Young Writers Society

Introduction

My name is Allan Devant. I like reading, playing football, playing guitar and singing. But i love reading the most. Especially stories books. Not the romantic one or other genre of books that seems foolish to me. I dislike when it comes to animal that can talk and act like human. I don't have any brother or sister. i just have one younger sister who like to disturb my work and always annoy me. Her name is Calmine and she was one year younger than me. My Mom and Dad worked as a doctor. They always busy and sometimes they forgot to take us from school. I need to sticked a memo card everyday in their car when we are going to school. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it doesn't. So Calmine always bring some coins to call them when we realized about it.
I like my life,my home and my school.I loved my bedroom,my library and my parents.As a conclusion,my life is pretty awesome,perfectly amazing!
But things seem to be strange when i became a member at the famous and the most historical library in my small town.It's all become stranger,creepy and horrible.It's started on the last summer...

i thought it was good. sounds interesting. some grammar problem's i noticed if you proof read it, it might help. If your gonna go for a cliffhanger or whatever, if your not, well you might can use this for advice later on but if you were, let's say make a cliffhanger for the end of this chapter. well, honestly if this was a cliffhanger it's not good at all. if it's just an ending, well it's an OKAY ending, it's not one that many people would have chosen. but, another part of the truth (the good part) i can't find many things to review because i'm very picky about what i read and i believe this might turn out pretty good.

Your work is unfocused, there is terrible grammar, bland words, and it was hard to follow. Most of it didn't make any sense. You need more practice, trust me. It's harder being the author and all, but you need to review the work as a reader--a neutral setting I suppose. It was difficult to follow, because of the terrible grammar. Also, it ended up uninteresting . . . which is a shame, because it seemed like quite a facinating idea. Insert some great adjectives--use dictionary.reference.com/ is you can't think of anything yourself. You also don't want to use the same words over and over again. Change up the dialogue. It was a bit rigid--imagine how real people would talk. Try to focus your ideas a little more when writing. Remember that the audience is just being introduced to the story--they don't know the grand designs, so some more explaining, would clear up to confusing air. You switched subjects randomly--or maybe that's just me. Keep on writing!
Dragon Rider