z

Young Writers Society


Dragonmaster Chapter 17: Secrets



User avatar
102 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2973
Reviews: 102
Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:30 pm
DakotaK says...



The wind rustled through the tree tops, scattering the few loose leaves left on the naked trees through the chilly and damp morning air. Fog moved eerily around us and Timmy’s soft snores were the only human noise that could be heard as the unicorns’ feet clopped out the same tattoo over and over again, a reassuring sound. The road trickled with rain water-since the gutters were filled with mud and leaves-turning it into a slushy mess.
I looked over at Victor who continued to keep the silence. I’d given him my cloak to cover himself with and keep out the frigid air but he showed no sign of being cold in the least. I looked away from him and focused on the back of Timmy’s head.
His glossy black hair reminded me of my own. Red welts covered his legs where the leather ties had rubbed the skin raw but I was too worried of him falling off to release them. His nightclothes were dirty and I realized that we needed to find a seamstress and purchase some clothing. Victor still had money left and my own silver pouch remained pleasantly heavy.
“Zavier ... look,” Victor’s voice was husky from lack of use but I raised my head and saw what had caught his attention. A lone building was alongside the road. It appeared to be deserted, the thatched roof had fallen through in a few places and the door was creaking open and closed with the wind, hanging by a single rusty hinge. All the glass was gone from the black window frames.
I turned to look at Victor; it was just an abandoned house. We had passed many houses in similar condition, more and more frequently as we neared the boarders of the Schlect Kingdom. He pointed again and I glanced at it a second time; my stomach lurching as my gaze fell on the corpse. A skeleton hung from the doorway, his wrists roped to the top of the door frame. Rotting flesh hung in strips from his bones covered by a few scraps of cloth. Maggots swarmed in writhing masses in the few pieces of flesh. As we passed a strip fell from his rib bones to the ground issuing a squelching noise as maggots scattered across the brown dirt.
“What happened?”I gulped, urging Shika past the horrible and disgusting mess.
“I don’t know, Zavier, but it has the feel of magic covering the place. I think the man was already dead before someone hung him there, kind of like a threat to people who passed by. I can’t really tell.” He was looking over his shoulder at the corpse but as for me I was glad I could no longer see it. The image was imprinted on the back of my eyelids and I knew I would not soon forget.
The silence returned and as the sun rose in the sky, Timmy stretched and woke up. His large watery gaze looked around, taking in the surrounding scenery, his mouth open in awe. I reached into the pack that was strapped to my back and pulled out the last hard piece
I pulled out a small hard roll of bread and offered it to Timmy, my stomach far too queasy to manage any food at the moment. He took one glance at it then slowly his hand climbed up my arm and he took the piece of bread and started to suck on it, softening it with his saliva. It pained me to watch him struggle but just by speaking with him the few times that I had I knew he would not appreciate any pity.
“Thanks, Zavier, I really am hungry.”Slowly the bread disappeared and Timmy’s slurps and sucking noises quieted, leaving my aching stomach at peace once again.
We were nearing the town of Azure; a favorite place of travelers from other kingdoms. It was home to many exotic trading centers, including the well known Crossingz Trader Post. The Schlect border narrowed after the town and it would soon become only a lone narrow road between Tarsh and The Daiz Kingdom, filled with bandits and homeless people who were known to attack and rob travelers. After the long winding pass through the mountains the territory broadened out again to the outskirts of Schlect, also known as the Badlands, the only part of Schlect that the kingdom had never had to fight to keep.
“Zavier… so what are we planning to do in Azure?” Victor asked calmly, obviously not unsettled by the corpse.
“I think that we should rest in Azure for a while. Recuperate and buy the necessities and just relax. Maybe we’ll figure out where the two girls are or something... I don’t know,” I muttered sourly, wishing that the pale girl would hurry up and give us the promised sign to their whereabouts. I felt as if we were wandering aimlessly. “Anyhow, your wound needs to heal a while before we can do any hard traveling.” As I spoke I noticed Victor was frowning. He gave Xyle a soft kick, urging him to catch up with Shika and the unicorns walked neck to neck at a fast paced walk.
“I don’t really think I’ll need much time to heal but a short weeks rest doesn’t sound too bad at all. Lets first find some place to board at then we can see if Azure has any bath houses, I’m sure I look just as filthy as you!” I scowled as Victor laughed at me. We were still covered in a thick coating of grim from our encounter with Esmeralda.
“We should get something to eat too, I’m famished,” Timmy quipped hopefully. I nodded and looked down at the boy who appeared to be thinking hard. His brow was furrowed in thought and his eyes closed. Either that or he was in pain.
“Timmy?”He opened his eyelids and looked up at me.
“Zavier-” the previous eagerness filling his voice was gone, “I don’t really think that you should bring me along. You got me away from Esmeralda and now I’ll just be a pain in the neck and slow you two down...” He broke eye contact and slouched down into the saddle.
I patted his back encouragingly. “Nonsense. You’re not slowing us down in the least, Timmy. Right, Victor?” I looked over at him, hoping he would take the hint and agree just for Timmy’s sake.
“Sure, no problem,” Victor muttered distractedly. It would do, even though it lacked any enthusiasm which told me he really couldn’t care less. Even I was mystified by my attachment towards the boy though.
The windy road lacked any carts or carriages and we were left in peace as we neared Azure. The large town could be seen from a distance and I relaxed as the gateways grew ever closer.
People milled about as we entered the prosperous town and a young man leading a red Unicorn even waved at us in a friendly manner. Timmy returned the wave excitedly.
“The Unicorn Lodge. Let’s go see their prices.” Victor stated, his gaze scanning the large building. I followed Victor and as I looked around I noticed that it looked like it was the only evident Inn in the town.
A young boy of about ten took the Unicorns for us and led them around to the back of the building to feed and water them. I hefted Timmy onto my back and he wrapped his small bony arms tightly around my neck as we entered the gate on a brick path leading to the lodge.
It was a large building with three stories above ground, making it stand taller than anything else nearby in the town. It was painted a cream color with a pale brown trim and the woodwork was very elegant looking. A sign swung above the doorway, two unicorns reared and their horns crossed forming an X. Below the Unicorns feet The Unicorn Lodge was painted in fancy lacy letters.
There was a lush yard with a hedge that ran along the cream colored picket fence while two rose bushes grew on either side of the steps leading up to the wrap-around porch. A few people adorned the chair-laden deck but paid us little attention as we opened the silent door and walked into the grand interior of the Lodge.
The wooden floor was pale and ornate paintings covered the walls. They were all of white Unicorns in different scenarios and poses. Victor hurried over to the counter where an unhappy looking female with long grey hair stood, her long fingernails tapping the counter in an agitated fashion.
"Welcome to The Unicorn Lodge, my name is Mag, if I can be of assistance please let me know,” she droned out the well repeated phrase and Victor leaned against the counter, overlooking the prices which were painted on a small board. He let out a low whistle.
"And Mag, are you the only lodge in Azure?”Mag rolled her eyes and sat upright.
"Yes, in fact, we are. Within a moon after buildingThe Unicorn Lodge, all of the three other Inns closed down. You didn’t hear it from me, but I think the overly greedy owner of this lodge did a little threatening here and there,” she muttered. Victor nodded then turned to me as he pointed to the listings.
I looked over the ridiculous prices and sighed. “Mag? Do you perhaps know where any of these old inn owners live?” She smiled, turning in her chair to reach into a cupboard and pull out a small scroll.
“Like I said, you didn’t get it from me.” She smiled again and passed it to me and I motioned for Victor to follow me out of the expensive lodge, away from the greedy owner’s money making sponge.
We found the stables out back and paid the stable boy for tending to the Unicorns, both of which were quite reluctant to leave the fresh indigo hay and water.
I shook the dusty paper out and glanced at the town map, realizing the Crossingz Trader Post was a separate addition to the town on the northeast side. Several houses were marked with a large black X.
“We’ll see if any of these people will let us stay for a few nights as boarders…” I mused quietly. Victor looked bummed as he swung himself back onto Xyle’s back and I followed suit, Timmy’s arms choking me.
“Let off a little, man, I won’t let you fall.”As I chided him, Timmy’s grip lessened a bit. Able to breathe again, I urged Shika to follow the black stallion down the muddy cobblestone street.
“Where to, do-gooder?”Victor asked as Xyle started to trot, his belly full of hay and fresh water.
“Um, let’s try the last one, it’s the furthest away from the main part of town and if anyone’s looking for us it will be harder for them to find us there.” I couldn’t help but think of my father. I passed the paper back to Timmy, who struggled to roll it up into a scroll and tucked it away in my rucksack before returning his small clasping fingers to my neck.
It took us a while to finally reach the large house listed on the map. The street was narrow and darkening as the sun lowered behind the buildings, not far away from setting. It was a cozy looking place, clean and homey which appealed to me greatly.
“Victor, hold the Unicorns, I’ll go see if they’ll have us.” I slid carefully away from Timmy’s grasp.
Victor passed me a gold coin and I tucked it into my pocket before heading up the stone stairs to knock on the sturdy front door. After a short moment a young woman answered the doorway. A frown was etched on her narrow and bony face and she looked over her shoulder.
“Mom! Someone is here to see you!”She slammed the door sharply in my face and I heard Timmy blow a raspberry at the now closed door.
A moment later, an older woman opened the front door. A timid yet wide smile lay on her lips as she looked me over, her brown hair framing her gaunt face.
“What can I do for you boys?”She wiped her hands on an apron and opened the door wider.
“Um, we were wondering if you would possibly allow three weary travelers to stay at your home for a few days. Food and shelter is all we’re really looking for.” I stuttered, fearing the worst after her daughter had so rudely rejected us. She looked up at me, her gaze searching mine, and nodded.
“We do board people when they happen to come by, which isn’t often. We provide meals and there are even stables in the back.” She pointed to Victor and the two Unicorns standing out in the street.
“That sounds fine to me.” I let out a sigh of relief and pulled the gold coin out of my pocket, causing the woman to gasp softly.
“I-I’m sorry, Sir, we can’t provide any change, d-do you have anything...smaller?” she stuttered, aghast. I shook my head.
“Keep it. You deserve more than that after having your business closed down,” I offered kindly. Her lip trembled but she took the coin and called a small boy forward to take the unicorns to the stables.
“Go and put them out with our two, Zack, and make sure they have fresh bedding.” The woman patted the boys sandy colored hair fondly and urged him forward.
“They’ve already eaten, just water them,” I added as he passed me. He nodded at me then skipped down the stairs and took the two unicorns from Victor who wrapped my cloak tightly around himself before gently untying Timmy. He hefted the small boy into his arms and walked up the stairs to stand alongside me on the porch.
The lady ushered us in and led us up a set of winding stairs, past a small room where the girl who had opened the door sat with her nose stuffed in a book. She had dark brown hair like her mother and a dirty grey dress on with a white apron. Victor gave her a little wave and she stuck her tongue out at him then crammed her nose back into the book.
“Please don’t pay any attention to Zoey, she doesn’t like borders very much. The small boy who took the unicorns is Zack and my name is Donña,” Donña spoke softly as she led us down the hall. The stairs were rather long and steep and I found myself having to watch my feet to make sure I didn’t slip.
On the landing there were five doors spread out along the hallway. A brown rug covered the floor and the walls had been painted to resemble the sky in summer time.
I heard Victor groan quietly as he sat Timmy down and I realized his wound must be paining him.
“Nice.” I pointed to the walls and Donña laughed.
“That was Zoey’s doing, she’s an aspiring artist-”
“MOM!” Zoey’s irritable voice shot up the stairs and Donña smiled at her daughter’s irritation.
“Sorry about that. Anyhow, we have no other borders right now so you can each have your own room if you’d like. There is one bed per room and at the end of the hall is a small bathroom. I’m afraid it’s all a bit old fashion, but it works. If you need anything don’t hesitate to let me know.” She turned to leave then stopped in mid step. “Oh, dinner will be ready in an hour.” Then she was gone down the stairs, leaving the three of us alone.
“Why don’t you two go get settled in your own rooms,” I suggested, watching Victor’s face fill with relief. I was worried that his injury was worse than he was letting on. “We passed a clothing shop on the way in and I’ll go back and get you a shirt, Victor, and a set of clothes for you too, Timmy.”
Victor nodded and started to leave but Timmy’s voice stopped him.
“Zavier... I can’t walk...well at least not very well, especially without my crutches...” He sounded embarrassed so I hid my sigh. This might be a problem.
“Alright. Victor, please keep an eye on Timmy while I’m gone, make sure he gets anything he needs-”
“I can take care of him.”
We all turned to see that Zoey had soundlessly climbed the stairs and now stood on the landing looking slightly embarrassed.
“Really? That would be great!” I told her and heard Victor slam a door behind me.
“What’s his problem?” she asked grumpily as she pointed to the door Victor had just slammed and I sighed.
“He’s had it really rough these last few weeks; try not to be too hard on the guy.” I passed her Timmy who looked reluctant to be held by a teenage girl, but she smiled reassuringly at him.
“Sorry about earlier, I didn’t know you were borders, there’s been this weird man hanging around lately and I thought you were with him-”
“Who?” I asked worriedly, my thoughts turning immediately to my father. Zoey shrugged.
“No idea, he just gives me the creeps is all,” she muttered, shivering slightly. She gave me a timid smile before turning and carrying Timmy into a room and I headed back down the stairs.
Shika was unhappy to be disturbed yet again and even tried to buck me off at first as I mounted the saddle. I swatted her with the reins and she settled down at once. She pinned her ears back as soon as she realized the black stallion would not be accompanying us.
As I headed into town, the first place I stopped was a small medicine shop. It was owned by a shriveled old witch who was quite helpful and, after hearing a slightly different version of Victor’s fate than the truth, he finally prescribed a large bottle of potion. It would keep the infection away and help speed the healing process. I thanked him and passed over the silver owed, before returning to Shika who let out an annoyed nicker.
I rode around the dimly lit streets for a long while before I finally found the seamstresses. She was just closing but decided she could use some more silver, so allowed me in.
“I need a tunic that would fit someone a little bit larger than myself and also a pair of pants and tunic that would fit a small boy about five years old.” The seamstress seemed ancient, her eyes milky and her pale wrinkled skin looked impossibly fragile. She nodded and motioned for me to stay put. I suddenly realized that I had seen her someplace before, though I couldn’t place a finger on it
The smell of leather was comforting as I wandered the tiny shop aimlessly. Paintings adorned the far wall and my eyes shifted across them. Most of the paintings were of dragons and I stared at them entranced, wondering if I would ever see Sienna again. I sighed, making my way up to the front counter, wondering what was taking so long.
I froze as I saw the withered portrait lying carelessly on the wooden counter. It was my mother. I snatched it up and stared, trying to convince myself it was someone else.
“All right, here we are,” the old woman hobbled back into the room and scowled as she saw my look of astonishment.
“How do you have this!” I demanded, confusing causing me to be brash.
“You shouldn’t have seen that,” she snapped, hurrying forwards at an alarming pace and snatching the portrait away from me.
“Explain yourself,” I hissed bitterly as the woman placed a bundle of soft leather in my arms. Her eyes were sad as she stared at me.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Zavier,” she murmured softly. “But know this, you have many friends and allies that remain unknown to you for a reason. You are not alone in this journey.”
I stared, speechless. How did she know my name, my mother, anything about my life? She smiled softly.
“I have something else for you.” She nodded before heading to the back room only to return a few moments later carrying a pair of small boots and a tiny set of crutches.
“These used to belong to someone I knew but he outgrew them,” she murmured, passing them to me. I stared in wonder. Just who was this person?
“How-”
“Shh,” she quieted me, “it’s useless asking as I can’t give you any answers, I’m sorry, Zavier. I wish things had been different and then there wouldn’t be all these secrets.” I wanted to fight this ban, I wanted to demand answers, I had so many questions! But as I stared into her eyes I saw the pain there and somehow I understood it would be useless.
“Thank you,” I forced the words before turning and leaving the ancient woman. I quickly mounted Shika and as we raced away through the dark streets, my mind so overwhelmed that it seemed only moments later that we had made it back to Xyle and the blue house.
“Good girl.”I patted her nose then untacked her and turned her out in her small fenced pen.
The back door was unlocked so I opened it and quietly slipped in only to come face to face with Zoey.
“So, Mister, what took you so long?”she demanded. I slipped by her, uncomfortable by how close she was to me, and passed into the hallway.
“It took longer than I thought it would,” I muttered distractedly. “I’m sorry, ok?”I apologized, not really knowing why I owed her any explanation. She rolled her eyes and shoved past me into the well-lit kitchen.
“Here,” she sighed, “let me get you something to eat, we can’t have you going to bed on an empty stomach now can we?” She scurried about the kitchen before placing a bowl of cold beef stew on the table along with a slab of butter on sourbread and a mug of warm, steaming raisin rum, a pasty sweet non-alcoholic drink.
“Wow, thanks!” I hadn’t realized how hungry I was and just the sight of food improved my mood dramatically. I sat down at the table and laid my newly bought items on the clean wooden floor. To my irritation, Zoey sat down at the table across from me, sipping on a mug of her own and staring at me.
“Do you have to do that?” I asked around a mouthful of food. I glared at her and she opened her eyes wide in mock innocence.
“Me? What am I doing?”She smiled and that started it: the beginning of a long conversation that carried on and on. It was obvious that she didn’t have a lot of people in her life to talk with so mostly I let her vent. As I finished my dinner I even found myself liking the friendly company. I wasn’t used to talking to girls but as time wore on and I relaxed, returning the conversation. Slowly, the night crept on and on.



qqq


He is finally here! I have seen Him myself and She can tell He is here too. Now it is only a matter of time until fate brings them all together and our journey can at last begin.




qqq
Last edited by DakotaK on Thu Aug 11, 2011 6:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

novel.php?id=1142
  





Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 2647
Reviews: 313
Sun Jun 26, 2011 2:47 pm
TylynRae says...



Hello there =] I found this in the list that didn't have reviews yet, so I decided that I"m going to start through the list and get as many of them as possible. But anyway, I realize this is probably pretty far into your novel, so I'm not going to say to go into description on the characters. You had really good imagery on the part talking about the body hanging from the doorway. It sort of made me want to gag, haha =]. The one thing I Would say is that you're setting and your dialogue tend to be a bit off. You have it made out so that its back in older times and your dialogue seems to be a lot more modern. I'd change some words, maybe give us a hint as to what accent they have where they're from? Take all of my comments as a grain of salt, its really nicely done =]
TylynTyrannosaurus<3 (tydecker777)
  





User avatar
53 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2394
Reviews: 53
Wed Jul 13, 2011 11:27 pm
Ranger51 says...



AOk. Victor, please keep an eye on Timmy while I=m gone, make sure he gets anything he needs.” <---

Look, correctly copied punctuation!!
"We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?"
-Fahrenheit 451
  





User avatar
1125 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 53415
Reviews: 1125
Sun Jul 31, 2011 3:56 pm
StellaThomas says...



Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

human noise that could be heard as the unicorns feet


unicorns'.

I’ll need much time to heal but a short weeks rest doesn’t sound too bad at all.


week's. Also, it's copied right here...
sure they’ll oblige when you offer them a whole gold piece for a week’s stay and three meals a day...


I'm puzzled- five times seven is... thirty five? So why would he pay one gold? Is that for the meals as well?

II. YOUR WORLD

Honestly, I'm puzzled about the world your characters are living in. They're staying in inns, paying with gold coins, going to healers and wearing tunics... yet the tiny village they're staying in has a 2631 Forest Avenue. Sometimes things just seem too modern. If you want to mix the old and the modern, that's fine, but it's not entirely... homogenous, I suppose. I think that you need to have a much more definite idea of your world- maybe you do, but then you need to show it to us. As it is, the whole thing is sort of a mystery to me- there's carpet on the floor and menus but they're riding unicorns. I feel like the lines are being blurred a little too much between the old and new. Decide just what exists in your world and what hasn't arrived yet, and stick to those resolutions.

III. OVERALL

After all the action of the last chapter I felt this one was just a little, well, pointless. Maybe it's the calm before the storm, but then we need some indication that the storm is coming. Other than telling us that they're settled for the week and their food stores have been replenished- and that Zoey is seeing a strange man about, what other purpose does this serve? Remember that if a scene doesn't affect the plot or the characters, then maybe you need to rethink having it.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010
  





User avatar
2631 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 6235
Reviews: 2631
Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:20 pm
Rydia says...



Line By Line

1. Please tell me Timmy is not going to be Zavier's lost brother or something. Please?

2. Why does Mag help them? It seems a bit pointless to have them enter this lodge, just to be given the address of somewhere else by Mag and then move on again. It also seems random for Mag to help them without any need for persuasion.

3. They are far too free with their money. I know they have rather a lot now, but Zavier is used to not having much and when people who are used to not having much come into coin, they tend to be very cautious about spending it. I've learned this from my parents. They're both from heavily working class background and despite having money now, they still alk around for an hour to hunt for the best priced pub, they rarely tip and they never turn their noses up at a bargain. What I'm saying is he can give silvers or copperss away, but he should never be that frivolous with a gold coin. It was bad enough when he bought the unicorn for the girl, without even trying to bargain the price down.

4. I'd have liked to see Victor slam the door before Zoey offered up her assistance. There would hae been a nice moment of tension there and a dilemna, before the solution was provided.

5. Why would his father happen to be going in the same direction as them and wandering around alone? What is he up to anyway? Surely he should be with the family or drinking away his money. For a man who was rarely away from home in the beginning, he sure is doing a lot of travelling around and supposedly out of not wanting to have to do the work Zavier used to do? I'm sure lazy people don't go to this much trouble to get their sons back.

6. There needs to be a clearer order when he talks to the seemstress as generally places like that expect to have days or even a week or two to make the clothes they're being asked for. Zavier should make it clear that he's just wanting her to take in or let out some second hand clothes or ask if she has any uncollected orders she'd be willing to sell.

Overall

A pretty slow chapter, but I rather liked that, though I felt you could have used it to your advantage more. It would have been nice to hve Zavier thinking through everything that's hppening, to see you maybe closing up a few plots, giving us some gentle character conflict between Zavier and Victor. Chapters like these are your chance to show us where the character relationships currently stand and to play with every day conflicts to give your reader a break from the big ones.

I'd have rather Zavier went up to talk to Timmy or Victor, instead of stying downstairs with Zoey.

Heather xxx
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.
  








"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
— Albus Dumbledore