Young Writers Society

okay i'm kinda new at this soo here goes...

"Edddd!" i scrambled out of the room screaming, he did it again. Again!
Ed scrambled down the hall giggling like a little school girl, in his hand he held a wet towel,just sopping with water.
"Ed you know i cant stand water!!"i sighed being a chimera wasnt always fun especially when you bunk with a short blond with a thing against cats."yo shorty it'll take ages to dry my ears off, you better cime help!"
"Who did you call Extra small super pipsqueak?!"his face was red and scrunched together in his 'angry' look.
"You, now come help me!"

k it's not done yet but this is short notice

Hey,
Okay, I have no idea what chimera chick is, but I'd thought I'd help you out.
For one, bad grammar is a pet peeve of many people here. Try to capitalize all of your I's. Even when your not posting a work, people like good grammar, especially if it's obvious grammatical rules that kindergardeners know, and no text talk or speak or whatever (I don't use it enough to know what it's called.) This is a writing website after all.

i scrambled out of the room screaming, he did it again.
This is a run-on sentence. Just put a period where the comma is.

Ed scrambled down the hall giggling like a little school girl, in his hand he held a wet towel,just sopping with water.
Comma before giggling.

i sighed being a chimera wasnt always fun especially when you bunk with a short blond with a thing against cats.
Another run-on. Put a period before being, and an apostrophe in wasn't.

"yo shorty it'll take ages to dry my ears off, you better cime help!"
Shorty needs commas around it. Cime should be come.

"Who did you call Extra small super pipsqueak?!"his face was red and scrunched together in his 'angry' look.
She didn't call him extra small super pipsqueak.

k it's not done yet but this is short notice
Personally, I don't like exerpts. I don't think you can use them for much. Just wait until you've got the whole chapter written and then post it. We'll wait.

Okay, I hope this helps, and that you have a good YWS experience. If you need a review, just tell me, and I'll read whatever you need.
Megsug

Capitalize your I's always, like megsug wrote it will help people gain respect for you and your writings. Also, why did you post it if it wasn't done? There was no rush, and it looks kinda stupid. No offense. It was good but what the heck is a chimera? I think the reader might like more of the following....
1. description
2. length
3. description
4. grammar edits
5. spelling edits.
There may have been more but on to the good stuff. It was good but like I said before, really really short. Make it longer! PM me when you do! I'll still be here! Haha, lots of love!
Jenn