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Young Writers Society


The Silence of her Suffering (part 1)



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30 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1141
Reviews: 30
Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:52 am
Busheldood says...



Although where i lived was usually a sunny place, the huge blobs of water insisted on falling from the sky, onto the cobbles ot the path, and tap rythamic beatings against the window. Her window. The window of the woman who make the rules and excrusiatingly painfull punnishments. She had a cold heart and forever watchful eyes. I was trapped. Stuck with her untill my 18th birthday, which seemed a long way away. I sighed and turned from my position at the wondow. Once again thinking of the feelingthat would swell through me when i turned 18 and left home as soon as possible. The freedom! I had decided i'd leave just after my birthday, if there even was one. But it wasn't soon enough. I still had 5 more long years left.
"Joy" i thought gazing across the square, but spotless living room. It wasn't much with it's small table on a carpet stirped with brown and balck (white shows the dust). The dist which had already begin to settle after my sweeping of the carpet and floor, onto the surface of the minature table.
I let out a rish of air through my pursed lips and got the duster, ot dust the furnature and table once again. Agatha, my aunt, was out and wanted this place to be shining whan she arrived from her meeting with the counselers of the village. She was thought of high rank and thought of very fondly by the towns folk, (to some people she was their idol). But me? i was an insult, burden, all that was left from my dearest mother and father.
I bowed my head in rememberance and respect for them. For my loss. Why did they have to go so soon? would I have saved them? Probably . . . I wish I had said how much they had meant to me. But I hadn't. I had cried and cried, unably to get any words out. Then they had gone. Dad went first, as mum and I shared our last tear welling goodbyes. But her last request wasn't short enough to last with her final breath. Then she was gone. I had nothing and eventually became a nobody. Agatha didn't eve shed a tear that night.
I puzzled over what her last was. To follow my . . . what? It was a mystery. Only I could help myself find my destiny. And I was determined. I imagined where I would go as I sat down and stared at the dust particles as they danced magically. Swerling in and out between themselves as my imagination flew through the few countries I had heard about: Asia England, Spain, Italy . . . but unfortunatly, as I was making my way through Ireland, my thoughts were distracted by an arrival.
My heart sunk as I heard the door slam, followed by the sound of flat clobs on the stone floor. It was agatha.
  





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53 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4624
Reviews: 53
Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:21 pm
amiemalamie says...



Generally I like this but honestly I'm really distracted by the grammar and spelling mistakes at the minute so I'm finding it difficult to read (even though it's short) without stopping all of the time. If you could do a proofread of this and then repost it and message me I'll do a more comprehensive review for you :)
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76 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:56 pm
bugbug368 says...



This is really good and I enjoyed it. Good wording and writing skills. I enjoyed it and will be looking out for more additions soon! :wink:
Nobody is more obsessed with Jedward than I am...
- bugbug368
  





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30 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1141
Reviews: 30
Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:52 pm
Busheldood says...



thanks, I'll try and get some help to correct it and send you the corrected version. :)
  








That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead