Young Writers Society

I gaped at Aslan as he took another draw off the cigarette. Every time he looked at me, he blushed, and I couldn't help but notice just how cute he was looking.
"Um.." Aslan ground the cigarette into the nearby wall and let it drop to the ground. "I'm Aslan," He smiled charmingly, tilting his head at me.
"Cedric," I nodded back. Gah, I thought. He has such a cute smile. I immediately scolded myself. Don't think like that! You are NOT gay!
But still, I couldn't help but notice the way he was looking me over. I gave him a quick glance-over myself and saw with disgusting delight and satisfaction that he was wearing skinny-jeans, making his legs even more defined than they already were. I gulped.
He took another step closer to me, looking like he wasn't thinking. To both our surprises, I didn't back away, even when he put a hand on my arm.
Just kiss him! said the tiny voice in my head. You know you want to!
I smiled as Aslan pulled me closer, and I ran a subtle hand up his skinny-jeaned leg.
Aslan suddenly pulled me to a kiss, and I didn't hesitate to kiss him back, pinning him against the burgundy brick wall as Aslan's tongue invaded my mouth, meeting my own almost shyly.
I cradled the back of his head in my hand, kissing him more deeply. His hand tangled in my hair, tugging slightly. I smiled, my hand slipping to his waist.
"Damn.." he muttered, closing his eyes with content. God he's such a good kisser. Aslan thought.
I didn't reply, continuing to kiss him, my hand running up and under Aslan's shirt and feeling his bare torso. Aslan smiled and kissed me fiercer, his hands resting on my lower back. I couldn't help it-my hand slipped into his pants, skimming his boxers as I tried to resist the temptation. He continued to kiss me as though nothing was happening, his own hand slipping under my shirt like mine had his. He ran a hand over my chest, feeling my abs as my hand slipped further into his boxers.
I noticed the figure out of the corner of my eye and choked on Aslan's tongue. "Oh God..uh, Aslan.."
Aslan's eyes opened and he noticed the figure as well. He scrambled out from under me, just giving me enough time to yank my hand out of his pants. "It's not-we can explain-" he stuttered.
Mr. Ale loomed over us. "You two. My office. Now."
I gulped and stood fully, not realizing that I had been crouching over Aslan the entire time. "But sir..."
"My office. Now!" Ale snapped.
Aslan hung his head, not daring to look either of us in the eye as he did what he was told. I walked beside him, and resisted the urge to grasp Aslan's hand in my own.

Kay, nitpicks!

"I'm Aslan." he smiled...

Should be a capital 'H' here.

"Cedric." the other boy nodded back.

This should be "Cedric," the other boy nodded back.

Gah, Cedric thought. He has such a cute smile. He immediately scolded himself. Don't think like that! You are NOT gay!

If you're going to display thoughts, they should be in Italics-- so the reader knows they're thoughts. Since you seem to be telling us a lot of his thoughts I'd consider re-writing this in first person.

and he ran a subtle hand up Aslan's skinny-jeaned leg.

Onhonhonhon *blush*.

Mr. Ale loomed over them. "You two. My office. Now."

NO it was just getting good!

Over all!

Ffff ohmygod I think I'm in love with you. You do need to work on your grammar, though. (But still it was adorable mushy fluffy amazingness and I'm in love with your characters.)

Ahem...well. Wow.

Very well-written, but a few critiques:

Every time Aslan looked at me, he blushed, and I couldn't help but notice just how cute he was looking.
"Um.." Aslan ground the cigarette into the nearby wall and let it drop to the ground.

Since this is written from first-person, you don't have to use Aslan's name so often. Actually, up until Mr. Ale turns up, you could probably get away with just saying 'him,' 'he,' etc.

making his legs even more defined then what than they already were.

pinning Aslan against the burgundy brick wall

Other than that, I didn't really see any errors.

As I said before, it was pretty well-written. The emotion and story flow were excellent. Since I don't know much about Ced and his story, I can't say much else.
So, uh...nice job, and keep up the good work.

Really good writing. I read the second half before the first half, but now I can understand the story a LOT more. I think your description is perfect and you seem to flow so well with the story. It is a bit weird how they did just meet though don't you think? But I can't see any grammar mistakes, unless they have already been mentioned.

Great Job!

Deanie x