that could be said about the relic that was currently transporting them through the dense agglomeration of leaves and vines. The engine rasped breaths that sounded horrifically final at times; nonetheless, the heavy rubber tyres continued to drag the heap of metal across a rapidly degenerating road, closer and closer to nothing but more vegetation.

Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers.
To envy.
To madness.
Betrayal.
Love.
And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing.
But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love.

There are some errors

I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I didn't understand your review. You just copy and pasted my work, and half my signature.

Hello again! Sorry about the delay, but I am here now.

The end made me sad. But only because it stopped right when you were starting something new. xD Silly cliffhangers. Fortunately, this isn't a chapter. Just a portion of your story. Sooo it should flow well into your part 4, and I won't have to say something like "bad cliffhanger" or anything.

I noticed there seemed to be confusion as to dialogue grammar. Fortunately, Demeter wrote an awesome and simple article called Punctuation Within Dialogue. Something to learn from for future works!

Okay, the real review.

The elders laughed at the children. D: Sounded so mean. But it sounds strangely realistic that they don't seem to care about the tourist news. xD Nice job.

I felt like half this stuff was repeating what was said in part 2. For instance, we already knew the village doesn't see much action at all, and the stranger was already described in the waaay beginning with the rainy weather. In fact, I'd probably stick with appearance description (if any at all) in just one spot. Otherwise, it's a weird case of deja vu for the reader.

But then there's this part!

For as isolated and seemingly peaceful as the village was, chaos did rear its convoluted head on occasion.

It was way more interesting, but it only lasted a sentence. xD A little more teeeeaser! Especially since it has something to do with the story. I'd rather have story-time history lessons rather than economical and political history lessons. Hopefully that makes sense?

I'm trying to pinpoint what I'm thinking... I'm curious as to how much of this information plays into your story, I guess! Obviously, I haven't read the whole thing. But it is a little weird to read right now, and the only reason I'm reading is to figure out what all this information has to do with the plot. So maybe there's nothing to change [yet], just more posting! I'm obviously confused/intrigued.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!