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The Ten Nymphs - Chapter Two



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Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:04 am
Supernova77 says...



The Ten Nymphs


Dear Readers,

My first chapter turned out to be a success :shock: (I hope), so I tried to write the next chapter. I hope everybody likes it! For those who haven't read my first chapter, I suggest that you do.

Regards,
Nova

Chapter Two


"Uh . . . I think I saw a rat, or something . . . I freaked out and dropped the glass." I was horrible at lying and besides I knew that it was hopeless telling my mother about how I saw a "ghost". She raised an eyebrow.

"Fine. Clean up the mess and come down for lunch." She turned and walked down the stairs. Blue looked at me and opened her mouth to speak. I raised my right hand in a manner of saying: "Hold It!".

"Before anymore irritating responses, EXPLAIN."

"I am afraid that I cannot. For that, I will have to show you something."

:wink:


“I am not too surprised,” said Zoë. “I give her one mission, and an entire week to complete it, but she still didn’t finish! This is way too much, you have to do something!” She turned and looked at the Seer.

It was early morning in the ‘Giant Windmill’, or as it was called.

The Seer, in her long purple robes, turned to Zoë and smiled. “You worry too much, Zoë. Stop worrying! As you can see, Blue is one of our best members, she is the best when it comes to taking care of things like this. This is what all of you have trained for, is it not?” She said, looking at Zoë.

“Yes, but, I think that we should send more nymphs there, just in case!” Zoë said, looking at the Seer.

“That is quite impossible and is quite out of the question. All of us are trying to do something about Avon, you know that is true. Avon has killed so many of us, there are only ten of us left, from the hundreds that use live on this land. We cannot risk it. There is a very slight chance that Avon is going to attack Blue. He isn’t stupid. He won’t attack us either. He has suffered enough the last time he came.” She sighed and sat down on the only free chair that was left. All of the other chairs (and not to mention the tables) were all covered in open books and sheets of paper. There was a quill and an ink bottle, too.

“You should clean this place, once in a while. It is really getting messed up.” The Seer said randomly.

“That was Blue’s job, too.”

“Just because she is younger than the rest, doesn’t mean that she has to be the one to do all of the cleaning, you know. Perhaps, you should try doing it in a while.” Zoë sniffed. Before she could reply, a loud noise could be heard. It was very high – pitched. There could be no mistake. That was the horn that sounded whenever anyone of the Nymphs were in trouble. It served as a way to call for help. Each of them sounded different, so they could identify who was calling.
Yep, there was no doubt about it. Blue was calling for help.

:wink:


Blue sighed and leaned against the wall.

“I guess I’ll have to explain. But, there isn’t any time for that now. Sadly, you will have to come with me for now. When we get there (supposing everything goes well), I will tell you everything. Now, are you coming with me or not?” She gave me her hand.

I looked at her in surprise. “Okay, but tell me where we are going first of all. Also, why nobody can see you, except me?”

“Ah, that! I thought you had already guessed it out. It is pretty simple. Any normal kid would have gotten scared of me the minute they saw me . . . but you are an exception. Either you are not afraid of me, or, you are just plain stupid.” What kind of a choice was that? That was definitely not fair. Anybody could see that!

“Alright, I get it. You are a ghost, aren't you?”

“Ah! So you are an idiot after all! I got it right!” What?! This didn’t make sense . . . . Then I remembered the time when we were playing Throw – Ball. Blue threw the ball at me. That meant that she could hold it and weren’t ghosts supposed to be able to pass right through objects?

“The, what are you? You aren't a ghost, I know that.”

“I am a Nymph.” I stared at her in surprise. “You don’t look like a cockroach.”

Blue grabbed my hand and began running down the corridor until she reached the stairs. Then, she pulled me in front of her, and then she pushed me down the stairs. I plummeted down, until I reached the floor. But, for some reason, I didn’t crash into it. There was something under me that cushioned the fall. It felt like a large pillow. It was very soft. I looked and I found that, I was floating a few centimeters from the ground. Then of course, I began screaming.

Blue slid down the banister and looked at me. “You definitely make a lot of noise. The reason that I pushed you down was because it was the fastest way to get you down.” She said, giving me her hand. I took it and I stood up. There was a small Whoosh like as if the thing under me had turned into air and I was standing on the floor.

Blue once again, grabbed my hand and began running. She pushed me through the door and pulled me through the garden.

“Where are you going to take me?” I asked.

“Oh, you will know soon enough.”

:wink:


“Do you have any idea where the horn is blowing from?” Zoë asked looking quite surprised and rightly so.

She was one of the best trackers that they had. She could track and identify almost everything. Although most of the Nymphs couldn’t hear the sound of the horns that bellowed from the different locations of the Nymphs that needed help, Zoe could. She was born with that talent. That was the exact reason why, she was not allowed to go for any missions. She always had to be next to the Seer’s side so that; she would be able to send reinforcements to where the horn sounded from.

Weirdly, now she could not. She couldn’t understand from where the horn was from. She knew it was Blue’s but where? She asked the Seer to try and find the location, as the Seer could see the Future, the Past and the Present in different locations. It was pretty dangerous too, because every time the Seer tried this, she could feel herself getting weaker and weaker, until finally, she needed help. Usually, she used to feel quite sick, but after a good nap, she always felt better. Nowadays, she would fall into a long coma that she would take a few days at the least, to be able to revive.

"I don't know about that, Zoe. We might need to use this for trying to get to the others. You don't know what we might need it for, do you? Why don't you try again? Perhaps this time, you might get to Blue." Said the Seer.

"That is quite impossible. What worries me is that this has never happened before. Perhaps we are weakening because we have to use up so much of our powers to keep Avon at bay. But, I will try again, if you insist."

Zoe closed her eyes and played the music from the horn from her memory again. Then, she suddenly started to get images in her head. There was a large white tower, completely made up of Pearls. There were large windows, that were covered in designs. There was a large picture on one of the windows of a person completely covered in white cloth, standing over one in black. Yep, she knew where this was. There was no mistaking all the brightness.

Blue had ended up right in front of Avon's castle.

Zoe turned and told the Seer this. "But that is not possible. Blue is not that stupid!" Zoe said after she had told the Seer everything. The Seer started to smile.

"Did Avon really think that he could trick us by using such a stupid trick? It is pretty obvious. He probably made a copy of Blue's horn and then blew it, thinking that we would go right into his little trap." She said, looking at the doors of the large windmill. "Once we have added that little girl, we will finally be able to take back what was really ours. That is the only reason for this war. If Avon hadn't butted into our land and taken it up as if it was his, then there wouldn't have been so many problems and wars between us. We would be at peace. But then again, this is what Avon wants, isn't it?"
"But I don't want to be with mad people!" Says Alice.

"Oh, you can't help that, we are all mad here."

- Extract from Alice In Wonderland.

And, it actually makes sense! :o
  





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Mon Aug 08, 2011 10:51 am
IcyFlame says...



I'm going to confess first-off that I haven't read your first chapter, and although I intend to it's likely I'll forget :)
Nitpicks
Supernova77 wrote:I raised my right hand in a manner of saying: "Hold It!".

This is written in a strange way. Is there any way you can change or rearrange it? Only it reads weirdly.

Supernova77 wrote::wink:

Why is this here?

Supernova77 wrote:It was early morning in the ‘Giant Windmill’, or as it was called.

It looks as though you've either ended the sentence in the wrong place, or put in a word too many. If it's the latter the 'or' needs to be removed.

Overall
Your grammer was okay, and spelling was good. I'd just suggest you try reading it aloud to yourself and seeing if it flows. I'm not a big fan of having lots of separated bits of writing in one chapter, it gets confusing; especially when the pieces in between are very short. On the whole this has the potential to be a good story, you just need to revise the way you are writing it.
  





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Tue Aug 09, 2011 3:00 pm
SubjectBlue says...



I read your first chapter, and I recall asking you for the next, took you long enough!
just kidding of course, but I really enjoyed this, I think that some parts of the story are written a bit too bluntly, you shouldn't reveal all the story to the reader in chapter 2.
aside from that and a few mistakes here and there, that I'm in no condition proper to fix, this was really nice, I feel like the story is going somewhere.

waiting for 3.
'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.' -Stephen G. Tallentyre

"Great minds think alike- idiots are unpredictable"

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"We're just all nosy little busybodies."
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