Young Writers Society

Have you ever experienced a moment that was so surreal that you weren't sure whether or not it truly happened? Ever go through a whole day, and wake up the next morning wondering if it had all been just a crazy dream? Now picture going through your life that way; not knowing whether or not what you were doing was real, or just some bizarre portion of your imagination. Stumbling around in a world you weren't even sure existed.

That's basically been my life over the past three months. If you had asked me three months ago whether I was capable of the things I was destined to do, I'd have told you that you were out of your mind. If you asked me today if I was somewhat of a monster... somewhat of a killer... I would tell you that you are absolutely correct.

It's been a long, terrifying three months- months that I simply wish I could forget. I've done things I'm not at all proud of, things that belong to a nightmare, not my life.
But it is my life. Real, or unreal, it's the world I live in. The world I am forced to live in.
Without my permission, I became a part of this fantasy world, where nothing made sense, except for one simple fact: I could not be in love with him anymore. The one person who I adored, the one person who truly got me was no longer allowed to be part of my life,

Instead, I had been ordered to kill him.

This is my story. My retelling of what happened to me, my friends, my family... what happened to my life. Reader, beware: my story is one beyond reality,and I never said it would be pretty.

Who am I?
What am I, for that matter?
You'll learn in due time.
But don't say I didn't warn you.

You say it's a prologue and as a prologue it's done its job! It drew me in, adding a little bit more and a little bit more sentence by sentence until I've got a general picture in my mind and am curious for more. I'm especially curious about (and I believe you planned that) who our main character loves and has to kill. The fantasy world itself is intriguing in the feeling that it generates of being unsure what's real. I assume you'll be continuing?


some small edits

weren't sure whether or not it had truly happened? Ever go through a whole day, and wake up the next morning wondering if it had all just been a crazy dream?

I would have told you that you are absolutely correct.

But it is my life. Real or unreal, it's the world I live in. The world I am forced to live in.

Hi there Briggsy.

So I think you've a good idea on how to attract an audience - you got the ingredient of suspense so well into this small prologue. However, that is not the only thing one should include in a prologue.

In actuality, your prologue is simply the repetition of the same idea except it's written in various different forms. The key words/line that I have deduced from this prologue is something around: I am not you average teenager and I have a very surprising adventure story to tell you. Unfortunately, when I phrase it like that, it sounds very cliche. Numerous authors have used this theme before in various books such as Twilight,City of Bones and The Summoning. Now, it's not bad, this theme, but you must be the one to make it originally yours. Put a twist on it. And, yes, you kind of have, but this start really makes me think particularly of a book called The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong. It's got a very similar plot going on. If you haven't read the book, you may not understand, but if you're curious about its similarities to your prologue, I suggest you do take a look at it.

Doubly, you introduce a romance, which really gives everything away. I bet you the protagonist will be torn between what she has to do and her true love? It's quite cliche, that, but if you want to keep it in without some changes, that's okay. It is your story after all! Nevertheless, I suggest you do not mention this romance in the prologue because then you've pretty much given away the whole story and the readers can win an easy guessing game. Keep some things secret and in the dark, eh?

Now for some of the mechanics!

or just some bizarre portion of your imagination. Stumbling around in a world you weren't even sure existed.

That fragmented line starting with 'Stumbling'is confusing. A lot of the time, fragmented sentences work, but there is a reason why they are often frowned upon and that is because they can sometimes cause the prose of a piece to become confusing and jumbled. I suggest that you join that sentence with the previous one (the one ending with the word 'imagination') and so it might look something like this:

or just some bizarre portion of your imagination, Stumbling around in a world you weren't even sure existed.

Another thing related to mechanics is your use of some ellipses in the second paragraph. Remember, ellipses are quite informal and are often only used when writing a dialogue, to indicate that a character is trailing off on their sentence. Here is a decent article about ellipses including dashes and semi-colons.

Reader, beware:

I struck that out for a simple and easy reason: redundancy. It's kind of odd to write in a piece of fiction, whether or not the point of view you are using is first person or second or third. It doesn't matter - it's slightly bizarre.

Overall, I thought it was a decent prologue - better than some that I've read before. However, it still possessed quite a few cliches, but that's only natural for a writer to unintentionally use cliches. Still, try and make something your own and original. Nevertheless, I liked this. It's a good start and I hope you have fun writing the rest of your novel

Yours,
Lavvie