Young Writers Society

Will Of The Gods
Chapter 1
The Man From The Sky



In the year 300, one thousand people from all across the world dissapered.And every hundred years since, another thousand have been taken. Most young men whos sins darkened the earth, but a few where heros and men of god who never strayed from the path of gods light men who watched over humanity and protected the weak with every fiber of their being. Now in the year 2012 the lost souls return from beyond the vail
1/1/2012
As the sun broke over the horizon, a man fell from the sky he tried to scramble to his feet but as he stood his kness buckled and everything went dark.
When the man came to he found him self lying in a large bed with a beautiful young women standing over him tending to his wounds,he hopped up out of the bed startled, the women scremed and her father came running into the room with a large shot gun and pointed it at the man ready to fire his weapon his daughter pleded.
"please father dont shoot him, i just got scared when i relized he was awake thats all please dont shoot he needs our help."
He looked at his daurghter with disbeliefe.
"she hasnt taken to anyone since her mother died last year on her 18th birthday all she did the past year was help me work on our small farm rarly saying a word and now this young mans presence seems to have brought life back into her eyes without a single word."
Smileing he turned to the young man.
"lunch will be ready shortly then you can tell us who you are we dont need any trouble and i wont let anything happen to my daughter shes all i have left keep that in mind, come on jazmin."
"yes father"
Alone in the room the man wondered was he taken to a new world in his last fight or could this be earth, the place he dreamed of since he was taken all those centuries ago.Overwhelmed with couriosity the man left the bed room and headed for the kitchen when he walked in jazmin had just finished setting the table.She smiled when she noticed the man walk into the room but her father was not as trusting.
"Sit, i think its time you told us who you are and how you got those wounds."
And so he did as the three sat and ate he told his story.
"I was born in 1693 to a poor family, life was hard when my father became ill, so when i turned 19 i left home to futher my studies at the vatican in hopes that god would send my family his blessings and the church would help a preist and his dieing family. And in four years i became a renouned preist everyday more and more people flocked to the church to listen as i spok gods word.
With all i had done for the church the pope agreed to help my impoverished family so i rushed home to get them but i never made it as i ran down the only dirt road that lead to the small provence two men stood before me one God an the other Satan.I was chosen to help end their war and before i could refuse, i found myself on the other side of the vail as we called it. where you become your soul you take its shape, its strength, and its powers.
For the last 300 years ive been trapped there waiting for the day the gods set us free to end their war. The last thing i remember from the other side was a man clocked in grey taking his final swing with a large black sword aimed at my neck."
"Sir.please tell me is this earth or have i lost myself behind the vail?"
Jazmins father laughed. "well if were gonna have a loon livin with us for a little while we should atlest know your name im Dale and this is my daughter Jazmin"
"I...i dont know what my name is any more, i was known as Raphael on the other side of the vail."
Still laughing about the story he just heard Dale replied.
"I guess that'll do"
"dad dont be so rude he hit his head pretty hard come on Raphael let me show you around."

"from all across the world disappeared.And..."

There needs to be a space in-between the period and "and"

"a few where heros and men of god who never strayed from the path of gods light men who watched over humanity and protected the weak with every fiber of their being"

There needs to be a lot more commas in here, otherwise it is just a run on sentence. You also use god to much in this line. It should be written like this:

A few where heros and men of faith, who never strayed from the path of gods light. Men who watched over humanity and protected the weak with every fiber of their being

"Smieling"

It is spelled smiling.

"pleded"

Pleaded

" shes"

She's.

I stopped reading this after Jazmin said "Sit, i think its time you told us who you are and how you got those wounds". I generally read through and do corrections on the way and stopped here because it was getting to hard to read. I understand spelling errors and such because I am majorly Dyslexic and oddly enough sometimes this spell check system doesn't work perfectly all the time. I always write my works out in word documents and copy and paste them into here to avoid spelling and grammar errors. But this is just way to much. You don't use a space after a period as you should in the english grammar. You don't capitalize your i's as you should, you do not capitalize words after every sentence as you should, you do it sometimes but there are others where you just kinda failed on the capitalizing part. You also didn't capitalize any names as you should, nor do you capitalize the beginning of each line when someone is speaking. Always always alway alllwwwaaaayyyyys capitalize those. I am not going to bother reading anymore of this because it is so difficult to read for a dyslexic like me.

You should type this up in a word document and that will tell you all of your grammar and spelling errors. Thats all I have to say I'm sorry

TuckEr EllsworTh

i didn't spell check or anything i just wanted to finish so i could take a nap
lol

Lol, well thats cool and all but you really need to check for spelling and grammar and all because thats a big part of some people at YWS. If you really want people to read your writing you should check the grammar and spelling and everything before you post. It makes a huge difference when reading it. Happy Writing!!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh