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The Diamond Fist: Chapter Five



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Sun Dec 11, 2011 2:40 pm
Blues says...



Spoiler! :
Hi Everyone!
Gosh, it's been ages. I've suffered from horrible writer's block and I hate this chapter so much, because I know it's not as good as it could be. But it's here! (and yes, it does all link back to the main plot)

Spoiler! :
In the prologue, Liam Hunt recounted the disappearance of his diving friends. In the next chapter, he was feeling incredibly guilty, messing up, amongst other things of lesser importance, his date. Unfortunately for him, it gets worse in later chapters...

On the other side, we've learnt about ex-president of Egypt, Mustafa Ehab, and his aims to regain power. While his relative's illness maybe slightly distracting, the numbers he keeps as his prisoners are increasing. Slowly.





Chapter Five
Omar





“...been really quiet since. I’m wondering if he’s gone crazy.”

“Just ‘cause he’s not talking? He doesn’t talk, how would you notice?”

“He does... just when you aren’t looking. I’m just saying he barely talks.”

I shrugged. “Whatever - start worrying about the plan today.”

James and I were walking to school on the day after Valentine's Day. There'd be a disco-club kinda thing on Thursday and we were planning to ask our dates out simultaneously. Partly because I was a bit nervous to ask my date.

James sighed. "Today?"

"Yeah. Or mine will get taken."

James swished his head of thick, chocolate brown hair to face me. He had a frown on his face.

"Who're you asking?"

"Don't worry. You'll be very shocked." James was going to ask Lauren Fox - a girl from our class with a ... Scottish or Irish accent. Apparently she's from Manchester, but the Scots, Irish and the Northern English all sounded the same - at least to an outsider.

"Tell me!"

According to James, she was 'the nicest person' he had ever met. She was bubbly and fairly pretty actually: long, straight chestnut brown hair, tanned, slightly freckly, chubby cheeks and tanned. Slightly taller than James, who was a metre and a half. "No way," I replied, smugly. He'd be incredibly shocked. "Watch." I whipped out a pair of sunglasses and looked at James. "Well?"
"
Pathetic Omar." Was it just so I'd tell him? "Ya 'am, tell me!" Obviously. He wouldn't be serious and then call me a paternal uncle in Arabic. Just to try it.

"And a comb. What do you think?" I whipped out a comb too and tried to brush the black, furiously curly jungle of hair on my head. I peered in a parked car's window. Maybe... not...

"Flop."

We entered through the school gates - black metal spears around the boundaries on the top of a waist-high yellow-bricked wall. We walked to class and James went to try and speak to Liam.

***

“Ready?”

“Yeah. Ready,” said James. “Will -”

“No!” I cried. “I’m deliberately not going to tell you know, just to piss you off know.”

He rolled his eyes. Then we both entered the Cafeteria.

The moment we entered, two people rushed after us, one chasing after the other. Everywhere else, it was large groups of people dotted around the cafeteria. A group of three year sevens galloped in joy out to the corridor with a large brown cardboard box in their hands. Pizza probably. We split up, trying to find our dates in the bustling cafeteria.

I found mine eventually, Jasmin.It was a bit easier to find her. Me, her and three others were the only Egyptians in our small class, the rest being Europeans. Her hair was a dark shade of brown and her eyes were a similar colour. She was quite slim and really fit - obviously from playing Volleyball. Apparently, Lauren did too, but the two disliked each other. Kind of funny actually.

I found her surrounded by a group of friends, talking really fast in Arabic. I tapped her on the shoulder from behind. She turned around and frowned. “What?”

My heart was racing, but I felt the excitement and anticipation. Was she gonna say yes? Was she? “Can we talk quickly?” We walked a bit away from the crowd.

This is it man. I broke into a grin. “You know the disco, d’you wanna... go with … me?”
She shrugged, with a half-sort of smile on her face. “Alright then. Meet at the front gates?”

HELL YES!

I did it! I walked back out of the canteen. I was smiling so widely I wouldn't have been surprised if anyone couldn't see my chubby cheeks. I waited for James, and peered through the window, praying for good news.

Five minutes later, he came out. He had an awkward expression on his face.

“What?” I asked.

“She said no.”

Despite that, I smiled and pat him on the back. “It’s ‘kay. A’least you asked.”

“She’s going with Liam. I don’t think I'll go then,” he replied.

“Didn’t you know?”

“I told you he wasn’t talking much! I had it all ready and prepared. I was prepared an’ everything - I was making a joke about my Dad speaking French and politics and offered her some after eight mints I nicked from last night. And then, when I come to ask her, she says she going with Liam. Imagine that!”

I sighed. “What did she say specifically -”

“She was nice and everything but...”

“You’re not gonna split them up are you?”

James looked at me disgustedly but I could tell there was a longing there. “‘S not fair to - he’s my best friend. But...”

“Come with me to the disco though. Please. So I know that you're checking that I don't make a fool out of myself."

***

James and I were together, waiting outside the hall where the dance would be taking place. Both of us were waiting outside the hall in formal clothing, like the dress code. I was wearing a black suit, black trousers and shoes, white shirt and red tie. It was a bit weird - I had to constantly adjust the tie so it wouldn’t strangle me.

James and I were talking next to the food on the side: Crisps, cans of fanta, sandwiches, the lot. Then he said ,”I’ll stick around for the time being,” while pointing at Jasmin, who’d just walked in with a light pink-white coloured dress. I walked over to her, smiling. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she smiled. She went to go and speak to someone at the far end. I went back and began talking to James.

He merely kept grunting, staring but without looking. Then his eyes narrowed, when Liam and Lauren walked into the hall, holding hands. Liam was wearing pretty much the same thing as me, with his (clean) dirty blond hair curled up at the very front. Lauren wore a cobalt blue, knee-high dress. “James, forget about it,” I said, nudging him.

He grunted.

“What’s meant to be is meant to be. It’s -”

“Yeah...” he sighed. “Just wish I knew -”

“Least she knows you’re there,” I replied. The music behind me began playing. “She knows you’re interested. Leave it, it’s fine.”

James went back to staring into space again. "Bet she thinks I'm an idiot or something."

"You said neither of them didn't tell you anything! Look. Beach day on Tuesday. You could go kite surfing together or something. As friends or something, if you're -"

His face lit up. "We can?"

"Don't make me do a Liam. Why else would this place be full of tourists?"

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and found Jasmin waiting for me with her hands on her hips. "Well?" she said. "Aren't we gonna dance?"

I shot a glance at James who had begun to smirk. We walked to the dance floor. Strobe lights - or at least ones that looked like they were designed for kids - danced across the floor. It was like at New Year's eve at the hotel. There was a layer of funny-smelling grey ... cloud over the floor and encircling our ankles.

Just before Jasmin and I entered the swarm of people in the centre, I glanced back at James, who was watching Liam and Lauren walk out of the whole with his eyes narrowed. He began to smirk once he caught my eye again.

***

"Barbecue ready!"

Barbecue's ready? Hallelujah. "Jas! Come on. Food. Let's go." It was uncomfortable there. I didn't know how to dance, I didn't know what to do -

Jasmin looked at me, unhappily. "Can't we, like, go later?"

"C'mon. I'm starving."

Reluctantly, she stepped out of the crowd and followed me outside, to the front of the school. It was dimly illuminated - you could only see by bright orange lights on the school walls some distance away.

"Watch it!"

"Sorry - can't see -"

Then there was a blinding flash of white light. I shut my eyes, covering them with my hands.

"How's that?"

"Yeah, 's way better now."

I opened them again. Someone brought something large - like a photography lamp or something - and switched it on. It was way better now. Had I kept walking, I probably would've crashed into the barbecue, singed parts of my suit that Dad got me last year with the red hot coal on the barbecue. And after that, had the ketchup smothering Liam's plate smeared all over my face when I crashed into their table. Thank God for light.

James came by my side as Jasmin, him and I waited in the queue for food. "Cold?" I asked Jasmin.

She shook her head. We then advanced forward and collected our burgers, dripping with oil, before sitting down. I began telling her about what happened last year when I helped out at the New Year's party.

Half an hour later, once our conversation finished, Liam and Lauren passed by our table. I nodded at Liam grinning. Lauren smiled, flashing a set of brilliant white, even teeth. "Hi everyone."

"Hi."

"Hello."

James didn't reply. Rather, he looked down and pretended not to hear anything. Lauren asked if anything was wrong, but he just grunted. She shrugged, and they left.

"James. For God's sake, just get a grip and deal with it," I growled. James sat with his elbows pressing into his thighs and resting his chin on his hands at the end of the table.

"I'm not thinking about that."

"Yes you are."

"Can we go back inside?" asked Jasmin. I ignored her.

"Don't lie. If I was you James, I'd get over it now. Carry on and you'll lose those two and me. She's obviously..."

"Omar..."

"Alright!"

"Fine," she said, stalking off, angrily.

"...now look what you've done, James!"


Spoiler! :
I feel like this is one of my weaker chapters. Please critique this harshly so I can improve it... Thanks ^_^
  





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Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:06 pm
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Deanie says...



Finally! YWS is back and its time to review! *rubs hands together*

Okay so I agree with you, this is not the best of your chapters BUT this doesn't mean it is bad. I do think the hate from James to Liam may affect the future but I am wondering why you put it in Omar's point of view. Just wondering. I know you don't like writing romance but it was a good effort.

No grammar or spelling mistakes.

Looking forward to the next chapter,

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
  





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Tue Dec 13, 2011 10:51 am
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DukeofWonderland says...



Sorry for the notification bro- shall review soon.
"The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it
regularly went cuckoo."
-- Terry Pratchett, "Wyrd Sisters"
  








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