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Bioshock: Tenenbaum's Assistant (Chapter 1)



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Sun Jan 31, 2010 4:45 pm
Howler says...



I play an unhealthy amount of video games, but Bioshock feels reasonable; and amazing story, mainly. Writers and actors should grab a computer and play it, in my opinion, and it's pushed me to this idea of fan-fiction. It takes place about a week or so before the events of the game. I originally thought it was going to be a month before, but I found out recently that the Bioshock game begins only three or four weeks after the fall of rapture, so to make this work, it's about a week and a half after the fall of Rapture. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

I woke up in a bed. Not mine, though. It was hot pink, shaped like a heart, and there was a pole at the foot of the bed. All I could think was "What the hell?". The last thing I remembered was being on a tanker ship, transporting some fish from Japan to the US, and then an explosion. Then it's all blank. I don't have any idea how I got in a bed or where this bed was.

I got up and left the bedroom. Looking around, it was some abandoned strip club. Many glowing pink signs, undergarments laying around everywhere, but nobody else. I walked outside of the strip club, and I looked to my right to see the strangest thing I'd ever seen; Rapture.

The city was just as the papers had been saying. Giant rusted skyscrappers, tunnels connecting everything, and giant neon signs everywhere. As beautiful as it was at first, it was interrupted by realization.

The papers also talked about something else that happened; the science. This city was filled with genetically spliced up maniacs. The calmness and confusion I had felt when I woke up changed to panic and worry. How did I get here, and how was I going to get out?

I looked at the place I woke up in; Eve's Garden XXX was the name. I don't know why I thought that would help me figure out where in the city I was, or how to find out. I decided that the best way to get out would be to start looking.

I kept looking around. Still nothing around, but I still didn't feel too safe, so I grabbed the first thing I wanted to use as a weapon; a lead pipe. It wasn't much, but I was hoping to find a gun soon enough. I wandered down a staircase, and found a door that led to a giant frozen tunnel.

The area was frozen solid all around. You couldn't see the city through the frozen glass walls. I shivered slightly, but then I forgot the coldness when another strange sight appeared in front of me; ice sculptures of humans, in many different poses. Very realistic, each pose very different and unique. I took a closer look at one of them in the YMCA "Y" pose.

It was bleeding.

Someone froze them. I was once again scared to death in realization. I turned around and heard footsteps in the distance. Shit. I gripped my pipe harder than ever. The cold might have made my hand stuck to it, but I couldn't tell. The footsteps got louder and louder. I wanted to bash his head in, but instead, I could only hide. I hid behind a pile of ice, and listened to the loudening footsteps. I closed my eyes tight, and the footsteps stopped.

I stood up and turned to the direction I was hiding from. Somebody was there, and I got scared enough that I fell to the ground backwards.

"Well, who are you?", he said. He had a frozen red suit on, and a strange bird mask on his face.

I didn't answer him. I was too scared.

"Not one for talkin', huh? No worries. I got an idea on what to do with you".

I started crawling backwards. He raised one of his fist. It had these icicles sticking out of it, and some mist was coming out of it. He looked like he was just about to throw his hand at me, when I heard a gun.

Someone had shot this bird-masked man in the shoulder. He got to his knees and tried to cover his wound.

"Don't be rude to our new guest, Finnegan, or I'll use the shotgun next time", said the shooter. He was in a fancy penguin suit and had a very pale face with a french mustache and groomed hair.

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sander Cohen, and welcome to Fort Frolic"

"Jeff", I said to him. He didn't seem like he was going to hurt me. Who'd have thought the first person I met here didn't want to kill me? I didn't see why I couldn't introduce myself.

"I take it you're wondering what you're doing here?", he asked. I nodded to him and stood up on my feet again.

"I wish I could say for certain, but simply enough, you were locked in some giant, heavy, metal supply crate filled with fish, and you. You sunk down onto one of the tunnels here, and so we fished you out and got you back to full health".

I guess I hid in a crate when the tanker started exploding.

"Let me show you around, hmm?", said Sander.

I followed him out of the icy tunnel.
Last edited by Howler on Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:07 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Sun Jan 31, 2010 5:40 pm
midnightread says...



Hi Howler
I like the story a lot but I think
The calmness and the confusion I had when I woke up changed to panic and worry
should change to
The calmness and the confusion I had felt when I woke up changed to panic and worry
because I think t flows better that way. Other than that small bit I can't see anything else wrong. Like I said, I like it and I can't wait for more. :elephant:
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Sun Jan 31, 2010 7:18 pm
Matt Bellamy says...



Hey! I love Bioshock. Can't wait for the sequel to come out. And because I like it, I could picture everything you were saying - the ice sculptures, men in masks, etc. But if I hadn't played it myself, it would be more difficult for me to imagine. You seem to have the same problem that I do - you go too fast. You need to pad it out, add more description and give the reader time to get used to you and the place you, or the narrator, is describing before you take them somewhere new. You could do with telling us how the narrator feels - is he scared to leave the bedroom? Perhaps it would be safer to stay there, but he feels he has to go out and find out where he is? What you've written so far is good, there just needs to be more of it. :)
Matt.

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