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Moonlight Serenade Chapter 3



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Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:25 pm
Adriana says...



Chapter 3 – Guinevere
Spoiler! :
Guys, please, this is my first novel and I confess I'm totally afraid of not being able to do this... Would you help me?? English is not my first language. I learnt it by myself and I would thank you with all my heart if you help me to improve it. I'm sure there are some misspells and stuff... Tell me if you find something okay??


Edward got out of bed, went to the window, and Guinevere knew he was going to ask.
“My lady”, he begun.
“Please, Edward”, she interrupted, “You have to trust me on that. I will go with George and in a few months I will be back. It is simple.”
It took Guinevere all her feelings to lie to her husband like that. She remembered how she felt her body froze as the king spoke those words. She had been waiting for it, of course, but she never expected he would do that in front of her husband. It was an old agreement they would never speak when Edward was around.
What on Earth is he doing?, she thought.
Despite the fear and surprise that assaulted her, she simply bowed and kissed George’s hand, completely aware of Edward’s emotions.
“It is a pleasure, your majesty”, she said, “Please, let me take you to the guest room. We can talk there.”
The king kept looking at her and Guinevere could see there was something in his eyes. He was uncomfortable with something, maybe sad, preoccupied. She had trouble feeling his emotions, for they were nothing but strangers to one another now, but in a past that seemed to be far away, she could feel them like they were hers.
With a nod, George offered his arm to her. Feeling Edward’s eyes on her, Guinevere leaded to way inside, saying no word to the king.
The guest room was probably the most comfortable room in the whole castle, beside the bedrooms, of course. It was large, fresh, and a scent of flowers came inside for the big windows, overlooking the garden, were always open. As soon as they were inside, Guinevere, abandoning all formalities, looked at the king with the same severe expression she had used on Ben a few minutes before.
“What do you think you are doing, George?” she asked.
George kept staring at her, and Guinevere could see he was even more uncomfortable now.
Good, she thought.
“We need to talk, Guin”, he said, weakly.
“That’s why we are here now” she answered, feeling her patience expiring as the seconds passed.
“Guin, here is the thing. A few years ago, after you got married with my friend, we had a deal, remember?”
How could she forget? That deal assaulted her at nights, made her shiver and fear the day George would bring the matter back. She felt her legs trembling and her heart beating faster. It was hard to breathe. She couldn’t pronounce a word, neither look at George, so she kept staring at the rug, the tears coming to her face. “I need you, Guin”, continued the king, seeing that Guinevere wouldn’t say nothing, “You must do that as soon as possible.”
Nothing made a sound, or at least Guinevere couldn’t hear a thing. Minutes seemed to pass, hours, maybe, and she felt cold, despite the warm tears that were running down her face. More than once she tried to speak but no words, no noise, would come out.
George approached her and as soon as she realized he would touch her, she got up all of a sudden and ran to other side of the room. Staring at the wall for a moment, and finally capable to speak, she turned her head and saw the king looking at her. He never looked so pathetic.
“What changed?” Guinevere asked, drying her tears.
“You remember Lya, right?” said George, weakly.
Guinevere answered the question with a nod, already knowing what would follow.
“She is dead”, said the king.
Yes, that absolutely changed things. Lya was gone. She was already waiting for this, too, but now that George had said it, the reality seemed hard to accept. She wished Edward was there with her, but that was a thing Edward could never know.
Edward, she thought.
And then, giving up to be strong, she fell on her knees, taking the king’s hand, looking at his eyes, she did the one thing she had never done before. She begged.
“Please, George” she cried “I love my husband. It would kill him, you know that. I can’t do this now. Please. Don’t make me do it”
George seemed surprised, and Guinevere even believed he would let it go.
“You know I can’t do that, Guin” he said after a few seconds “My life and my throne depend on it. And as much as I… respect you, I want it done, no matter what it costs you.” He turned his back to her and got out of the room, leaving her on the ground like she was nothing.
Now, after all the formalities, there she was with the husband she had to betray.
Guinevere got out of bed and went to Edward. She kissed his lips softly at first, and wildly next. She could see he was not expecting that, and it only excited her. Knowing that it would bring him to her game, she put her hands between his legs. “Leave it alone, my lord”, she said.
Edward lifted her up, took her to the bed and they made love all night.
Guinevere could still feel her body aching and his seed inside her when he spoke.
“Why can’t you tell me?”
She looked at the man she would love forever and wanted to say how sorry she was.
“Because you would hate me if I did”, was all she could answer.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.


"This is calm, and it's doctor!" (My DR. Reid -- Best line ever)
  





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Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:02 pm
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Deanie says...



Adriana!

I love this chapter... It's made me all so suspicious as to what the deal was. I wonder how it will affect Edward and Guinevere's relationship. Ooh I am so excited for the next chapter. I cannot see any grammar or spelling mistakes and I love your style of writing!

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
  





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Tue Dec 13, 2011 10:55 am
NightWriter says...



Adriana,

What I really found special in your writer's voice, is the way you can constantly keep a balance with the dialogue and descriptive writing. The last sentence is always my favourite in a novel, and I'm one of those people who sincerely believe that they should be a nice dramatic selection of words.
"Because you would hate me if I did" was an enjoyable choice. I don't quite know if it was completely neccessary to add the "was all she could answer" but I guess that's completely up to you and how you want to convey your characters.
Speaking of characters, they're not very well described, but I haven't read your previous chapters, so that would probably change something.

Another thing is that at the beginning, I found it exceedingly hard to keep up with who was saying what and what the scene was exactly.

In my opinion, a little bit of a background story or at least explanation is required. Questions you need to ask yourself when reading over it, is can I tell where they are from my work?, can I tell who is in the room before they begin speaking? and What is the atmosphere? is it heavy, blank, soft? the atmosphere can constantly change, taking the feeling of the entire chapter with it.

Don't let that get you down though. I really loved it and it certainly has a lot of potential!

Best of luck,

NightWriter x
raised by wolves // brought up on words.
  








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