Young Writers Society

Hey, uh... Jacob here.

Alright, first off:

I've no idea why we all told Stephanie Meyer our stories, now everyone knows about us. I mean, being a much-loved werewolf is great and all, but Edward gets most of the glory. She told it all wrong, too. Edward's not some self-sacrificing saint, nor is Carlisle. I do not like Carlisle. I do not like Alice. I do not like Emmet. I do not like Rosalie. I like Jasper for his fighting styles, and that's about it. It goes without saying that I hate Edward.
Stephanie Meyer really messed stuff up. I mean, I like Esme and all, but I don't think of her as a mother. She's my age. Stephanie Meyer is... Is... Well, she is what she is, and if her fans love her, great. I personally don't. Edward's loving it, however, and his head is full of hot air. Effing vampires.

It's fifty years later, and nobody's aged exept Renesmee. She's beautiful, intelligent, and always by my side. I'm very glad that she can't read my mind, though, and that Edward's never around when she is. She's becoming a monster. Guess Stephanie never anticipated that. I knew from the very beginning, but pushed it to the back of my mind. It was so far away... And then Meyer came. Renesmee hates the books. She killed Meyer and is heading for the biggest Twihards... who now happen to be sixty-five year old ladies. They're the worst... We don't really mind the others.

About the werewolves-don't-age thing. I turned into a werewolf when I was about sixteen or seventeen, and my body quickly aged to 25. It's like that with most werewolves. But once we hit 25, we continue to age normally until we imprint. The imprint-ees also stop aging.
I never imprinted on Bella. That's just Stephanie Meyer making the story more interesting. I did love her, though. I tried so hard to be better than Edward, I really did. It's just that all she ever thought about was that blood-sucking, sparkling gay leech. If I were a vampire, I'd go die in a hole somewhere. Or go to Dracula and try to become a REAL vampire. Or something. The so-called "Twilight vampires" are pretty gay. Of course, the other sort ARE real. Twilight vampires happened as a result of some mad scientist in the 1200s trying to make himself immortal. It didn't quite work... He was thirsty, and then he made more of himself. They found a way to kill him, and then took his immortality serum and destroyed it accidentally. Best idea ever, if you ask me. Of course, eventually he may have made something cooler... Like centaurs or something. Or elves. I want an elf. Dead useful, they are, but they're rare.

The volturi never tried to kill Bella or Edward. The stuck-up posse of self-proclaimed rulers never knew about her until that thing with the red hair showed up. Nobody killed James. James left. There was no Laurent. The red-haired freak rounded up a ton of her freakshow friends and a few newborns and tried a last-ditch effort to kill Bella because she was jealous of her or something. I never got the full story. The Cullens all ran, and the werewolves had to stop all the freaks from destroying Forks. Not that there's anything good about Forks. It's rainy and drizzly. Renesmee and I have moved to a little town in Australia that is bombarded 24/7 with people either trying to kill me for Edward, or to tell me they love me and crap like that.
One more reason to hate Stephanie Meyer.

Haha...this is funny. Deeply appreciated.
But of course, I'm here to review, so I'll get down to business.
My first thing is just nitpicking, and I see this mistake quite a lot: "alright" is supposed to be spelled "all right". Again, just nitpicking, not a huge deal.
I noticed in your first paragraph Jacob said he does not like Esme, but that statement was contradicted in the next paragraph.
When talking about Renesmee, you mentioned she was a monster. I was wondering if you could go into a little more detail on that, just give an example of how she's a monster, maybe?
I liked how you dragged Stephenie Meyer into this and showed her some of her own character's reactions to her; that was very clever. You also had a neat little twist with the mad scientist thing. You kind of went off on a rant about how he could have made centaurs or elves, but still...really cool.
You ended on a great note, that was a really good final sentence. Nice piece, keep writing.

I personally, love this.
But, I should probably give a proper critique, so here goes.

First off, you've said simply: "It's fifty years later". Now, I'm guessing that you're saying it's been fifty years since she published the books, however 1. you don't actually state what it's been fifty years since, and 2. I don't think that twilight will still have lots of die-hard fans after fifty years, that sort of fan-ship doesn't last forever. Although it is a little flawed in that respect, I still thought this was great, it's a very clever piece of writing - very humourous.

Oh, and also one or two of your "facts" about what Meyer put into the book isn't entirely true (she didn't actually say that Bella and Jacob had imprinted) but apart from that, everything else seemed right.

PM me if you have any questions, ect.

~Mo.

Poor Stephanie Meyer! Go Jacob!!!

Even though i an a die-hard twilight fan, i liked this. However, i do have a few nitpicks.

*A few of your facts aren't quite right. Jacob never imprinted on Renesmee.
*Is it fifty years since Breaking Dawn was published? Or fifty years since Twilight?
*Also, i have no idea where this story is going. What is your plot? I see a lot of not-so good stuff about Stephanie Meyer, but nothing about what this is about.
*Wow, Nessie is becoming a monster. TOTALLY did not see that coming. But what is making her a monster? Is she hunting humans? What is making her a monster?
*Wouldn't all the twilight fans have lost interest of died out in fifty years? I mean, its a LONG time!!!

Sierra, when you said that

Jacob never imprinted on Renesmee.

I think you meant that he never imprinted BELLA.
It clearly says so at the end of Book Two: Jacob.
That's a serious mistake for a Die-Hard Twifan.
Anyways, this is a very entertaining fan-fic.