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Blood Stained Sand - ch 1



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Mon Dec 21, 2009 3:42 am
anime-girl13 says...



Ch 1 – Death at Dawn
825 AD – Heian Period

The Heian Period; This period in the history of Nippon began in the year 794 and ended four centuries later, in the year 1185. Although it was noted for its art, it was a time of poverty, and the rise of the samurai. Many people had to live by stealing from whoever they could, when they could. That is how my brother Ookami and I lived, and it was because of this that our lives actually took a turn for the better or the worst. You can decide which one.

Our bare feet pounded on the dirt road, kicking up dust. Behind us, we heard our three pursuers cursing and shouting. Their katanas, tied to their waists, clinked as they chased us. “Come on Izanami, faster!” Ookami yelled, running in front of me. “I’m trying!” I said, feeling as though as I was about to collapse from lung failure. Our arms were full of gold and money, which glinted in the sun as we tried to make a clean escape after out robbery. I looked back. The samurai were gaining on us. We were like old men compared to them.

Unfortunately, I did not see the rock sticking out of the ground in front of me, so the next thing I knew, I was sprawled on the ground and riches were raining from the heavens. Ahead of me, Ookami stopped running to come back and help me. He threw his armful of gold on the ground, adding to the large amount already there. Grabbing my arm, he hoisted me up with all his strength. We started running again, though this time he was pulling me. “What about the-” “Forget about it all, just keep running!” He started running faster, and I had to struggle to keep up.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed the back of my kimono and yanked me backwards. The hand then lifted me off the ground by the front of my kimono. One other samurai pinned Ookami by locking their arms behind his head, while the third stood behind him, in case Ookami tried to do something. The samurai holding me up stared at us with murder in his eyes. I could hardly breathe because he was choking me with my own clothes. I would have laughed at irony of this, were my throat not being mangled. So, I kept quiet and let Ookami, the one who could breathe do the talking.

“What are you doing? We dropped the money already.” “You may have dropped the money, but we haven’t paid you back for humiliating us back there.” This got a smile from me. Unfortunately, he saw the smile and shook me, getting a strangled gasp to escape my lips. He was talking about us sneaking by them as they slept (trust me, this is hard to do, especially with trained samurai), drawing on their faces (this is even harder) and putting their hair into ponytails (they looked like little girls when we were done). Yes, we were that stealthy. We were about 1,000 yards away, sauntering and thinking we had done a good job, when a long stream of cuss words ripped through the silent, still early morning air.

We stopped where we were, our legs poised in the air. We slowly looked at each other, before running as fast we could away from the samurai back at their camp. By dawn, we had slowed down, thinking we were home free. Now, apparently, samurai are very elite trackers for, when we were at about a snail’s pace, we hear a roar of triumph from behind us. Of course, it was the samurai. That is how we found ourselves in this situation. Looking closely at the samurai who held me captive’s face and could see the faint lines a moustache on his upper lip.

I giggled. Or tried to giggle, to be more precise. The sound that came out sounded more like a dying animal then a sly giggle. The samurai glared at me, before a evil smile crept onto his face. I did not like that smile. “Well, since the girl finds this so amusing, let’s-” He began, only to be cut off by Ookami. “Please forgive her. She is stupid sometimes.” Ookami said. Then, as an afterthought, he added, “She is also legally insane.” “Hey!” The samurai smiled again before continuing where he left off. “Let’s see how amusing she thinks dying is.” My eyes widened and I reached for my dagger in my pocket.

Like lighting, his other hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. “Tsk, tsk. We can’t end the fun just like that, now can we?” And, with that, he snapped my wrist with a twist of his fingers. I let out a piercing scream, until the pain muddled my mind until I could no longer feel the pain. I heard, somewhere, in the background, Ookami calling my name. Suddenly, the feeling of the samurai taking the dagger from my pocket brought me back to reality.

“No, please give that back! It is the only thing I have left of my late father!” “Oh, is it?” He said teasingly, while smirking. “Then you won’t mind if I keep it for safe keeping." The other samurai chuckled their approval, while the main one slipped the dagger into his pocket. This sent me over the edge. With the last of my strength, I kicked him, bit the hand that held me up and clawed at his face with my good hand. Annoyed, he threw me to the ground, and my breath left me with a whoosh.

Once again, I could hear Ookami yelling my name, and then I felt a great pain in my chest. I look for the source of the pain and found a katana impaling me. Yeah, that would do it. I reached up to touch it, to see if it was real. But the strength I had been able to find seconds before had left me, leaving me limp. Then, with a tear rolling down my cheek and, with the words “I’m sorry Ookami” poised on my lips, I gave into the darkness that was enveloping me.
Last edited by anime-girl13 on Mon Dec 21, 2009 4:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Mon Dec 21, 2009 8:48 am
Snoink says...



I could hardly breathe because he was chocking me with my own clothes. <-- chocking should be choking! :)

AND! CLIFFHANGER! Will she die... or not? Personally, I'm hoping she doesn't. She's pretty kick-ass and I like that!

And! I think the prologue should be heavily tweaked. This is pretty riveting as it is. Or, you should begin with her meeting Ookami... if that makes sense!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Mon Dec 21, 2009 4:25 pm
anime-girl13 says...



Snoink wrote:I could hardly breathe because he was chocking me with my own clothes. <-- chocking should be choking! :)

AND! CLIFFHANGER! Will she die... or not? Personally, I'm hoping she doesn't. She's pretty kick-ass and I like that!


Thanks for catching that! It's fixed now.
And, I'm sorry to say, she does die... but not for long! :D
  





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Sun Feb 21, 2010 10:30 pm
tashi15 says...



this story is so interesting. i can imagine the scenery and your characters and what they going through. you really have talent.
  








I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway.
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