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Warriors: From SIlver Light and Grey Dark: Chapter 1



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Tue May 18, 2010 11:44 pm
Allessandre says...



“Is she breathing?”
“Of course!”
“Silvermist I don’t think shes breathing.”
“Shes breathing, I know she is!” Silvermist cried
“Silvermist, care for Wildkit”
“I know what to do Treeflower!” Silvermist said edgily
“Silvermist, Hawkkit isn’t…” Treeflower’s voice trailed off as Hawkkit opened her eyes.
“Oh Hawkkit I knew you where alive! Oh my baby, come here!” Silvermist cried.
Hawkkit looked around and saw two cats standing over her, one was a silvery blue color the other a soft brown. Hawkkit stretched, and spotted her sister Wildkit by her mother’s paw.
“Oh look at those eyes they are so bright, I’ve never seen eyes that shade of orange, and against her black pelt!” Silvermist curled up in her nest.
“Queens,” Treeflower hissed softly as she left the den.
“Don’t listen to her loves; her tongue is coated with mouse-bile.” Silvermist meowed quietly
“Momma, who is she?” Wildkit purred as she settled down by Silvermist.
“That is the medicine cat, Treeflower, she’s sour as death berries that one.” Silvermist spat the name like it was a bad word. Hawkkit padded over to her mother, stretched, and curled up by Wildkit. “You can see the rest of the clan tomorrow.” Silvermist purred as Hawkkit drifted away into sleep.
“Hawkkit wake up, come on Hawkkit I want to see the clan, but momma says we have to stay together!” Wildkit pounced on Hawkkit to awake her.
“Ok, ok I’m up; we can go see the clan.” Hawkkit turned to her sister looking her over, cream pelt and pretty blue eyes, with a little tabby like pattern. The two padded out of the den and where immediately shocked by the size of the camp.
“Ahh, you must be Silvermist’s kits.” The sisters whipped around to face a large gray tom, “I’m Rainshadow, I bet you two would like a tour around the camp.”
“Oh yes!” Wildkit squealed with delight. Rainshadow turned and padded toward a small nest space under a net of bracken,
“This is the warriors den,” he turned and padded toward a small clearing with a thicket smaller than the one the nursery was in, “this is the apprentices den, over there under that hollow tree trunk is the leaders den, the medicine cat den is in that tree with the platform like branches, and in here,” the tom slid into a small tunnel leading into the other side of the thicket the nursery was in, “is the elders den.” The three came out of the tunnel in a large clearing, to one side, a few older cats where curled up under a roof like thicket.
On the other side, Treeflower was bustling around getting herbs and muttering about elders and their aches, “Sandpaw, oh where is that useless hunk of fur, Sandpaw get over here,” Treeflower padded off to a thicket by the medicine tree, and came out a moment later with a sandy color tom cat’s scruff held roughly in her mouth. She dropped the tom and he growled at her stiffly,
“You don’t have to be so sour Treeflower, you could have just woken me and asked for help,”
“Well I called you twice! I expect my apprentice to come at the first call, not have to be dragged out of bed after the third! Now help me sort these for the elders and, oh I was wondering when you two would come in here.” She turned to Hawkkit Wildkit and Rainshadow. “So the new warrior tries to prove he would make a good mentor, I bet Floralheart has already suggested you to Woodstar.” She hissed spitefully, “or maybe he’s already chosen you!”
“Don’t talk to him like that!” Hawkkit was surprised at her own words, and she could see the shock in all the cats around her, even the elders had sat up to see who had insulted Treeflower so. She turned to leave and as she walked through the tunnel, another kit, a grey tom, stopped her,
“That was some insult you just gave Treeflower, she’ll get you back for it, but you want to share a mouse sometime?” surprised at the tom’s friendly nature she took a moment to answer,
“Sure, I’m Hawkkit by the way.”
“I’m Stormkit, oh oops there’s my mom!” Stormkit raced off to a queen Hawkkit had seen in the nursery earlier. She padded into the nursery and wasn’t surprised when Stormkit and his mother came in along with two other kits.
“Hi again, these are my littermates Skykit and Sunkit.” He mewed at her happily, “I told them all about what you said to Treeflower, want to play with us, your sister can too!” he said as Wildkit walked in. Hearing what he said, Wildkit ran over,
“Ok, you three can be the good clan first, you are Stormfur, Skycloud and Sunstar, and we will be the bad clan warriors called Wildswipe and Hawkflight!”
“Sounds great, bad clan attack!” ‘Sunstar ‘called as ‘Wildswipe’ and ‘Hawkflight’ ran after them out of the nursery. ‘Hawkflight’ jumped onto ‘Skycloud’ and bowled him over, swiping his face and pinning him, but as she swiped hid face, ‘Stormfur’ leaped onto her back and ‘Skycloud’ got away and attacked ‘Wildswipe’. ‘Hawkflight’ ran behind the nursery in an attempt to get away from ‘Stormfur’, but he cornered her.
“So, looks like bad clan has one less pretty warrior in the open!” he cried happily.
“Pretty? Me?” she mewed, confused.
“Oh, well, um, it’s part of the game, let’s say.” He scrambled for words to cover his mistake. In his moment of distraction, Hawkkit leaped on him and pinned him.
“Which clan is missing a warrior now?” she taunted softly.
A half moon after the ‘epic’ battle Hawkkit and Stormkit snuck out of the camp, after walking for a while, they found a weird smelling tree. After investigating it, they went on,
“Oh Stormkit I’m tired, let’s sleep.” Hawkkit moaned, so they curled up together and fell asleep.
Last edited by Allessandre on Wed May 19, 2010 11:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Tue May 18, 2010 11:52 pm
Earthfire713 says...



Hi Allessandre! I'm Earthfire and I'll be your reviewer today.

First of all, I just want to remind you about punctuation. You forgot to put apostrophes and periods in some parts, like the first few sentences.
“Oh Hawkkit I knew you where alive!

"Where" is really "were".

What I understood of the story was that Hawkkit had just been born. If she was a newborn, why would she be walking around camp? Sorry if I'm wrong, but that was how I understood it.

Keep writing!
~Earthfire
  





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Wed May 19, 2010 10:59 am
Allessandre says...



Kittens dont open there eyes as soon as they are born, they live for a few weeks with their eyes closed, I know from experience that kittens walk around alot after they open their eyes, sometimes even before!
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