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Lilly Evans' diary 12



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63 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1072
Reviews: 63
Wed Jan 26, 2011 6:09 pm
Charlii101 says...



Dear diary,
I have to say the most amazing thing happened today in Hogsmead. O.K. I didn't know it was going to happen it wasn't planned ... at least I don't think it was. M e and Severus haven't spoken in ages and I had no one to go to Hogsmead with because of Mary being in the hospital wing, so James, Sirius and Remus asked me to come along and of course Peter Pedigrew was tagged along by them. I said yes because I didn't want to look alone. As soon as we got to Hogsmead Sirius and Peter went into the sweet shop and Remus went into the book shop. Always being the odd one in the group. So I and James just sat on a bench outside both of the shops waiting for them. We were getting on quite well and James had brought his invisibility cloak with him so he kept making practical jokes on the passer bys and I fell off the bench laughing. I saw Alice and Frank and they called me over, I turned to James and told him I was going. So I simply hugged him and turned to walk off only I was pulled back to face James, my hair was irritating my face as I tickled my nose. James pulled it off my face and his arms went around my waist, automatically without thinking my arms went around his neck and my heart was bashing for it life, I felt James' soft lips touch mine and I felt electricity go through, and my heart was a slowly steady pace again. to me it felt as if James had taken my heart from me and captured it and held it close to his, I could feel his heart beating under his sweater he was wearing. I could feel my soul escaping and I felt like I was knocking on heavens' door, his soft lips kissing mine and holding them there even though they didn't want to go anywhere. I forgot about Hogsmead and everyone else I think James did too.
Until.
Seeing as we forgot about everything, Sirius found a perfect opportunity to make James angry. We didn't notice him coming out of the shop with Peter, he had this red lolly really big must of coast him six galleons at least. He simply snuck around behind James and smashed it over his head causing us to come apart. James swung a fist at Sirius while he was laughing but, Sirius ducked out of the way. Then it turned into a boyish fight while I stood there obviously going bright red! I could see red glistening dust in James' hair which could have been lolly pieces, Remus came out of the shop and look upon the two boys fighting in the snow. He quickly got James' attention by yelling his name as loud as he could. James jumped up along with Sirius who had a massive smile on his face. James punched Sirius in the arm. It was funny to re-think about but kind of embarrassing at the start.
Love Lilly Evans
Last edited by Charlii101 on Wed Jan 26, 2011 7:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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106 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Wed Jan 26, 2011 6:58 pm
Funkymomo says...



I just want to say that by now in her life, at least 13, she should be spelling a few more things correctly.
Light one candle instead of cursing the darkness.
  





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Wed Jan 26, 2011 7:43 pm
pointe2mikko says...



I have to say that I was waiting to see how you were going to make them have their first special moment and you did it quite well actually.
It's good, but I just think that if it is a diary entry she should put more emotions into it to show the reader how she was feeling.

I won't say much about the spelling because it's a diary and she doesn't really have to write properly.
Overall, I like! :)
All your scars won't heal till you let go
You're perfectly worth it, forget your mistakes.
If you wanna fly, leave this world with me
We'll touch the sky, let's defy this gravity.


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When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
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