you have a nice short story going on here and from the start i was captured in.the only thing though is the name remy is mentioned alot and maybe you could replace some with 'him' or 'he' mix it up a little bit. other than that i quite enjoyed it.very nice work on it.keep on writing:)
Okay so I don't normally review fan-fic but I love X-Men (and Gambit <3) too much to pass this up.
First, you have done an excellent job with Remy's dialogue and character. He's spot on, gallant but roguish and ever so charming. I also like that you decided to introduce a new character to mix things up a bit, but I was a little confused about how you was portraying the telepathy. Am I right in thinking that he's broad-casting his emotions as well as his thoughts? Which is why Remy could feel things in the air? You might want to clear that up. People who aren't familiar with the series might start thinking that sensing emotions is a power Gambit has or something, because it felt a little like that at times. Oh, wait! Just reached that part of the story now, haha. You added a new power for him, that's pretty cool and certainly fits with his thieving ways. Never mind then, my bad.
Also, I'd have liked to know how Remy first felt about the lust. Surprised, intrigued? He seems intrigued and maybe even interested but it's not conveyed as strongly as it could have been.
Next time you post by the way, you might want to do it a chapter at a time as it's a lot to read all at once! I'm reading it all because it's good and because I do have some spare time right now but some people will be put off by the length of your post and look for easier reviewing material, whereas if you go chapter by chapter, they'll read one or two and then save a few for later and come back in a week or so.
I love how nonchalent Jono is, similar and at the same time different to Gambit. It's great that you've managed to bring in someone with a personality close to his while still defining them completely as well. Normally I'd advise people to steer clear of having their characters too alike but you go right on ahead, clearly you can handle that.
Well I haven't really got any criticism for you, except that maybe I'd like to see some scenes in the danger room please? They're spending a lot of time in the bedrooms just now so try to expand out of there just a little more! But great work and please do let me know if you post some more, I'd love to read on.
Gender:
Points: 0
Reviews: 67