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The Sharing In Power Chapter-2



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Points: 936
Reviews: 12
Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:17 pm
Rahul says...



Chapter-2
Life is fun

I saw a dark black sky with no stars. I couldn’t see the ground everywhere it was fogy the white fog covered the whole ground like a blanket. The elevated ground was lost in the black atmosphere like they both have joined hands and never wanted to be apart, I can see the pale white moon it was never as white and gloomy like this . I don’t know why it felt like it was not moon which we see, it was sad, gloomy, distressing and depressing white ball which was not happy with the dark, foggy, fallen dead branches atmosphere around it.
The tall black trees stared unwillingly at the sky, as they have been forced to do so. The trees seemed to be departed from life. In short the atmosphere was neither less than a dead second hell in this world
Then I saw a tall man wearing a hood I couldn’t see his face as it was too dark. I don’t know why I had an intention he is strong, very strong. There was another man lying down same dressed as him. He looked rather scared and was breathing hard.
“I don’t know sir” the weak man feared.
“You liar” the strong man shouted.

“You are trying to contact them specially her, Eva” he fumed with anger.
“You deserve to be punished” and then a red light, came from his hand and threw the weak man to the tree. The man tried to free his hands but they were tied with some invisible bond, the man cried, sobbed but that didn’t extinguish the strong man’s anger.
“Now good bye” the man laughed

“N- no” he cried and then the strong man with the same red light flew the branches and hit them in his stomach. The weak man shouted, liters of blood flew through his body. His black robes were now red robes. Slowly and slowly his breath grew weaker and weaker. “Now let me remove the spell which connects you”. The strong man mumbled some words which made the man on the tree cry as if he was being tortured by pinching hundreds of nails and then the weak man passed away.

“No!” A fifteen year old girl woke in her night dress. She struggled hard to breath, it took a few seconds for her to realize that it was a dream, and that’s me Eva Lyons. I realized I had tangled myself in the sheets, “Oh Man!” I cried as I couldn’t get them away, finally after ten minutes I was standing in my blue shorts, checking my hair.
“Good Morning honey!” my mom wished while chopping the onions. My mom was a good old lady, she was pretty what others and I believed her blue eyes always fascinated me and always made me wish if I could have them.

“Mom I had that same dream again.” I told her.
“It’s okay may be this is due to weather” She spoke while putting her overcoat.
“Seriously, what Weather?” That till now makes me feel confuse
“Now dear sorry I have to rush, dad’s already gone we both have to prepare for a meeting, we will talk later” She kissed me and went running to the door.
“Like always” I muttered.

My parents were good and supportive but I still believe that I don’t get enough time to spent with them I ignored her and went to washroom so after half-an-hour I was ready with my favorite green Madame Emo top waiting for the bus to drive us to school and there was our school bus J.P.S (Joseph Peter High School).
“Hi Eva” I heard a voice from the window and saw Kisha waving me. Kisha is my best friend since kindergarten, She is tall, skinny girl with curly black hair she has a habit of gossiping to others.
We both studied in same school till our High School; it was impossible for both of us to drift apart “Hey” she hugged me.

“Good to see you back, how is you grandma?”I asked.
“Better, you know her it was just a normal viral she thought she is going to die but after two injections she was again okay shouting and yelling at me” she giggled.
“Oh my someone has got a new hairstyle” she checked my flicks
“I made them; curly just love them!” I replied.
“Do you want to impress someone?”she winked and raised her eyebrows.
“Shut up please Alain is our friend” I defended
“Come on we all know he is the most handsome boy in our school, and you are just adorable, there ought to be going on something between both of you”. she again giggled

“Yea, like between you and Ryan” I stooped her. This was the best way to stop her, tease her in the name of Ryan. That makes her ‘Ewe!’ .
“Ewe!!” she cried. (I told you).
“He and me never, we both are just wicked”. she smiled.
“Do you know I got the same dream again” I told her.
She twisted her tongue “again this is the third time in this week! Which one you had the one in which a person asking you for help or the one in which someone dies?”
“The one in which someone dies, ignore it” I called,

I was right this was now a type of a daily nightmare apart from where the weak person dies I get a dream where someone in a very deep scared voice calls, “Eva Help us!” almost every day I get these dreams
“Eva why don’t you throw this pendent, Kisha stared at my blue diamond pendent,
It was a locket having a diamond material stone, it was round and gave a dull blue shin it also had a ring like structure making it look uglier.

“Come it’s from my grandmother” .I hid the locket under my shirt
”The school’s here” Kisha pointed.
Our school was not a very big school, but I liked it because it was one of the sweetest things I like in Loran Town. A small yellow building whose gates are always open.
I held the handle and went down “I am telling you ju-”


“Hola Ladies!” we were interrupted by Ryan, my friend he is a jolly guy who loves to play pranks on others; he is very mischievous and has been suspended twice this year. He and Kisha just hit off together, seriously alike, like twins. “Yes Ryan take the assignment it’s in my bag” I pointed .
“Thanks by the way how is you Aesthetic going on?” Kisha asked.

“Nothing I was just bored so I; you all know glued Ms. Geller paint brush she just couldn’t get her hand apart, finally she was taken to hospital where it got away.” He smiled.
“Someone wearing her favorite top” Ryan commented on me
“Yes just like this” I blushed
“Ryan please tell Kisha not shout every time she sees me ’Eva!’” I walked to the stairs
“Why does that make you fell embarrass in front of Alain but he isn’t there that time is he?” Ryan asked and Kisha gave a smile.
“You both I-” and then someone smashed the school door from inside.
“Aoo!” I cried.
“It must be them” Kisha ran inside and held a girl’s hand.
I also knew it must be Deby and Reby my enemies. Deby and Reby almost looked alike both were short, wore same blue bracelets, and had a similar voice.
“Seriously Deby what’s the problem with you?” a guy who was tall as me and had jet red hair asked.
“Alain!” Reby sighed.
“I saw you Deby, why did you do this?” Alain asked.
“Sorry Alain, I didn’t mean to hurt you, sorry Eva” and they both went away.
“Seriously Alain if you tell these girls to jump even into a well, they will say ‘Oh Alain! I didn’t mean to hurt you okay I will jump” Ryan commented which made all of us laugh.
“Hey Eva nice flicks” Alain commented.
“Ahm-Ahm, need some air” Ryan lowered his shirt.
“Ryan honey do you need a cough syrup or a punch?” I asked.
“Nothing Eva”, nothing” He hesitated.

The day was good, just like my normal day Ryan getting punishment from his Aesthetic teacher of painting four landscape for our school exhibition. Deby and Reby getting totally flat on Alain etc.
*
“Seriously Mrs. Beckons is the second Hitler I-“ and then splash! Deby hit me and splashed water on my Madame top in the cafeteria of the school
“Oops! Sorry Eva pardon me” Reby smiled in a wicket manner
“It was my favorite!” I exclaimed.
“You girls” Kisha tightened her fist.
“Kisha leave them I have a better plan” Ryan interrupted.
“You do whatever you want to but I wouldn’t stop” and she punched Debby which made her fall on the waiter carrying French fries, tomato ketchup.
“Oops Sorry Deby did that hurt you? We wouldn’t do it again” Alain laughed.

“These girls need to be stopped!” Kisha fumed with anger.
“I mean it’s my favorite top!”I looked at my top which had now patches of water
“Don’t worry I will take revenge” Ryan consoled me
“Come on Eva lets got to washroom I have hair dryer in my backpack” Kisha held me
“Yea okay wait what??? You have a hair dryer!” I shouted.
“Shh! Don’t shout I carry it just for fun and it’s just water it will dry up with this” she pushed me to washroom.
“Alain I have a plan which will teach these Deby-Reby a lesson” Ryan whispered. “But you have to support me”.
(After few minutes)

“Hi Deby, Hi Reby” Alain went to the girls table who were chatting about some nail colour.
“Hi Alain why don’t you have a seat” Deby sighed, the whole cafeteria stared at both of them, all knew that Alain wouldn’t even dream to talk to Debby or Reby.

“Girls I am extremely sorry for my past behavior wan to be friends?”Alain asked with his steely eyes.
“What are they both up to?” I whispered. I don’t know but I think it’s going to be cool” Kisha giggled.
“Now I would like to have some French fires” Alain called the waiter.
. “No sorry Alain I just-”
“Please” Alain held Deby hand in his hand.
“Oh Alain! Okay” Deby replied.
“Want some ketchup?” he handed the bottle of Ketchup to Deby.

“Oh Alain! You are so sweet” Reby said, then Deby opened the seal of the bottle; took out the cap and then I heard a blast, I turned around “Oh my God!” Kesha’s mouth was wide open and we both saw Deby and /Reby covered in tomato ketchup, the bottle was lying on the floor and both of them were covered with French fries and ketchup.
“That’s girl, Baking Soda reaction with Ketchup pay some attention in the class” out of nowhere Ryan patted Debby’s shoulder.

“Oh!!”they both ran away with shame.
“Good work Alain “ they both gave a high-fie.
The whole cafeteria hooted for us, some even whistled.
“Good work guys!!!” they exclaimed.
“How was our plan Eva?” Ryan asked.

“It was great” I hugged Alain in joy so did Kisha to Ryan
That was my life a fun filled life, with my three best friends. But we didn’t know tomorrow our life will be different, by the day after tomorrow we would be somewhere else, where we are challenged by death, a test of our friendship which needs to passed Otherwise…..
  





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Points: 1813
Reviews: 38
Sat Sep 10, 2011 3:22 pm
ChocolateMoonLight says...



Hey! Rahul

sorry to review this late, but I'm here now...

l'm really disappointed by this chapter. When I read the edited version of the first chapter I expected this to be something good, but this one just crushed my hopes. It had so many grammatical errors, wrong sentence construction and paragraph spacing was all messed up. You also need to work with the way you want this story to go.

It was awfully long, you should know when to break up for next chapter. Don't get me wrong I like to read long posts but they should be interesting enough and this wasn't. This was just like I was reading a cheezy teen novel whose writer had no idea of what he wanted his characters to be. Make the readers want to believe that characters like this can actually exist in real world. Your characters don't have any dept. You need to work awfully hard on you descriptions, they were at someplace really absurd. You need to describe your characters properly. We don't need you describe them whole in just one chapter, take it gradually, slowly unfolding different characters of M.C.'s as the story demands. Don't just give it all once because you are writing about their history in one chapter.

Kisha is my best friend since kindergarten, She is tall, skinny girl with curly black hair she has a habit of
gossiping to others.

This for example, you just wrote this one like you write about your M.C. Kisha in points and this what you came up with. Write something like-
Kisha is my best friend since kindergarten.She is a skinny girl with a tall frame reaching almost 5''4. Her curly black hair flipped around her pretty face as she waved at me excitedly.
The gossip part isn't really necessary here.

Ryan, my friend he is a jolly guy who loves to play pranks on others; he is very mischievous and has been suspended twice this year. He and Kisha just hit off together, seriously alike, like twins.

This one here is pretty messed up too.

sorry I'm being pretty harsh but that will really benefit you.

Hope this helps you...

Keep writing...

-moon-
Spoiler! :
Checkout the different shades of sunset...
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