“What's with you and these crazy ideas?”
“Haha, you're like some sort of fairy tale!”
“Calm down! Stop twirling around every which way.”
Kailee, my sister, I wonder... What would you say to me today this first line was a little confusing. Maybe if you said it like ‘Kailee, sister… What will you say to me today?’ ? You would probably pat my head roughly and say “Everything isn't over! Get a grip and calm down.” It may seem rude, but that was just the way you showed your affection. You were always relaxed and joking around, poking fun at my strange ideas. Where are you now? Before, I would have immediately started thinking to myself how it was okay, because you were still you, just somewhere else, in a far off world, maybe.
I'm not quite sure if that's the truth anymore.
“Stop with your incessant twirling already.”
“You'll loose brain [space] cells if you keep thinking about those things.”
“Don't keep thinking such pointless thoughts.”
You used to say these wordsin agently,though. And even when you told me over and over to keep my head and stay grounded, I would never listen and just continue on, thinking and twirling and dreaming in my own world far, far away from here. I should have listened. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be in this position right now.
----
“Oh come on, Kailee! Open your mind! I'm not talking about aliens or anything, I'm just saying! What if we aren't alone in the sense of dimensions!” The colors of summer twisted together in a blur, no comma as my feet turned faster and faster on the soft green grass.
“I can't take you seriously when you're twirling around like that.”
“You never take me seriously ever, so why would my twirling around make a difference?”
“Because now instead of sounding like a lune, you look like one too.”
“Awe, that was mean," I teased. I really like this dialogue so far!
“I'm just a mean person, you know that.”
“Maybe if you thought a little. You know, about the world around you, or even of 'impossible' things. It's... fun.”
“Shyla, you're always talking about other worlds and places that just couldn't exist.”
“And how would you know? Huh? What if there was another world somewhere, out of our reach, where there's another you and another me? One where you can do special things or one that's more advanced.”
“Oh great, now you're going on about doppelgangers?”
“Ha-ha," I laughed sarcastically. "The world's maybe ‘the universe’ would fit better here. a big place, you know. And we can't understand it all. Where do you think fictional stories come from? And fairy tales? Someone has to get the ideas from somewhere.”
“That's what an imagination is for, and right now, yours is running wild so you better go catch it and bring it back to reality.”
“Reality, the human mind, earth... Earth should be capitalized, I think. If you were talking about the planet and not the ground, that is. It's all just one big mystery. One big story waiting to be told.”
As I twirled here, in this meadow of plush green grass, under a peaceful sky, dreaming and thinking about unknown things, the world seemed so much bigger and alive than most people think. Opening your mind and letting ideas and daydreams roam freely is quite the adventure in itself. No one knows just how big everything around us is, or just how magical. The light breeze whispering tales of happy times and the far off mountains outlined in the distance, shouting out the truths that were yet to be found.
I really like what you have here! This is very short, but I think it gives us a good taste of the characters and what this story is going to be about. I already told you I was going to review all of this for you, but even if I didn’t, I would still go on to chapter two just because I enjoyed reading this so much ^_^
The feel I had while reading this was like I was in some sort of dream, or even a movie. The flashbacks felt very smooth, and just like they were part of the story. A lot of the time I feel like flashbacks are rushed, like the author is trying to squeeze in some kind of information before they fast forward back to the scene at hand, but that is definitely not the case here. Your pace was brilliant, and everything felt smooth and natural.
The dialogue was my favorite part. I could almost hear these two girls chatting to each other. I feel like Shyla is around thirteen or fourteen years old, and Kailee is perhaps a little older. You don’t tell us any of this out loud, but the dialogue is so vivid that I’m able to formulate your characters in my own head.
So loved how you showed the characters in this first chapter, and I’m really glad that you didn’t go overboard on nonsense description and details, and just let the dialogue carry the story.
What else to say? You obviously know what you’re doing, and I love it! Keep writing, please
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