z

Young Writers Society


The Diamond Fist: Prologue



User avatar
39 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 573
Reviews: 39
Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:30 pm
HHemayed says...



Hi!This is excellent!
I think it's a bit long, but I'm no expert.

I didn't notice anything wrong or mysterious, but there's one thing:
(around neck)
I think you ought to say: (around my neck)

Good luck with everything. Keep writing. :D
To be alive is not to breathe, eat or drink. It's your ability to prove your existence.
  








We wandered the halls of an infinite magic nursing home, led by a hippo nurse with a torch. Really, just an ordinary night for the Kanes.
— Rick Riordan, The Throne of Fire