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The Past, The Present And The Revenge Chapter 2



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Sat Mar 19, 2011 4:35 pm
ehte92 says...



Chapter 2: 18 senses danger




A big mansion is seen with a beautiful garden and chirping of birds. The mansion, an extravagant maze of Victorian craftsmanship – marvelous, baffling, and eerily eccentric, to say the least.

And a loud screaming voice breaks the silence scaring a flock birds which were calmly resting on the gigantic maple tree which had formed a canopy at the entrance of the garden.

“WHERE IS MY MONEY!?”

“I know, I know I will give your 20M, just give me one day”, said Satan.

” No, I want it now…20M or you are history“; Android 18 breaks a table and throws a cupboard.

It was Android 18 who had come back again to ask for her pending money from Mr. Satan - the earth’s hero.

“No, no. World martial arts tournament is nearing by and I don’t want to get humiliated, have mercy.” Satan catches 18’s legs and starts trembling.

18 drags Satan out to the public.

Man1:”Look our Hero is grabbing that lady’s leg”.

Man2:”Yeah buddy, seems like he’s begging”

Satan alerted of situation and jumped to his heroic form and said with a grin “This is my new leg grapple technique, I’m teaching my disciple here.
“Please cooperate.” Satan whispered to 18 in a pleading tone.
"Another 5M and I won’t throw you in air” said 18 as Satan nodded with a stupid smile.

One more nanobot is observing 18’s act.

18 feels some frequency clash in her mind. Receiver in her ear picks up some signals but she cannot understand what it is.

She flies away without the money which Satan was supposed to give to her.

"So you learnt to fly, tomorrow I will teach you the slow reaction punch that I used against you to defeat you in martial arts tournament; My best disciple you know” said Satan grinning.

18 knew where to go. She went directly to Bulma who was working on a strange device. Vegeta was seen sleeping in the recovery chamber.

“What’s up with him?” said 18 pointing towards Vegeta.

”He trained in 100000 times gravity for hours and broke himself up; he is thinking that Goku will turn up someday and will be trained hard. So he got to be prepared” said Bulma as she giggled.

“How long is he going to sit there??” asked 18.

”May be couple of months, don’t worry he’ll be all right" replied Bulma.

”Like as if I care” said 18 pushing her hair back.

” What brings you here 18??” asked Bulma as she continued working on that device.

“Yeah I completely forgot, I have been receiving these strange interceptions in my receiver, seems like someone is observing us as I felt some electromagnetic signals” said 18 as she walked around Bulma impatiently.

“Let me check. Probably a circuitry problem. Lie down on the table and stay still.” said Bulma.

“I have stored the signal in my memory bank, try hearing it” 18 told while Bulma unhinged her head.

Bulma connected the a module to her head and put on the speakers.

“Too peculiar to be a circuitry problem” said Bulma.

“Trunks you got to see this.” Bulma called Trunks who was on a business video conference.

“What’s it mom??” Trunks asked.

“Listen to this.” said Bulma.

Trunks hears the sound and thinks that this can be a signal that is being transmitted.

“This is a coded message mom.” said Trunks.

Everyone seems puzzled.


What could this signal be? A message of danger? A cry for help?
Last edited by ehte92 on Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Are you living for the things you are praying for?
  





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76 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1570
Reviews: 76
Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:07 pm
bugbug368 says...



This is really good. I do like this. Only a couple picky parts that can be changed easily. First of all, the last couple of sentences are good and gets the reader thinking, but is it really nessecary to have two question marks next to each other? One will just be enough, there is no need for two.
Also:

"Another 5M and I won’t throw you in air” said 18 as Satan nodded with a stupid maybe you could use a different word for stupid: like dim/obtuse/dull/brainless. This will make it sound more intelligent smile.


Overall, I found this just as good as the first one and it's well thought about and written. Keep writing. :wink:

- bugbug368 :pirate1:
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- bugbug368
  








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