Young Writers Society

The Forgotten
Prologue
There are quite a few proverbs about home. You know that saying, “Home, sweet home”? I certainly did. I probably knew it too well. Isn’t it supposed to mean that your home is like your sanctuary, your friend’s open arms in times of pain, like your bed when you’re exhausted, or a child’s blanket when they’re blue? Well, if that’s true, what does it mean if you are the only one left in your family, your world? I guess I took this phrase for granted. I thought it was supposed to imply trust that you could always rely on your home as your ticket out of reality. I now find that I was wrong.
I find that the phrase,”No place like home” is actual and not fictional. I think that my mind has distorted the intended meaning of it though. I believe that this one was intended as a feeling of relief, like when normal people reach their abode after a long trip, they step over the doorstep and exclaim, “There’s no place like home!” Then the mother of the family kisses each child on the head and turns to her husband and does the same. That’s where “Love makes a house a home” comes in. That family steps into their home; meanwhile I’m across the street, watching them alone from my house with tears in my eyes.
I realize that I’m not like that normal family. My house does not possess love. My house is not like anywhere else, not because it is separated by joy and happiness, but by loneliness and sadness, with no family or any open arms.
I still wish the best for those people, but sometimes I can’t help feeling sorry for myself. I know that it’s rude of me, but I truly think that there is nothing in the world that can help me now.

This is really, really good: well-written, with very no obvious grammatical mistakes and no spelling errors that I can see.

A couple of nitpicks: it feels like there are too many questions at the beginning. Maybe you could change one of those to a normal sentence. The beginning of your second paragraph, "I find that the phrase..." could probably be improved if you replaced "I find" with something referring to the past, such as "I have found" or "I now see". In the third paragraph, I think "I'm" could be "We're", because it takes more than one person to make a family; lastly, "rude" is quite a weak word in the last paragraph there, so I would change it to something which really shows your character's guilt at their betrayal of their family, maybe even "traitorous".

Other than those, which are not important things at all, this is a great piece of writing which you should be really proud of. I love the way you've used the different sayings about home, and how you've taken someone else's story and made it your own. In general I would steer away from fanfiction, as it can't really lead anywhere because it is essentially someone else's idea, this is good and it seems like you're having fun writing it, which is what's really important.

Looking forward to seeing the rest of the story and how it relates to the title. If you don't get too close to the original story (give your own story some space), this could be a brilliant piece in its own right.

Hi, I noticed you were new here so welcome to YWS !

I haven't really heard of the book or movie of Edward Masen, but I'm getting the idea that your taking one character out of a story that the author didn't give very much information about and creating that part of the story itself. Am I right? I think thats an interesting idea and would drag readers in that had wondered what happed to Edward Masen's lost sister.

Either way I liked this piece. You brought the meaning along to the story; exelent way to write a prologue ! Keep writting. If you learn to get along with some of the harsh comments (by either listening to the point of them or ignoring them completely) I think you'll find to like it here. Good Luck

Alyson =]

I really like this obviously there are no grammar mistakes.Just reading the prologue makes me want to read more and more. It would be a very good idea if you converted this into an actual book. I would totally read it. You have very good vocabulary and seem to be very god at first person!

Keep going!