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Satan's Successor - Chapter One



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Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:41 pm
AlucardXD says...



Fallon sighs in disappointment and disapproval as I deal the cards. Two other demons, both dark-haired and dead-eyed, eyeing me up suspiciously. I'm a known cheat when it comes to poker - or just gambling in general - but it's not a well-known fact that I very rarely win, if ever. I'm used to it, but it still doesn't stop me getting miffed when I lose. I'm in serious debt to Fallon as it is.
I glance down at my card. I only ever deal myself one card for a very valid reason, and I deal pretty damn quick. I slide the ace of hearts out of my sleeve, subtly sliding it behind the ace of spades, the card that came out 'completely by chance'. I don't get into a hell of a lot of trouble for nothing, you know.
"I'm betting high." The red-skinned demon to my left chuckles. "How's about these babies?" He thumps two long samurai swords down on the table, grinning, and I grin slightly in response. The blue-skinned demon to the right of Fallon whistles slightly.
"Nice one, Raziel." Such an ironic name for a demon; Raziel was an angel of some sort, not that I'm tha clued-up or interested in religion. I mean, I'm a freaking half-lycan half-demon, jeez!
"Samurai swords...they're usually pure silver, right? How did you gain possession of these-?"
"That's none of your business, cross-breed. Just shut up and play." I see the other demon and Fallon both push in a pile of money, and gulp. I close my eyes tightly and shake my head slowly.
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do-
I pick up the heavily-charmed silver chains from the floor, dumping the heavy lump of moulded silver mass on the table. Fallon cocks an eyebrow, and the two demons exchange looks of disbelief.
"You're kidding, right?" Raziel frowns deeply, his eyes glued to his cards.
"Nope. I'm betting my trusty weapons. Pieces of crap, I know, but still." I grin darkly.
"They're charmed?" The blue demon asks.
I paste on a fake smile of what humans call 'reassurance' and I call 'kindly demeanour'. "Oh, but of course. Do proceed, please."
The demons look uneasy, and Fallon sighs.
"Get bloody on with it, Nero." His rough American accent is tainted with impatience and annoyance. Yeah, thanks for using my alias, huh. My alias is Nero Darke, although my real name is just Darius, straight out. I use an alias so people can't find me if I ever screw up. Which is just about never.
Unless gambling or me being staggering drunk is included.
"It's not my bet, though, is it?" I layout three cards next to the potential winnings. The two aces I need - diamonds and clubs - and the two of spades. The demons looks suddenly uncomfortable again, and then the blue one looks down at my sleeve, snarling audibly. I follow his gaze, and then grin darkly, chuckling guiltily as I see another ace of clubs spill out of my sleeve.
Idiot...
"Whoops. Time to leave, Fallon." I grab my chains and the twin samurai swords quickly, half-dragging my vampire companion away from the table. The blue-skinned demon is behind me in an instant, and I move quickly, leaping over the table and scattering cards and money as I move. The demons follow in pursuit and I dodge them quickly and expertly, nonchalantly lighting a cigarette as I move.
"You complete moron, Darius! What were you thinking, cheating against demons?"
"I wasn't." I grin, twirling quickly and catching the demon Raziel in a headlock, taking one last drag on my cigarette before squishing it into it's head.
"Naturally." Fallon sounds irritated and tired. The demons cries out loudly, and then I slide a samurai sword into it's head. The blue-skinned demon soon follows his friend's fate, it's head sliced cleanly from it's body. Blood splatters against my face, and I ignore it as I fix my belt around my back like a sheath, sliding the samurai swords into the belt holes.
Fallon sighs. "You never think."
"Hey, cut me some slack, it's my nature."
"Well, come on, let's get out of here before more demons decide to start a fight-"
"And that's a bad thing?"
This is why people take an instant disliking to me if they take the liberty to speak to me. Naturally.

I meet Uriel's puzzled gaze from across the workshop, and then look over to Monicka, our expert on angels and demons and weaponry specialist, who is busy fixing up my new twin samurai swords. Two twin guns are next to her work-in-progress, and I'm there before Uriel is. Uriel is one of my closest 'friends', after Fallon - right enough, I'd much rather refer to them both as 'allies' rather than 'friends'.
"Nice guns. Who ordered them in?" I ask thoughtfully, and Monicka seems to be suppressing a smile as she sands down the silver blades of the identical samurai swords. Like they're not already thin enough!
"No one, actually. I thought you could do with some more weapons. You need something to bet in your stupid poker games, right? That's how you got the samurais? You actually won?"
"I highly doubt that, it's Darius we're talking about, here." Uriel mutters.
I grin, pulling a hand through my silver hair. "Yeah, about that...let's just say I got what I went for-"
"What he means is that another ace of clubs fell out of his sleeve.He's an idiot, and decided to kill the two demons we were playing against, and the samurai swords were the result of a cocky bet." Fallon says, his voice very matter-of-fact, and Uriel and Monicka grin mockingly. I growl, and then pick up one of the twin guns, fingering it in interest.
"So what've we got here then?" I ask. I note that one of the guns is clearly silver, seemingly made of ivory in certain places, and the other a black colour, like ebony. Reminds me of that video game, Devil May Cry.
"The guns you requested a few weeks ago, remember? Personally customised, semi-automatic handguns, designed to rapidly fire bullets instilled with demonic power. This white-coloured one is a custom-made handgun, and it's custom-built for rapid firing and fast draw times. The black gun has been customised for long-distance targeting and comfort."
I suddenly perk up. "They're M1911-styled?"
"Oh, but of course."
"Chambered for the .45 ACP round, and boast all the plethora of my requested features?" I raise my eyebrows pointedly, and Monicka's grin is dark and sadistic.
"Yeah. They're customised with pivot-style triggers, as opposed to the original 1911's usual straight-pull trigger, so you'll be more comfortable using them. The black gun uses a set of target sights, whereas the silver one uses a pair of combat sights."
I study the guns more closely, noticing the features she points out.
"Both guns feature ported muzzle compensators that reduce recoil and counteract muzzle flip. Both barrels are extended through the compensators and are ported to match the cuts in the compensator. Both use custom slides that have been noticeably thickened and reinforced along the slide travel rails and around the chamber and firing mechanism. The result is a slide that bears a resemblance to SIG-Sauer's M1911 line."
"You've already said that." I mutter, admiring the gun's attention to detail. Rails have been bolted to the forward portion of both frames, and these rails seem to be used to hold the compensator in place.
Fallon whistles, obviously impressed, and Uriel's voice is filled with excitement and jealousy. "I've always wanted guns as complex as these, and with such a highly uncontrollable firepower too! They both use double-stack magazines with slam-pads, and they both have gold-plated magazine releases, hammers, safety switches and triggers!"
"All the more tempting a bet for poker, huh." Fallon mutters, and Monicka snorts softly.
I roll my eyes, and then she speaks again, her voice harsh as she describes the gun's many admirable features; she sounds more masculine, in a way, when she's talking about her interests: guns, blood, death and motorcycles.
"The black one features a hooked, two-handed trigger-guard, while the silver one uses a more traditional rounded trigger-guard. Both weapons use ergonomic wood grips, made entirely of ebony. The black gun's ejection port is located here, on the left side of the weapon," she taps a finger against it softly, "as opposed to the right side. Because this gun is meant to be used left-handed, this causes spent brass or silver to be ejected away from you. The inward-facing side of each weapon is going to be engraved with each gun's individual name, but I'll leave that up to you to decide. I decided to engrave the dedication your brother engraved on your old 1911's, and you should be able to figure out that your brother's guns, Luce and Ombra, are the guns these are modelled after."
The dedication is simple: To my twin, Darius, forever in combat. This is for you, big guy. Dmitri.
I growl slightly as I see my corrupted brother's name, and Fallon pats my shoulder reassuringly, clued up on what's bugging me.
"What are you going to call them? If it helps, don't use your brother's guns as inspiration." Don't worry, I won't...
"Easy. Widow and Reaper." I growl, twirling the twin handguns in my hands.
Last edited by AlucardXD on Tue Dec 13, 2011 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:55 am
dogs says...



Hey Alucard! Dogs here with your review today! I usually don't read this kind of style of writing and book but your title caught my eye. For a sec I thought it was gonna be like one of those lame christmas movies where Santa gets hurt or whatever and someone has to save christmas blah blah very dramatic and anti climatic... but you sure proved me wrong lol! So now plot line wise this piece is good. Intense action in a short amount of time, developing the characters and how they interact with each other. Because this is only the first chapter I can't really talk to much about depth of character and layering characters because you havn't developed the plot enough for the reader. But just a word to the wise, be sure all of your characters are "three dimensional". Meaning that you layer them they have what everyone else see's and something else on the inside, an almost entirely different person.

Well I don't really have anything else to say about this piece but I am excited to read more from it! Please be sure to tell me when the next chapter comes out! You have me intrigued ;). Keep up the good work!!!


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