z

Young Writers Society


Wormhole War. Chapter 21-part three



Random avatar


Gender: Male
Points: 903
Reviews: 14
Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:39 pm
JosephBohnenberger says...



"Get down!" I yelp, this was not looking good. Kevin eyes were pale and lifeless as they stare into my soul as blood dripped down his face. "No!" but it was to late the bullet went through his head and he feel to the ground like anchor off the ship having it's last breaths in the vast ocean. I should of had his hand and everything would of been okay..
If I do not hurry I will be next, these people were not going to stop until they had at least five bonds. They were called FBI, my dad use to talk about them when I was litte but I never knew that today I would be there target.
I got back on my feet and began to run once more, tears were running down my face knowing that I made a promise to bring him back home. I had to hurry up and get the Abbey before I break that promise to, I rush into the building ignoring the bullets passing by me at each step.
"Stop!" I hear them screaming behind me but I intend to pass it by, if I don't bring back at least five of the bonds back then I will be killed immediately. I take up the stairs moving my feet as fast as possible, then I hear the FBI start to storm up the stairs. There must have been a lot of them because it sounded like a train.
7th Floor.
I was here, I kick the door down to see the 4th bond Abbey laying there. She jumps up in bliss to see my face.
“You’re alive!” She bellows, there was no time for a reunion the FBI was on my tail. I have to think of a way out, nothing electronic sense the power grid has been out for years and no stairs well you know why.I go up to the window to see my escape route was planned out for me, it looks like my people are watching out for me.
“Alright Abbey I need you to take my hand.” She grabs my hand and that’s when the FBI bust down the door.
“Freeze!” They won’t shoot me as long as I was touching the 4th bond, I was safe. I take off running pulling Abbey along until we both went through the window. I sure hope this works…
Sleep Walk-Bohnenberger
  





User avatar
33 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 283
Reviews: 33
Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:07 pm
davidechoe13 says...



real good i thought it was decent, overall good.
few spelling errors and stuff but that was really all i saw wrong with it i thought the story was good like the idea and stuff.
Think of the vastness of a story, What happens when the main character is not around?
  








I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield