Young Writers Society

The air bit at my face. I tugged on my jacket. I could barely see, the violent wind whipping my curly brown locks into my face; covering my gray eyes that matched most of the people in The Seam.

Arranged in order by age; District Twelve stood in the freezing wind, frail and anxious to hear who would participate in The Hunger Games.

President Snow stood up on the stage behind his podium, lecturing us with his speech. Acasionally , he glanced at the papers on the podium.

After he was finished, a spunky, perky women stepped up to the stage. She flashed a smile, showing off her pearly white teeth.

" Well, ladies first! " she called into her headset. She glanced at the slip with the name of the girl that would participate in the 50th Hunger Games. The Hunger Games was a jarring, violent, fight to the death broadcasted on every televison in the ruined continent of Panem.

She waited for minutes, creating suspense within the stressed crowd of worried people and families from District Twelve.

" Maysilee Donner, " the women finally announced. I searched the crowd for Maysilee. My eyes set on a dark haired women who threw her arms around a young blonde lady. The blonde must have been Maysilee. She bravely took her place on stage.

" And for the male tribute..." The women pulled another slip out of the pool of names. She dragged her announcment out for what seemed like forever but was only a few minutes.

Finally, she opened her mouth and looked at the crowd. " Haymitch Albernathy!"

My heart dropped and my mother and a few others burst into tears, obviosly not trying to hide their grief. It was one of those moments when time lapses, everything is in slow motion it seems but all happened so fast. I took a deep breath and tromped onto the stage.

President Snow's visious snake-like eyes followed me, examining me from head to toe. He smirked as I was led off the stage to almost certain death.

Oooo, nice! I like the Hunger Games a lot and this is really good! If I'm not mistaken, Haymitch is the mentor for Katniss and Peeta right? I've never really heard of fan fiction before, but this seemed really good. You followed all the story line points and really didn't change anything. All in all, this was rather excellent! Keep up the good work!

Thanks, and yeah Haymitch is their mentor.

Hey cool idea! I liked the context you put this in. I think you started off a bit abrupt. This is ok if you go back later in the story but maybe you should start from the point Haymitch wakes up? Also this seems a bit short. Other than that good work!

Thanks, and yeah I know it's short. I'm working on extending it!

Why hello there my dear; I am Warrior Princess the Mockingjay, and I will be reviewing this lovely tidbit of fanfiction today!

To begin with, I love the idea you have going here: to tell Haymitch's story. He's one of the most complicated and interesting characters in the Hunger Games trilogy, and I always kind of wondered what things were like for him during his time in the Games. I hope you continue with this story. Now, on to the nitpicks! (The parts in bold print are my corrections and/or comments.

The air bit at my face. I tugged on my jacket. I could barely see, the violent wind whipping my curly brown locks into my face; covering my gray eyes that matched most there should probably be an "of" between these two words the people in The Seam. Nice imagery.

Arranged in order by age, District Twelve stood in the freezing wind, frail and anxious to hear who would participate in The Hunger Games.

President Snow stood up on the stage behind his podium, reading his speech. Occasionally , he glanced at the papers on the podium. Saying he's reading it implies that he is looking at the papers the whole time, rather than glancing at them occasionally.

After he was finished, a spunky, perky women stepped up to the stage. She flashed a smile, showing off her pearly white teeth.

" Well, ladies first! " she called into her headset. She glanced at the slip with the name of the girl that would participate in the 50th Hunger Games. The Hunger Games was a jarring, violent, fight to the death broadcasted on every televison in the ruined continent of Panem. I like this sentence.

She waited for minutes, creating suspense within the stressed crowd of worried people and families from District Twelve.

"Maysilee Donner," the women finally announced. I searched the crowd for Maysilee. My eyes set on a dark haired woman who threw her arms around a young blonde woman. I think you should say "girl" instead of "young woman," since you've already used the word "woman" once in the sentence.The blonde must have been Maysilee. Maysilee bravely took her place on tears. Since you just said her name, "she" would flow better than "Maysilee" here.

" And for the male tribute..." The women pulled another slip out of the pool of names. She dragged her announcement out for what seemed like forever but was only a few seconds. Why would she wait several minutes before announcing the first tribute, but only a few seconds the second time?

Finally, she opened her mouth and looked at the crowd. " Haymitch Abernathy!"

My heart dropped and my mother and a few others burst into tears, obviously not trying to hide their grief. It was one of those time lapse moments*, everything is in slow motion, it seems, but all happened so fast. I took a deep breath and tromped onto the stage. *It might be better if you worded it "one of those moments when time lapses."

President Snow's viscious snake-like eyes followed me, examining me from head to toe. He smirked as I was led off the stage to almost certain death.

Well, after all that, you probably think I hated it, when actually the opposite is true. I liked it quite a lot, and I can't wait to read more! *follows*

Awesome, thanks!

I'm going to post the next chapter next week or sometime in November... probobly. I have it written it just needs edited.

Hey Teardrop, CaptianRandom here.

I liked this! You were very descriptive, explaining the pain they were going through, what was going through there mind. I have read the hunger games and this was very well done! Keep up the good work! One thing though, why was President snow up on the podium instead of the major of district 12?

-CaptianRandom

I love the hunger games and I'm so glad I found a fan-fiction about it! It's really great so far and I love the idea of Haymitch's games. It was a bit short so maybe you could add a little more detail? For example when Haymitch gets reaped you can add even more of Haymitch's feelings. Or when Maysilee gets choosen. You can say how Haymitch feels about her. Maybe he recognizes her from somewhere or he thinks she's pretty or something like that. It's really great though! Keep up the good work!

Woah I wrote this a long time ago, I've forgotten about it. ^__^ Thanks for the review!!