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A Gift To Remember



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Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:47 am
creativelyyours says...



Chapter One-Worst Present Giver Ever

He's here!

I rushed to my bedroom window at the sound of an engine roaring to a stop in the driveway. I rubbed away the frost with the palm of my hand and stared through the cleared oval. The snow was still falling since earlier and had piled about two inches high, but my eyes were fixed on the car parked just below my window. The driver's door swung open and out stepped my twin brother, Ryan. Snow began to gather on top of his red fedora as he slammed the door shut. He rubbed his bare hands together before stuffing them into his trench coat and moved towards the front door.

For the past week Ryan had been on a school trip with the drama club. Mrs. Darbus created an original play where the actors would portray starving teenagers, so she thought a field trip oversees would be the perfect way to gain inspiration for their characters. She could be a little extreme sometimes due to her passion for the arts. I could have also attended the trip, but I had better things to do. Besides, that's what the Internet was for. Ryan on the other hand was thrilled to go. Although I enjoyed being the only child in the house for a few days, I couldn't wait for him to get back. I was excited to see what kind of gifts he brought me.

I watched him trudge through the snow and frowned as I noticed that he didn't have any bags in hand. Maybe he brought me a small gift that could fit in his pocket. I perked back up and raced to my bedroom door.

Just as I descended the last step of the spiral staircase, the front door opened. "Ryan!" I squealed, running into his arms. "I missed you so much."

"I doubt that.”

I pulled away from him and beamed. "What did you get me?"

Ryan shed off his coat and hung it onto the coat hanger. "Yea, I had a great time. Thanks for asking." He sank into the sofa and let out a wearied sigh.

I waved off his sarcasm and flopped down next to him. "We can talk about that later." I gasped. "Did you get me silk from China? What about those cute little bracelets from India?"

Ryan shook his head and gave a broad smirk.

"Then what did you get me?" I pleaded, bouncing in my seat. "Come on, you know I'm not a patient person."

"I got you this." Ryan pulled out a curled brochure from his pants pocket.

I took it disappointedly and looked it over. On the front, a Christmas tree decorated with a string of lights and a glowing star at the top stood before a dark blue night sky. I looked inside expecting a gift card or something, but there were only printed words and pictures of poor kids. "What is this?"

"It's a charity event called A Gift to Remember. People go here and drop off things like toys and clothes for those in need."

I frowned and flipped it over to the back. "What am I supposed to do with it?"

Ryan laughed. "You're supposed to go with me. Tonight. We're volunteering."

"Um, thanks but not thanks." I handed the brochure back to him. "Tonight's the Christmas party."

"Well, just in case you change your mind..." Ryan placed it back in my hand as our mom walked in.

"Breakfast is ready."

"Great, I'm starved!" Ryan jumped to his feet and followed her towards the kitchen.

I continued to stare down at the brochure, hoping that it wasn't the only gift he was hiding in his pockets. If so, he was the worst present giver ever.

***


Ryan vacuumed down his scrambled eggs while I sat in front of him nibbling a piece of toast.

I groaned and threw the wretched tasting thing onto my plate. "I can't eat this stuff. Do you know how many calories are in that sausage."

"You used to love this stuff," Ryan said, through a mouthful of eggs.

"Yea, before I grew a brain." I got up and cleared my plate into the trash.

"Sharpay!" Ryan cried out in horror. "Don't you know that people are dying all over the world from hunger?"

I placed my hands on my hips. "And how was I supposed to give that to them? Send it via email?" I shook my head as I pulled open the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.

"If they can't afford food, I'm sure they don't own computers," Ryan mumbled.

I cracked open my bottle and took a sip, my eyes watching Ryan. I saw the concern in his face and I started to feel bad for not supporting his new "save the world" attitude. He was always a caring guy, but why did he have to care so much?

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, fine! I'll give the food to the dog." I walked over to the trash can and looked down. I grimaced at the idea of my freshly painted nail tips digging into garbage. "Next time."

Ryan just shook his head as he chewed on a piece of sausage.

I plopped back down in front of him and placed my bottle on the table. I had my own serious issues to discuss. "So here's my Christmas list: A Louie Vuitton bag, because my old one is so last season; some new Jimmy Choo's..."

Ryan stared at me as if I were naming items from a bargain bin. "You know there are more important things than Louie Vuitton and Jimmy Choo."

I snorted. “Well, yeah. Coach, Manolo, Prada..." I counted on my fingers.

Ryan sighed and pushed his food around his plate. "That's not exactly what I meant."

I knew he was starting to get frustrated with me so I pretended to be interested in his wants for a change. "Well what do you want for Christmas?"

"Poverty prevention."

"What, are you entering a beauty pageant?" This wasn't the Ryan I knew my whole life. Always full of energy and practically tap dancing on the table. He was so somber and gloomy, as if that trip somehow sucked out his spirit.

Ryan dropped his fork. "Seeing all of those poor kids really got to me. I want to do all that I can to help them out."

"You're not Super Ryan," I reminded him. Even if he did play a superhero in our last school production. "You can't help everyone."

"But I can help some. Starting with those in this neighborhood, and you're coming with me." He pointed a fork loaded with pancakes in my direction.

I looked away. Both from disgust and guilt. I didn't want to be selfish, but I didn't have anything to give away. What could homeless kids do with diamond earrings? Plus, I had a huge event to go to. Was I really supposed to blow it off for something I just found out about the same day?

"But what about the Christmas party?"

"Don't you think helping out at charity is more important than going to some party?" I could see the passion sizzling in his eyes. Whenever Ryan was determined to do something he put his whole heart into it. Drive and determination were elements I admired, me being the same way.

I groaned. "Ok," I muttered. "I'll be there."

"You promise?"

I thought it over for a moment. If I was going to back out, now was the time. I studied Ryan’s face and caught the sign of hope in his expression. "Yes,” I sighed. “I promise."

A huge grin spread across Ryan's mouth. "Great! You will never forget this."

As I stared down at my sparkling water, I thought differently. A shiny silk China scarf is something I would never forget. But since he didn't get me one of those, this charity thing would have to do.
~God is Love. Love like God.~

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Wed Dec 14, 2011 4:09 am
dogs says...



Hey Creative! Dogs here with your review today! Great piece you have here I really like! I would say that the thing I like most about this is mainly your writing style. You focus mostly on dialogue with some actions but not to many and you are rooted in Sharpay's mind who is constantly thinking and bouncing off the walls is my first take about her. And to write in this style you have to have strong characters which, to have stronger characters, you must "layer" these characters as you have done very well.

You make these characters very 3-dimentional, as I like to call it, but having Ryan so visibly changed by the trip he went to, this is layering your character because Sharpay has told us how he used to be and this is how he is now. Now as for sharpay, I really love her because she is that bouncy, high strung, high energy, self-centered, melodramatic, characters that I absolutely adore. I have to put at least one of those characters in my writing every time. You have shown us that she is a little self- centered and isn't open to everyone's opinions and what not but she is caring and does have a heart because she finally does agree to going to the charity thing.

So far this is a good piece and I really like it, simple idea with already complex characters. Keep up the good work and please let me know the next time you post your next chapter!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032
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Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:04 am
NightWriter says...



Hey CreativelyYours!

Again, this is an amazing piece! The only thing that hasn't been pointed out is,

I plopped back down in front of him and placed my bottle on the table. I had my own serious issues to discuss. "So here's my Christmas list: A Louie Vuitton bag, because my old one is so last season; some new Jimmy Choo's..."

Ryan stared at me as if I were naming items from a bargain bin. "You know there are more important things than Louie Vuitton and Jimmy Choo."

(the above are examples) That it's actually 'Louis Vuitton'. You know the French. Silent 'S's and all that!

Other than that, I loved it! Great job!

NightWriter x
raised by wolves // brought up on words.
  





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Mon Dec 19, 2011 4:03 am
writingangel24xx says...



Hey! This is really well-written. It sounds like an interesting first chapter and the characters seem to act as foils for each other. It will be neat to see where this is going. The characters are very believable. However, the only negative thing I can say is that already the message of the story seems a little too obvious. I feel like it would be even better if this story was somehow more complex. Hope I wasn't too harsh, but other than that, I really like your style. Good luck!
  








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