Young Writers Society

Dear diary,
I will never forgive Severus for what he did, he had no right! I had just finished my bloody OWLS and I was going to sit next to James, Sirius and Remus. We sat underneath a beach tree.i didn't understand this very well about the beach tree. couldn't you add "i was going to sit under a beach tree with James, Sirius, and Remus." this is just a suggestion. we were just talking add comma I forgot what was being said add comma but something about Severus came up and I jumped to his protection telling everyone he was really nice and everything. the "and everything" seemed out of context in this. Then I heard this yell full of poison come from no where and hit me in the chest hard. I got confused here... did something actually hit her in the chest? The words hurt as they reached my ears 'Mud blood' I turned to look who it was. Even though I knew the voice well enough I just couldn't believe it really "really" sounds strange in this sentence.and there he stood anger pasted on his face and then slowly wiped off by guilt and shame.
Severus.
James stood up confusion. add comma his wand out in a defensive mode; I shook my head at him. He was meant to be my best friend, the only one I knew since I was young the one that helped me get into Hogwarts and told me all about it before I came. Now he's just this person I don't know anymoreadd comma someone that is following This is a name so it should be capitalized, i forget too 'he who shall not be named'. I have to go now Mary has just told me Severus is threatening to sleep outside the dorm unless I come out! For god sake I don't want to see him
Lilly Evan