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Miles Ahead (Chapter 1.1)



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Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:11 am
Lumi says...



Spoiler! :
This is a novel based on my Nuzlocke challenge of Pokemon Emerald. My Nuzlocke rules are:

1.) You can only attempt to catch the first Pokemon encountered in a route/cave. If it faints, flees, or you fail, move along. No second chances.
2.) If a Pokemon faints, you must consider it dead and either release it or permanently box it.
3.) Nickname all Pokemon, whether you use them or not. Nuzlocke is about bonding.

Miles' story will be broken into his blog posts and his real narrative. This post starts with a Blog entry.

CC is welcome, though I'm doing this mostly for fun.


Faithful (0) Readers,

My name is Miles. I am a seventeen year-old Jewish accident from the Orre region. My father is a fifth-generation gym leader. My entire life, I’ve lived around Pokemon, but mother has strictly—and by that I mean lawfully—forbade me from following in my father’s footsteps. When I heard we were moving to the Hoenn Region, my hopes perked up a bit. Not really for a huge future in Pokemon, but just for a future in general. I always felt like I was dying in Orre, like the flower planted closest to the highway, always coming closer to vanishing each and every day.

So when Dad came home late for dinner one night with huge—I mean it guys, huge—news, I got excited.

And then came, as is its nature, the disappointment.

To size up our new and exciting life in Hoenn, a fact:

Littleroot Town, population: 12.

Littleroot town isn’t even technically a town. It’s a hybrid camp of research and log milling. Professor Birch, my new neighbor, has a family of four. My family takes up three other spots in the 12 residents. That leaves five loggers in Littleroot, all of which have bucked, yellow teeth and the body odor of a rancid Snorlax.

Dad works in Petalburg now, and it seems to be going okay for him. Mom’s kept me inside so far, but I have a feeling that today might be the day I finally get to breathe in some fresh sawdust.

-Miles

__ __ __ __

I close my laptop and stare at the clock, unset and unmoving. It’s the kind of dollar-store clock that makes ticking sounds louder or softer depending on what second it is. After a week, I’ve learned to hate the twenty-seven second mark. The walls are pale plaster white, and nothing breaks up the tundra pattern except for a picture of an Azurill I hung up when I first got here. Mom didn’t approve, but I made that face she can’t say no to, and she left it alone. I think it’d be nice to own an Azurill one day, but there’s really no reason to get my hopes up.

Footsteps. Seven. Twelve. Fourteen. “Miiiiles.” Mom sings Soprano and likes to flaunt it. She’s such a soft woman with her high cheekbones and brown hair—it’s like she could never refuse anything from anyone, but she’s misleading like quicksand. She smiles at me and pinches my cheek, just taking in the view of the same thing she’s been staring at for seventeen-and-six-nineteenths years. I love her and all, but she smells too much like Lemon Pledge for me to want her here. She presses a finger to the unset clock and frowns, looking down to me. “Now why did you stop this poor thing?” She clicks it into gear and I try to come up with an appropriate response.

My mind comes up with the fantasy word, “Kurblagh.” Yes. That fits well enough.

“There,” she says, and the clock ticks down. “Now you have no excuse to be late anywhere.”

“Not that I go anywhere, mother.” My voice is more defiant than I want it to be, but probably just right without my knowing.

Her nice little housewife smile takes a nosedive, and suddenly she’s heartbroken. “Well! I suppose you don’t want to take my errand list for me after all, then.”

Don’t say yes don’t say yes anything but”O-Of course I do!” It’s like the defiance was never there, just a stray thought on a cloudy day.

“Good,” she replies, and gingerly hands me a list of three things. It, too, smells of Lemon Pledge, and I wonder if mother cleans with the stuff or makes martinis with it. “Go along, then. I’ll be here readying dinner for you and your faaaaather.”

__ __ __ __

The air, as predicted, tastes of sawdust. It reminds me of days back in Orre when my family would go to the sawmills for sand for my sandbox in the backyard. Mother would always cover my nose and keep a tissue handy in case anything needed to be pried out of me.

Item One: Give cobbler recipe to Angel Birch like I promised Tuesday.
Item Two: Give Professor Birch the Petalburg Gym address for your father.
Item Three: Have a wonderful time, sweetheart.


Really, Mom? Really?

I knock on the door of the Birch house; it wasn’t too far, just a block down the dirt road. There are footsteps inside, but they’re slow. I start to wonder about how many natural birds there are in the sky versus Pokemon like Tailow and Pidgey. The door opens and a woman with heavy, dark eyes looks at me cautiously. “Are you a robber?” she asks. Her breath smells like Hamburger Helper and Diet Rite. Suddenly, I miss the Lemon Pledge of home.

“I’m Miles Cohen, Miriam and Norman’s son.” I smile a tiny bit and her eyes lighten gradually.

“Oh, you’re our new neighbors’ boy, then…” I nod slowly and she takes out a cigarette and lights up with a smile. “Come on in, kid.”

I walk into the house and wonder why Mom had made friends with this poor family. If anything, it would be one of her charity projects. The dishes at the sink are piled high and the lights are off, save the glow of the TV on Lilycove’s own Deal-or-Drapion

“What brings you here, Miley?”

“It’s Miles,” I assure her, a bit annoyed, “and I’m here to give you Mom’s recipe for her Maple Cobbler.” I try another smile, and it comes out half-baked and crooked. In the reflection of the grimy windows, I can see myself with black hair and a slanted smile.

“Oh, that syrupy stuff. Yeah, that’s some pretty good cobbler.” She reaches out and takes the slip of paper Mom gave me with the to-do list and smiles. “You’re alright, kid.” She nods towards the stairs and a bobby pin falls from her mess of hair. “I have a daughter who’s probably about your age. She’s upstairs if you wanna meet her.”

She returns to the couch and lays back, stuffing the recipe into her shirt. I look at the stairs and swallow any rude pride keeping me planted on the floor—no, wait; that’s bubblegum. I twist my shoe off of the pink blob on the floor and inch to the stairs, taking all thirteen strides with a breath.

And she’s there, sitting at her desk, watching a video about juggling Pokeballs.

That apple, it fell so far from the tree that it must have been adopted by another vineyard. She’s gorgeous, and she sees me.

And we stare at each other.

Silence.

Awkward silence.

“Miles.”

“May.”

Compliment her, doofus. “Uh, y---uh, nice balls.”

Ohgod.

Her eyes are flat, but auburn and stunning like sundown over the ocean. A knot swells in my throat and I clench my fists. “You’re a P-Pokemon trainer?”

“Yeah,” she says, and grins. “Wanna battle?”

My eyes grow wide and I shake my head before I can even think about her question. “I, uh, I don’t have a Pokemon.”

“Too bad,” she says, tossing a ball into the air. “Because trainer boys are hot.”

And it’s stuck in my head, this freaked image of the two of us riding a dragon, her arms wrapped around my chiseled abs. Her hair is flowing in the breeze and I flex my biceps and make the dragon move just on my sheer awesome power alone.

“But yeah, it’s too bad you’re not a trainer.” She shrugs and winks. “We could’ve been friends.” Something beeps and she launches from her desk to grab her PokeNav off of her bed. “Gotta go, Miles. Dad wants me to check out some swarm sightings up near Oldale.”

“B-Bye,” I say, and watch her leave. She strides out with the hip sway of a Burlesque harlot. The way she grips her Pokeballs is like the force of Orion’s shoulders, gently cradling the Earth, and ohYaweh.

__ __ __ __

Downstairs, I watch the game show over Mrs. Birch’s slumping shoulder. It’s been ten minutes since I asked her where her husband is, but she watches on with dedication, as though the host would be swarmed by Dustox if she couldn’t see him. At commercial break, she turns her head to me, sitting on a barstool with my arms around my knees, and shrugs. “I guess he went out to the Route to study.”

I frown, but it’s registering. Slowly, gradually, I realize that she’s given me my first inch out the door.

“I guess you’ll have to go find him.” She turns back to the TV as a Drapion slams his tail through a piñata on-screen. Rare Candies fly everywhere, and children run to pick them up. Before they can eat, I’m out the door and running full-speed-ahead to the town gate.

Here comes freedom. Here comes adventure. Here comes my life!

“Miiiiiiiles!”

Like a man on fire, I duck behind a tower of logs and hide, chest heaving with heavy breath. Sweet seeps out to my forehead and I close my eyes, listening for her voice. Her soaring melody flies away, and I poke my head over the logs to see nothing but a clear pasture between me and the house. I fall back onto my butt and sigh in relief, dropping my hands to the grass. The left hand lands on something cotton-y and soft. I look down and arch an eyebrow at the hat now in my grasp. I stow it through a belt loop and stand up, brushing the grass off of my legs seven times before walking for the town gate.

Suddenly, the anxiety of leaving home swells up like a wave after a quake, like the clouds just before a storm. Slowly, hesitantly, I take my first step, right-foot first, out of the town, and hear violent shouting from the forest.


Hesitantly, I run, stumbling over twigs the size of a spaghetti noodle, and find a man in a lab coat, back to a tree and a brown raccoon Pokemon, a Zigzagoon, biting at his feet as he kicks. With eyes wide, I stagger back, ready to run for help. “Help me!” he shouts, and points to his bag, kicking the Zigzagoon’s face away. “In my bag are three Pokemon! G-Grab one and help!”

Famous words rush to my mind as I crouch by the brown satchel. Of all men, I have become one whom has greatness thrust upon him. This, I feel, is the beginning of freedom, the spark of adventu—

“HELP!”

I grab a Pokeball without looking and throw it onto the ground, releasing a blue mud fish—Mudkip!—into the grass. The little Pokemon growls softly and glares at the Zigzagoon. “Mudkip, uh…Uh, tackle it!”

The Pokemon complies without hesitation, and Zigzagoon rolled backwards, catching a face full of pollen from nearby flowers. Sneezing violently, the poor thing ran off, yelping.

Professor Birch, he slowly rises from the grass and stares at me and Mudkip, grinning. He’s a tall, lanky man with sandals and shorts on with his lab coat. Nothing about him is as I predicted, but nothing really ever is. “You, you should come to my lab later.”

In the lab, Professor Birch is completely different. I think it's because of his Aides, how they all seem to respect him more than they should. He stands by this huge white machine and grins to me as I fidget with my new hat on my head. "The way you battled earlier reminded me of seeing your Father's battling on TV years ago." He chuckled, putting a hand on my shoulder. "And I think that it's high time you try your hand at it."

"But I--"

"I know you've not been allowed yet, Miles!" He laughed, his beer gut shaking. "But! You're about to be a man! There's no stopping destiny, son, and you have a helluva destiny ahead of you!"

I smile softly, genuinely, and look to my shoes. It's moments like these that I can't look people in the eyes, or else I feel like I'll cry or hug them or something else ridiculous. But Professor Birch just nods and hands me the Pokeball from before. "Give him a nickname. He's yours."

There's a flood of ideas again, anything from old Greek gods to old friends from the playground. But one sticks like mud on the skin after a rainy day in the park. "Peter. I'll name him Peter."


_______________________________________________________________

STATS

Team:
>Peter | Lv5 Mudkip | Tackle, Growl

Body Count: 0
I am a forest fire and an ocean, and I will burn you just as much
as I will drown everything you have inside.
-Shinji Moon


I am the property of Rydia, please return me to her ship.
  





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Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:43 am
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Bloo says...



so i herd u liek mudkipz

/necessary meme
That User Who Changed Their Name A Dozen Times And So No One Ever Knew Who They Were Half the Time and When They Did Only Used Bolt.

The tragic tale of losing all #Brand for nothing in return.

The Take Away Is You Probably Know Me As Bolt
  





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Thu Apr 21, 2011 12:52 pm
Azila says...



Lumi wrote:Oh jeez. xD You don't even have to do it. I wasn't really being serious. But if you want to, feel free. 8D
Lumpy, dear, this is Zila you're talking to. With Zila any review request is a serious one. So, I'm going to be a jerkface Zila and give you a real review on this. Even if you don't even read it. ^_^

I'm not going to do nitpicks, but there were three things that popped out to me while I was reading:

Don’t say yes don’t say yes anything but”O-Of course I do!” It’s like the defiance was never there, just a stray thought on a cloudy day.
Just a little spacing issue that bothered me a bit. There should be some sort of punctuation after the "but" (em-dash, maybe?) and the second O of the stutter-of doesn't need to be capitalized: "O-of." Nice imagery there with the cloudy day, though. Very poetic. :}

Sweet seeps out to my forehead and I close my eyes, listening for her voice.
Sweat?

The Pokemon complies without hesitation, and Zigzagoon rolled backwards, catching a face full of pollen from nearby flowers. Sneezing violently, the poor thing ran off, yelping.
Tense slip-up. Also, while I'm at it that second sentence is a little odd since you have both "sneezing violently" and "yelping," and they both feel sort of tacked on. Maybe something more like "With violent sneezes and [adjective?] yelps, the poor thing ran off." Either that or you could get rid of either "sneezing violently" or "yelping" all together, though that would be a bit of a shame.


It's a little odd for me to review this because I know absolutely nothing about Pokemon, but hopefully I'll be able to be of some help anyhow. I'll just pretend like it's any other story, except ignore the fact that I had to Google a bunch of words. xD So. I liked this. You have a fun writing style that kept me reading but also let me know not to take the whole thing too seriously. I'm impressed with your character-developing skills, honestly--they're a bit caricature-ish (which is absolutely fine for this kind of piece) and they're quite entertaining. You did a fantastic job of portraying them, too. For example, I have a really good sense of what his mother looks like and what she would do in almost any situation, even though you didn't really describe her much. The Item Three made me gag/laugh. Your descriptions are good as well--I like the amount of time you spend describing smells. Good job.

The only big qualm I have about this is the part after he sees the girl, when he's down stairs watching Mrs. Birch watch TV... and then he's suddenly in the grass having some epic battle and throwing Pokemon around? O.o It might make sense if I actually had any familiarity with what your fanfic-ing, but (and I probably sound like a doofus saying this) I got completely lost there. I'd like some better description of the surroundings, maybe, so I could picture it better? And I'd like to see Miles's reaction be a little more defined. I can't really tell--is he surprised? Pleased? Scared? He says "here comes my life" but that feels stale to me. It feels like something you'd just say, not something that has anything to do with how you actually [i]feel[/].

Also, something I noticed is that Miles seems to have an obsession with numbers. I think it's kind of a cool character trait, actually, but it's a little hard for me to tell at this point if it's 100% intentional on your part. If you meant to do it: good job! It's neat. If you didn't mean to: just know that you are. ^_^

Okeydoke, I'm going to get outta here before I embarrass myself anymore. Good job, Lumpy. It's certainly a tribute to your skills that someone as Pokenoobish as me could read this and still enjoy it.

Beamishly,
a

P.S. Not to burst your bubble or anything, but the title of this is rather similar to the title of Miley Cyrus's autobiography. Disturbingly similar. D:
  





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Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:53 pm
tr3x says...



Uh, y---uh, nice balls.

MUDKIPZZZ!
Haha, this was really great. I love the Nuzlocke challenge, it makes you appreciate Pokemon you'd never use otherwise. Looks like pokerus is spreading on YWS. Check out emylove's Nuzlocke challenge, its pretty cool too.
So, about your storyline. I like it. Kid with overprotective mum gets a taste of freedom, and decides to become a trainer to impress cute girl next door. Miles seems like a bit of a wimp. He doesn't rebel against his parents, he's awkward in conversation, and he's self conscious all the time. I look forward to reading this series.
P.S. Catch a Zigzagoon. It's pickup ability will come in useful, and its actually quite a flexible Pokemon.
A lie can run around the world before the truth has got its boots on.
- Terry Pratchett

Si non confectus, non recifiat - If it ain't broken, don't fix it.
  





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Fri May 13, 2011 12:54 am
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emmylove says...



GRAAAAARRRRRRR!!! Your first chapter is so much better than my first chapter!

I was going to nitpick, but somebody else already covered it.

Lately, I haven't been writing anything or even playing the game, but I've also been having random bursts of insanely good descriptions and urges to write. There's the slightly-overdue second Nuzlocke chapter or the way-overdue sixth Harvest Moon short story. You've inspired me to write me some Pokemans this weekend. (bad grammar and wrong spelling of Pokemon intentional)

There is one little tiny miniscule little thing I wanted to comment on though. When Miles is talking about his chiseled abs and muscular biceps, I wasn't one-hundred percent sure if he was just imagining it or if he actually has these things. You can understand my confusion, surely, because in my fan-fic, he definitely has these things, but Canon-ly speaking, it's fairly ambiguous. It could go either way.

Also, I'm not totally in love with May's dialogue, but I guess it's whatever floats your boat.

I'm excited. You're excited. We we we so excited.

Good luck. I hope Peter stays healthy. Keep writing. That is all.
We've stayed until the very end.
This is real for us.
  








i don't need to search the stars to know myself
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