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Supreme Team: Rise of Pyro Flame



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Mon Nov 28, 2011 1:06 pm
stevensmith05 says...



Joes Monologue Part 1
This was crazy, what on earth had happened. I was just sitting with the boys; everything changed. I don’t know where I am. Where are my friends? Are they okay? My vision was blurred and I had a fucking stomping headache. I could see flashing lights; was it the police, ambulance. I really fancied a cheese and ham toasty. I was absolutely starving. I tried to get up but my legs were killing divna what off like. I had not had a football match or anything. I though some dick must of spiked my drink with drugs. Bastards!

I heard someone go “Oi lady you alright mate” in like a weird cross between the American and Australian accent. It was canny weird. My Nike joggers were ripped; they were new as well for fuck sake. I managed to mumble some sort of response saying I was not very good at all. He had a strong grip and he managed to pull me to my feet but like I was still in a lot of pain. He seemed all right like so when he went do you want to come back to the hotel; ring your parents I replied way aye man. He did not get what was saying. I think he was as confused as I am right now. It’s all a blur from sitting round the campfire singing some of our wicked tunes.

In England but I must have been. Then a yellow taxi went by, like the ones you see in America, Yana there in all the films. He then told me he knew a nice stripper who would look after me called Amazing Amaz. Sound dirty doesn’t it but nah I think he only meant to stay with. I could not think of many stripper places in Newcastle. This seamt way to strange did I have amnesia crossed my mind but was wearing the enact threads I remember from that night. It was my nifty red adidas tracksuit with my red and white converse.

Then it came back to me the flashing light that cold reservoir. I had always been a pretty crap swimmer like. Wait. I remember screams. Where was I though? I needed to find out if they were all right? This guy seemed canny camp but at least he was willing to help me. Then I saw it and my mind was blown what had happened.


Chapter 5 Loyalty Tinder’s

The guards were dying one by one, dropping like a ton of bricks. They were all becoming more confident in their powers; the deaths as a result were becoming more gruesome and disturbing. Scott actually used his steal fist to compress and crush the skull of one of the defenceless guards well defenceless compared to these guy’s. Guns could not help them. He was now unrecognisable. He was no longer had the friend I once held so close. It was horrid. He was horrid. This was all becoming like a nightmare, Cory punched one so hard his rib cage cracked into one million pieces penetrating into his stomach and the devastating look upon his face has scarred my dreams till the present day. How did we go from a couple of innocent teenagers to violent super villains? I had no idea. The heat was beginning to flow; I knew I was about to boil overboard. I could just feel it.

In this raw violent place Dan had created a sparkling ice ball and as he pulled back his arm preparing to strike. In that moment life began to slow down like I had control of my destiny like this event was set in time to occur. I raised my arm and it just happened. A beautiful glowing ball of fire appeared in the palm of my hand; the burning embers shone brightly. It was time to show the guys what my power can do I was not going to be the villain of the story. I would not let my power change the person I was or going to become, it was time for the death and suffering to halt in its tracks. I would not use my power for the evil my friends had. I would be a hero. So as Dan went to release his ball of blustering ice my ball of fire intercepted it and deceased the ball into a harmless puddle of water splattering onto the ground. The violence paused. Their eyes were set on me like a hawk staring down on its prey. It was if they had turned to statues. A gloomy silence filled the air. The few remaining guards scrambled along with the man in the white suit like cowards leaving me to face them alone. I wondered who he was however that will however be answered later. All four were in a line and we stood parallel. I was very much on my own. Isolated from the group I once loved. A solitary figure.

Scott broke the stare in angry even vicious tone; he was frustrated I did not see things on the same level as him “Jamie what the fuck are you doing; we have these powers. We can rule the world. Do what ever we please. Be gods among men.” I thought nobody deserved to rule over. Especially not with the degree of violence being used. He panted and as he did so turned back into his human self however only his boxers remained. The rest of his clothes had tore due too the rapid expansion during his excruciating transformation. So I could not take him seriously.
David then said quite amusingly “getting a bit chilly their Hendaz (Scott), you little couch potato?” everybody laughed it was like we will all friends again. Like the thing I just witnessed never happened. However it did and there was no time for jokes. It was a time for action. I could not let my emotions overcome me.

Cory then got back to the topic at hand “come on Jamie it’s just a laugh now we can do anything we want, have some proper fun and pull some proper fit clunge so it’s all cush man” as he tensed his knew found muscles. I think he was rather impressed with them. I must admit there impressive like a god straight out of Greek mythology. All that time at the gym must seem a waste now. I did not reply, I thought my opinions on the matter would have been wasted on them. There would be no swaying their judgement. They were setting themselves up for a life of sins against almighty God. I am a believer and I still do often attend church it is like my salvation. I still had no idea where Lewis was at this point. . Where on earth could he of go? Dan then announced in a completely aggressive sort of voice “lets just leave him has obviously not one of the LFM anymore. He is weak. He is a coward.” I never thought power could change people so much. It scared me. LFM is the name of our group by the way, we were not a gang it was just a joke really, we were just ordinary lads. Still upsets me how quickly everyone changed.

They turned their backs on me and disappeared into the dense forest; I only had one thing on my mind and that was to get home although I was terrified by the event’s what had unfolded before me. I also felt I needed to warn people about my ex-friends but who do you tell that there mad super villains with powers? Seems unbelievable if you ask me. However I thought, whom do I tell? What do I tell them? It was about time I tried to get home. I felt so alone. I however decided to keep my power a secret unlike the other who I rightly predicted to just use it for fun. I was panicking at this point I could not think straight. What did my future have in store for me I had no idea of the responsibility to soon be put upon my shoulders? I would need to learn how to control my power in order to become a true hero; but first how would I get home. Because I really fancied a jammy dodger to cheer me up and I just wanted my bed.


Chapter 6 Feverish Journey

I was marching through the forest for about a day. I was trying to avoid the Paparazzi. I wanted to be a journalist; well I still did I never intended on being a hero I wanted to keep my powers a secret and live a full and honest life. The sound of birds sung; life for a second seemed peaceful and normal once again. However images of the brutal violence I witnessed my own friend distribute. The faces of the guards were haunting my mind. The smell of their crushed brains had sickened me; I felt ill. I kept thinking they couldn’t be my friends; my friends are not like that, are they? How could I ever trust anyone again? I trembled for a second; it hit me that I could try but my life would never be normal again. I am a creep’ a remember a tear streaming down my face I wanted to be home,

Time passed and it seemed I had been walking forever. Through this dense forest; I had no idea where I was going. I wondered what the other four were doing; if they ha unleashed there powers among the innocent once again. I still could not believe what they had done. It still sent like fantasy, could my friends really of done that? The sky became devilishly grey, I felt the god’s spitting. I either needed to find shelter of civilization soon or I was going to get drowned in the rain. Wished I had super speed right now

I then reached a road; not a busy one. It’s arguably more of a farmers track then road in all honesty. This part in my journey particularly dragged. I alas had a nice wee bit of luck. Out of the distance came some headlights. Maybe my day was turning around. The n I heard the song and my smile got turned well and truly upside down. It was the lads. They had picked u pan old shabby transit van; was crap to be honest. I would however at that point of took a reliant Robin. Which shows that I was desperate? I heard David scream “wayyyyyyyy you little Chicken” in a very excitable tone. I think they took great pleasure out of my misfortune. I felt so alone; I did not think I would ever get home. In all honesty I wanted to kill myself. Did not help when I heard Scott shout way you ugly little creten” in an angry tone eventhough he was obviously the ugly one, such an idiot. Ha did done the right thing, should of backed them up used my power to kill them guards? I was not sure.

It was half an hour or so of walking before I came across another sign that I was completely alone in the cruel world I found myself. Headlights flickered again but I continued walking; I had no confidence of getting a lift or any aid what so ever. It was a Bentley, Polished Black with dimmed windows. I remember thinking very classy. The window scraped down and there it was the grin, which boiled my blood. It was the man in the white suit.” Punk I think you should get in the car, it will take you days on foot you idiot.” I did respond I just did as he told me. The seats were comfy bit uncomfy on my back, which was still aching from the morning. H clicked a switch it opened a cabinet two glasses and a bottle of whiskey appeared, Snazzy. I felt uncomfortable. This guy was a real dick. I came out with it; it was what I wanted at the time anyway “please take me home, I just want to go home, I can’t take all of this” I cried I was indeed an emotional wreck.

This raw emotion was causing me to heat up. I felt the sickly wet sweat running down my back. I asked politely however with a desperate slant on it “let me out the car”. I tried to do it for his own good. My human side was battling my super side and you can guess which side was winning. He gives me that sickly grin suggesting that I must be joking. This guy was dim like. He replied in his normal cocky fashion “ are you joking son”. I looked at him like he was mad, maybe cause he was. Actually no he was just stupid. I knew what I had to do, to get out of there. It was time to do

I felt angry and this was proving a catalyst I could not take it. My arms were turning devilish red, and then it happened. I not literally exploded; I actually did with a thrust of fire. I sent the it fired the door of the car straight off its hinges. And into the air when we traveling extremely fats. It chopped off the head of a poor defenseless Scarecrow. I had rid of the door it was just what I did next I had to work out. I ripped off my seatbelt with the little energy I had and leaped out of the door when we were going at a tremendous speed. What was I doing I did not have steal skin like Scott?

So I had ejected myself from the car, forgetting to thin about how on earth I would land safely. I thought this might be the end for me. There seemed no way I could survive this. Not at all. The air was smashing me in the face like a flipping frying pan, I was going that fast. I felt myself dropping like a bomb towards the ground. This was going to hurt. Then all of a sudden…
  





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Mon Nov 28, 2011 2:58 pm
Leahweird says...



“Oi lady you alright mate”
Are you missing an extra D here?

"In England but I must have been"
This doesn't make sense. Are you missing words?

This seamt way to strange did I have amnesia crossed my mind but was wearing the enact threads I remember from that night."

Typos/misspellings (not sure which): seemed, too, exact
Pretty much this whole sentence got confusing
You might considere something like this instead: This seemed way too strange. I wondered if I had amnesia, but I was wearing the exact same threads I remembered from that night.

I don't have time to do an in-depth nitpick for the rest, but you need to work on making each line its own entity. YOu are having a huge problem with run one sentences that make the chater hard to read.

I really liked Joe's section. You did a really good job at narrating from the pov of another person, which is hard to pull off. Otherwise, the only suggestion I have is to make it extra clear that you are in fact switching back to Jamie.
  








An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming.
— Unknown