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TITLE COMING SOON - Chapter 2 Part 1



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Points: 989
Reviews: 10
Fri Nov 11, 2011 12:32 pm
inthebeginning says...



Once again, please read the spoiler before reading the rest. Thanks in advance for your reviews (:


Spoiler! :
Hello there potential readers and reviewers! This is the first part of the second chapter of my novel. I am going to warn you in advance by saying that I have not proof-read this that much, so there will be spelling and grammar mistakes, so I ask for your help in correcting them.

Also, as of right now I feel as though I am straying too close to vampire cliche but I don't want to stray so far away that they seem too unrealistic? If you even understand what I mean. So please bare with me as I work on coming up with a middle ground that compensates for both of the above. And if you have any suggestions for my vampires then please pm me! Thanks for your reviews (:


“You have ten seconds to explain to me what you are; otherwise I’ll tear your heart out. Just because I can’t drink your blood doesn’t mean I can’t kill you.” I tightened my grip on her neck, pressing her further into the locker.

She tried to laugh, but I had effectively cut off her air supply.

“8….7,” I began counting backwards to emphasise my point, and something in my expression must have made her realise that I wasn’t joking. I loosened my grip on her neck just enough to allow her to talk.

“For every strength there must be a weakness. For you, we are that weakness.”

“We? There’s more than just one of you?” I tried to keep the frustration from my voice. I was getting sick and tired of her games and my lack of blood was making me even more irritable.

“Of course. There are more than one of you, so doesn’t it seem only fair that there are more of us?” I thought about her words, considering what this meant for the vampire world. Why had I never heard of these things before?

She must have read something in my expression because her smirk grew and she said “Scared, Ella? Our species is not known to your kind, as yours die before they can tell our story.”

As she said it I heard footsteps close behind me, and I realised that I had been led into a trap. I released my grip on her neck and turned to face what I assumed was going to be my killer.

He had inhuman speed, so fast that he almost rivalled me. He had obviously been expecting this reaction on my part and pulled out a gun. I almost laughed, he obviously didn’t realise my full power.

I had closed the gap between us in the space of a second, analysing everything around me. My closest exit was to my left, and I knew that if I could get out there then I would be able to outrun him. I had to assume that this girl had the same speed he did, and both would now be a threat.

I went for his throat, aiming to throw him off balance and give myself an opportunity to run. My arm was outstretched when I felt a piercing pain in my stomach, just underneath my ribs.

My body went into shock and I glanced down at what had caused the pain. There was a small bullet lodged in my stomach. Ordinarily the hole would have closed up by now, my body disposing of the bullet along the way.

But ordinarily, I also wouldn’t have felt the bullet. I had been shot more times than I would like to admit over the last 570 years, and I had almost grown accustomed to the pain. It was obvious that this was no ordinary bullet.

I clenched my teeth and pushed my fingers through the tear in my skin, hoping to pull the bullet out. As my fingers touched the smooth surface I felt the same reaction in my fingers. There was some sort of coating on the bullet that was a powerful weapon against me. The pain seemed to multiply as I slumped to the ground, terrified of what would become of me.

“You’re strong,” the newcomer’s voice was rough and held a hint of disgust as they closed the rest of the distance between us. “Normally it only takes one of them for your kind to faint.”

I looked up into the bright green eyes of a guy who must have been about 19 years old. He was crouching by my side, a sadistic smile lighting up his face. His eyes reminded me of my own, but these were filled with so much emotion that I knew this boy could only be a human.

I snarled at him, furious that this boy had reduced me to such a low. “You’re making a huge mistake. My brother knows I’m in trouble, he will be here within a minute.” The smile on the bastard’s face only seemed to widen at this thought.

“Well, by all means, he is more than welcome to join us.” He stood up straight again, apparently ending our conversation. I felt another bullet go through my left leg, the pain even worse this time. Instead of trying to fight it though, I gave in to it. Letting the darkness consume me, craving the relief it could provide.

***

My mind slowly started to clear as I regained consciousness. I almost regretted this immediately. My throat was on fire and the pain of it jarred me wide awake. I tried to scream, hoping that someone would help me. Nothing came out though.
It was then that I noticed I was strapped to a chair. The cuffs holding me down were reinforced and there was no way I was going to be able to break through them.

My mind began flashing back to how I had gotten here. I saw the high school, and the blonde cheerleader. Then my thoughts were consumed with those bright green eyes and sadistic smile.

I heard someone cough to my right and my eyes shot wide open. I glanced around and found Matt hanging from the roof tied by his hands. He apparently had fared worse than me so far in the ordeal.

There were open cuts all over his bare body, and I could see at least two wooden stakes protruding from his sides. “Matt,” I managed to groan, my throat still burning.

I saw his eyes slowly flicker open and recognition cross his face as his eyes passed over me.

“What happened to you?” My voice was hoarse and I began coughing uncontrollably, overcome by the amount of effort needed even to talk.

“Rather interesting story actually.” The boy with the green eyes emerged from the shadows, that smile still stuck on his face. “I was just asking your brother a few questions. It’s become obvious however, that he doesn’t want to co-operate.”

He let the last sentence linger as he walked over to a table behind Matt. He picked up another stake and circled back round to face me. “It’s a shame really. The connection between you two is somewhat intriguing. I’ve never met vampires who were bonded before.” He stopped in front of Matt, holding the stake by his side.

“What do you want?” My hatred seemed to overcome any pain I felt, and I fought even harder against the restraints. His hand moved in a blur as he drove the stake forwards and up, straight into Matt’s heart.

Matt’s eyes, which had closed again after looking at me, went wide with pain. His mouth formed an ‘O’ shape as he gasped in pain, realisation dawning on his face.

“No!” I screamed, my face mirroring Matt’s. It was too late though. His body shuddered and convulsed as what little blood was left slowly drained from his face. After a few seconds his body became completely still.

I felt a tear slowly make its way down my cheek. I was so furious, so out of control that my fangs extended and I tried with all my strength to break free. I made a promise to myself that no matter what happened I would tear this boy’s heart out. I at least owed Matt that much.

My despair only seemed to fuel his fascination. “So tell me, Ella. What brought you to sunny California? I thought you vampires hated the sun.” His voice was calm and soothing as he moved closer to me.

“Who are you?” I spat back, refusing to tell him anything before I got any answers.

He smiled at my reply and waited a few seconds, obviously trying to decide whether to reveal this much to me. “My name’s Rowan and I’m, for all intents and purposes, a vampire hunter.”
  





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Gender: Female
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Reviews: 27
Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:49 pm
Starhunter says...



Hi!
In my opinion this isn't cliche at all, and I think you are taking an original spin on the vampire thing. It's very original, I think, to see the whole vampire vs. vampire-hunter thing from the vampire POV (I mean, who wouldn't want to be on the side of someone named VanHelsing?) . But your vampires are different in that you seem to blend the common types of vampires: the traditional (characteristics, stake through the heart, yadda) and the more modern (vampires as victims, i.e. they didn't choose to be vampires). I think it's an interesting spin, and would like to see where you take it. Especially the "bonded" thing, that seems really interesting to me. :)
I'm not sure what you mean by "unrealistic" ... after all, it is vampires we're talking about. I didn't really notice any spelling errors.
And.. that's about it!
Keep up the good work!
Why do we fall?
So we can learn to pick ourselves up.


If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it!
Wanna change the world?
There's nothing to it.
  








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