z

Young Writers Society


Harry Potter- What happened after death, chapter 6



Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 5107
Reviews: 100
Tue Jun 29, 2010 8:58 am
View Likes
NaRachel says...



Harry woke up to a musty smell which made his sinuses feel slightly clogged. He felt uncomfortable having slept in Mrs Figg’s spare bed but he felt he should be grateful he had anywhere to sleep and be sheltered from the cold night air. He couldn’t hear any noise but the birds outside and he sat for a minute thinking. Harry stayed in bed for a while, not wanting to creep around Mrs Figg’s house when she was still asleep. He had given up completely on searching for the Dursley’s. He couldn’t think of what had possibly driven him to think of the idea. He had been in search of an excuse to get away from the Weasley’s for a bit and although he had convinced Hermione that he wanted to find his Uncle and his family, he hadn’t convinced himself. He guessed Hermione would be in Australia at this precise moment. He still had 6 days to go until they had planned to join the Weasley’s, 5 until he rejoined Hermione. He doubted there would be any chance of taking a stroll outside without being spotted by a few journalists, he was forced to stay inside which was particularly difficult when he had no home to go to. He got up and dressed and met Mrs Figg in the kitchen. She insisted he stay for breakfast. Harry thanked her greatly even though he had been pretty much forced against his will to stay there. Harry went on his way, heading for the nearest clump of trees to provide him with coverage to apparate. Harry remembered Dumbledore’s words on their visit to Slughorn’s house, so he apparated to about 100m away from Tonk’s mother’s doorstep. He knocked three times.
“Harry!” said Andromeda Tonks.
“Hi Mrs Tonks.”
“What a pleasant surprise. Come in.”
“Hello Harry. How are you?” said Ted tonks.
“Good thanks sir.”
“None of this sir business come and meet your godson,” said Andromeda Tonks.
Harry followed her to a room painted pale yellow which showed a crib in the centre. Harry looked down at the crib and there was Teddy Remus Lupin lying peacefully in the midst of dreams. He had a small flop of brown hair, the exact shade of Remus Lupins.
“I’ll leave you a while, the stew might be burning,” explained Mrs Tonks.
Harry felt an unexpected surge of emotion as he stared down at the baby. His heart seemed strained and he found it harder to breath. He felt such pity as he thought of the innocent boy who would grow up without parents just like Harry had. Although he hoped Teddy would live a much easier life because of the death of Voldemort. He marvelled at the idea of being a godfather, a word he still hadn’t got used to associating with himself. He thought of Sirius and how great a godfather he had been, he had risked everything to protect Harry and had even died doing so. He gently touched Teddy’s tiny hand with his own and let a single tear slide down his face. Determined to make sure he could be as loving and protective to Teddy as Sirius had been to him, Harry brushed the tear from his face and walked out to the kitchen.
"You grow, you grow like tornado
You grow from the inside
Destroy everything through
Destroy from the inside
Erupt like volcano
You flow from the inside
You kill everything through
You kill from the inside"
  





User avatar
158 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 15421
Reviews: 158
Fri Jul 02, 2010 5:21 pm
View Likes
midnightread says...



Hi NaRachel
I like this but I think that the chapters should be longer.
I haven't got any nit-picks.
I love the way that you wrote the last paragraph, it shows Harry's emotions well and gives the reader an idea of what it going on inside Harry's head.
I can't wait for more so can you pm me when you post more?
midnightread :elephant:
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
A wise man does not need advice and a fool won't take it.


Growing old is mandatory,
Growing up is optional.


Rugby is a thugs game played by gentle men,
Football is a gentleman's game played by thugs.
  





User avatar
6 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1259
Reviews: 6
Fri Aug 13, 2010 11:22 am
View Likes
BookGirl says...



Just one thing, put spaces between paragraphs, I like your story though
"I vill now destroy all de Snickuh barhs!" The Angel Experiment.

"You said you were going for a walk!? What kind of walk takes six hours?"
"A long one?" The Mortal Instruments

"Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming" MI
  








more fish is always superior to less fish
— Shady