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Young Writers Society


The Olympians ~Part 1~



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Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:58 pm
PixieStix says...



Maybe the new school year wasn’t as exciting as I thought. My class is not right, and my powers I can only use in my apartment, or mount Olympus.

“Natalie Triton?” Mrs. Harrison asked my name as I Raised My hand, everyone stared at me. If only being the daughter of a goddess was worth it. Blah, blah, blah, you’re the daughter of Athena, show me you’re powers! NO. My mom is always in Mount Olympus working on her powered skills for the next war coming up in the Underworld. We, Olympians have to fight wars, whether we want to or not, that’s the plan! The 8th grade is not hard for me. The snickering Teachers in the lunch line seize my eyes as I had to stop it, Rule #45 in the Olympian Rule book- Use your powers only for good not for evil. So that’s what I did, the sparkling colors flew across the lunch room as the teachers that were talking smelt the envious dust and ended up loving each other.

I quenched the juice box like a hammer and banged it against the lunch table. Stevie reached for my Lunch tray very carefully as my strength grabbed her arm; she looked at me scares and full with guilt. “Um… can you let go of my arm?” she said very sweetly. I let go, and she walked away, like a ghost, like nothing happened. But I can read her thoughts. And for some reason, she can read mine; she turned back to me and ran to me as I leaned back in my chair.
“What do you know?” Stevie asked me

“What do I know?” I said back as my eyes quenched and her fist formed.
“Natalie! Tell me, tell me now. I need to know what you know. So that you don’t tell anything, to anyone.” She whispered in silence, as they cleared my table, and I said-

“Sorry, I got to go, 4th period, you know, school, and class, I’m going to be late. Bye” I said, as she grabbed my arm and firmly said-
“If you know anything about this, you better keep your mouth shut!” and lets go like she was one of me.
I walked through the messed up hallway, as I knew that my first day of 4th period would be the hardest. Mr. Carbone was the science teacher for my 4th period and he was the strictest out of all my teachers. He had Gray and Brown hair and looked as old as a green apple sitting out in the sun for more than 78 years. The bell rang and I ran to class, so, I turned out late.

“Natalie Triton!” he yelled across the room as I stood halfway opening the door, while everyone stared at me with big smiles on their face, waiting to laugh.

“Um..Mr. Carbone, I’m so sorry, I just got caught up in the moment, you know, when walking to class?” I said back to him, while one girl caught my eye and opened her mouth getting ready to speak.
“This isn’t a walk in the park Natalie, How could you get caught up in the moment, anyway. It’s school, you should be focusing on schoolwork and classes!” she said, for I knew she was just saying that to make Mr. Carbone, pleased with her, so I bounced back, in a firm tough voice.

“Well, Sofia, I saw you leaning against you’re locker the other day, staring at a picture of Josh Clark.” I mourned. The whole class went into silence, as Sofia formed a fist and continued her work, as Josh Clark was giggling under his school jock basketball jacket. I could truly tell that Sofia was very embarrassed.
I sat down at my desk, while Mr. Carbone hollered:

“OK! Everybody, today we are going to pick partners, and remember, this is the week that you are going to make you’re solar system Model. So with the partner you pick, you and that person, will have to meet up someday somewhere and work on this model…” he said.

“Remember that each model has to be pop out Art and CAN NOT be plagiarized, and you also will be presenting it to the class, so make sure you are comfortable with sharing you’re model. Get to work!”

“Ughhh whyyyy!” I murmured.
Sofia walked up to me and asked me-
“well, I know we’ve had some rivalries over the last 3 days but, let’s say we start over and be partners, Huh?” she said very nicely.
“sure…I guess.” I whispered, as Josh jogged over here and sat next to me saying-
“hey, Natalie! You want to be partners?” I shook my head, and very sweetly answered-
“well, I’m sorry Josh, but Sofia already asked me.” He looked around.
“I don’t see Sofia anywhere” he said confused.

“she’s right-“ I turned to my side and Sofia was no longer there
I looked around. Then I looked under the teacher’s desk.
“Sofia! What in the world, are you doing under Mr. Carbone’s Desk?” I screamed.
“Um… Josh was over where you were, I can’t stand to be close to him NOW.” She whispered. As Josh walked up as well,
“umm…” he barely said.

“yes, I know.” She replied.
“um… why” he was confused.
“Uhh… this is a good shade for the model!” she whispered.
“Uh, ok” he said, then walked away.

I slowly took out the circular spheres from my bag.
“I know you like him but there’s no reason to be silly, and hide under Mr.Carbones Desk.” I whispered as I started gluing the “planets” together.
She stared at Josh in a way that gave mixed signals “I know but, he’s so dreamy and… not my type.” She said.
I rolled my eyes. “That’s not true, you know what… I’m going to help you.”
………….. part 2 coming soon.
All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie-dust!
  





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22 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1590
Reviews: 22
Sat Dec 10, 2011 9:57 pm
Xyra says...



This has great potential! I noticed a lot of unnecessary capitals, but other than that it has good grammar, though a few misused words (quenched does not mean squashed. That would be quashed :) <3 ) . Its an interesting beginning though, I would keep reading it. Maybe you should go into more depth about her powers?
I also like how you kept the speech true to life. It made the whole setup more believable! The bit about the crush-y girl made me laugh. Nice work!
More Than Words Can Say
Forever Yours
Xyra Pekkala


PS I will love you forever if you review my story Maia (revised version!)
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=92852
I'll review something of yours in return :P
  








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