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Rain Before Dawn, Chapter 4



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Sun Apr 24, 2005 12:08 pm
Darkmoon158 says...



I know y'all thinking that I'd never be able to come on again, oh soooo wrong, oh and here's chapter 4

Chapter 4

A short plumb man wearing a white overcoat walks in. By now it is almost nightfall and with it, it is dark in her room.

“Ms. Soto may I steal a minute of your time?”

“Yeah I guess so.”

She pulls the covers off of herself and sits on the bed. Nervously she puts some wavy brown hair behind her ears and sits up straight, although it hurts her back not to mention her head.

“May I be the first one to say, Ms. Soto, that you are a very lucky girl. In all the other accident victims I have treated none have come out of a wreck, like that, almost unharmed.”

“Yeah well, I’m not like other people.” she joked uneasily.

“Are you ready to leave?”

Valerie looks down at her hospital gown and looks back up at Dr. Collins.

“Oh course after you change into some clothes.”

She nods, “Yes then.”

He leaves. Valerie lets out a big sigh of relief and wipes some sweat off of her forehead. As she does that something catches her eye, a stack of purple on the end of her bed.

“Did Dr. Collins leave that?” she thinks and picks it up.

Unfolding it she sees it’s a short dark purple cut-off dress

“It’s something to wear I guess.”

She walks into the little cubical sized bathroom in her room.

“Strange,” she says while looking at the tag, “it’s my size.”

Taking off her gown she slips into the dress. She realizes now that it is a tight fit. Satisfied she stalks out and waits in her chair. Her mom walks in just as she sits down.

“Ready? Where did you get that?” she says looking at the dress weirdly.

Valerie gets up. “The doctor gave it to me.” Her mom nods and takes out a slip.

“We have to stop on our way home, the doctor gave me a prescription I need to get for you.”

Valerie marches out the door. Her mom gives a once around the room and shuts the door, leaving the room empty or so she thinks.

The cherry red BMW drives down the long winding dirt path. Valerie looks out the window; ever since she was little she can remember her adventures in the forest around her house. Valerie smiles remembering how the ’jungle’ was full of tigers and evil bugs. But her smile fades when she sees a pair of glowing red eyes as the car passes by. After the two minute drive down the path they put up to a clearing with a house right in the middle. The house has a small cottage look with its light blue walls and cloud white shutters. The only thing that stops the cottage theme is the fact the house is huge.

“Home sweet home.” Valerie whispers excitedly and opens the passenger side door.

She jogs up to the door and rushes inside. The sweet scent of cinnamon wakes her nose up telling her she’s home, she’s home. She sprints up the stairs and into her room. The first thing she does is jump on her bed; she forgot how soft it was. She stares up at her ceiling and looks at the poster of Devon Stone; her teenage heartthrob. She sits up and looks around; everything is the way it was the day she left. Her lava lamp still is on top of her nail-polish covered desk. Her stickered-up computer is sitting next to her lava lamp. As for the rest of her room, the walls covered with posters, pictures and bumper stickers except for one small window that has never been touched. Yet memories flood into her brain about that very window sill, so many memories.

She sighs, “God it’s great to be home!”

After yawning a bit she rests onto her soft midnight blankets; falling fast asleep.

Sorry guys didn't realize that it wasn't finished oh well I'll put part 2 up when I get around to it
For now I will let the blood drip from my fingers...
  





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Sun Apr 24, 2005 11:24 pm
Shadow Knight says...



This part seems a little, fast paced, you're making it like my story! TOO FAST PACED!
Cause i'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man revolution.
  





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Reviews: 38
Wed Apr 27, 2005 8:23 pm
Darkmoon158 says...



Yeah I know it's a bit fast but I wanted to speed up that part so I could just get on..........here's part two of that chapter it's short, I think.

She yawns; realizing how tired she really is. It seems as though with every blink she takes she gets more tired. Finally she takes her last blink before falling fast asleep on her blanket.

In a few minutes there is a knock upon her door, it’s her mom.

She pushes the door open when she doesn’t hear an answer.

“I have something-.”

She looks at Valerie passed out on her bed. All she can do is stare at her. She closes the door disappointedly. Although the door is shut her words aren’t.

“One day, Princess Eve, one day.”

Valerie tosses and turns in her sleep. Her face winced up like a prune.


The little girl, about age three, is sitting in her mothers’ lap. Her mother looks down upon her child, her deep emerald eye filled with glee. The girls’ father looks upon her too. Suddenly two huge wooden doors fling open reveling a hoard of tree looking creatures. A ear-piercing shriek sounds through the air……
For now I will let the blood drip from my fingers...
  





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Fri Apr 29, 2005 3:11 am
neonshorty says...



Ok...this post is for the third and fourth chapters. I really like the way you describe certain things like how Valerie's room looks and that sort of thing. But other things you did not describe like the hospital room. Also I think you should make the dialog a little more real by making it longer....I think...but it doesn't sound totally real to me. I think the story line is really really good but I agree with shadow night that it is rushed. Slow it all down and describe everything. I speed up my stories too so I usually write the parts I have in my head first no matter where it fits into the story, then I fill in the gaps...if that made any sense.
  





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38 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 38
Sun May 01, 2005 3:11 pm
Darkmoon158 says...



I have a hard decision to make. So I need to ask my readers, I revised chapters 1-4 and I wanted to know if you guys want me to post them. If so then, in one post or four? Thank you for your time.
For now I will let the blood drip from my fingers...
  








You flare, you flicker, you fade... And in the end, all your tomorrows become yesterdays.
— Megatron (Lost Light, by Roberts, Lawrence, Lafuente)