Young Writers Society

AwesomeSocks wrote:I walked slowly up the stairs. This was far too bland for a beginning sentance. Spice it up.

Now that I had fully awakened, the hurt was starting to catch up with me. I clutched at my sides, the hole ripping through my chest. Why is she in pain? Give some more insight or background.

I walked into the bathroom, and quickly took a shower, got in my holey old sweats, and brushed my teeth. Then I walked back to my room, turned out the light and crawled into bed. I don't like this. It's too list- written. Be more descriptive and don't write this in a list.

I was just starting to drift off to sleep, when a scratching noise came from my window. I opened my eyes wide in alarm.
Maybe it was a burgular.

Or a kidnapper.

Or mass murderer.
There's the list again.

Or maybe I’m just overreacting and it’s just the branch’ses of a tree scraping against my window. I didn’t take any chances though; I reached under my bed and got my pepper spray.

Making sure to hold the spray tightly in my right hand so that I could spray quickly if necessary, I got up and tiptoed across the cold floor. When I got to the window, I hesitated. But then I heard scratching again, so I gathered up all my courage, and swiftly opened the curtains.

What I saw made my heart stop, and my breath go out with a whooshing sound.

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What is this? This isn't right. Try '...'

Edward.

This is really good! i hoope you keep it up!

I’m just overreacting and it’s just the branch’s of a tree scraping against my window