Art gives me so much inspiration. xDAnyway, I should warn you, this chapter is rated mature for a reason. If you're under 18, you might not want to read it. Some pictures are also included... No explicit stuff or so... but a lot of things that children won't understand. I am not particularily very fond of such scenes (although they come a lot easier to me), but I think these are necessary in the process of building this love story... I believe it would feel unreal to write about a courtesan and not add love scenes at all. Hope you won't get bored. ^^
This chapter should've been longer, and also should've been the last one in this first part of my novel (because I've decided to split the novel in two parts)... but I cut it short as some of you complained because of the huge length of my chapters.
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THE RED ROSE
CHAPTER TEN: "Careless Lovers"
***
Rose
Rose
For the last weeks I had been living a dream… my dream that I had never before dared to believe that it would ever come true. I did not have the opportunity to question our future again. Right then, it didn’t matter if we would ever get married or not… I had no time to think this over anyway. William took me out for a stroll every day. Usually in the morning we would go for a walk the furthest possible from the centre of the town, and at evening we’d go to the opera… or to the theatre.
Soon after, the rehearsals for William’s play had been resumed. And this is how our little game of hide and seek started. We took advantage of any little break, of every moment between my lines, to meet behind the curtain. William and I were inseparable, two bodies that were attracted to one another and could not be divided for long time. We did not want anybody else to know about our bond. It was a secret that shared by only us. Not even my friend knew about our reconciliation.
Soon, however, people started to gossip, and rumours reached Scarlet’s ears as well. She could not resist asking me if what she had heard was true, but I quickly changed the subject whenever she did that. How should I say it? Our love was something too intimate, too personal, to be shared with anybody else. It was something only us had, thus kept it for ourselves. I was pretty much acting like a young girl, childish and secretive… with nothing to worry about… careless… and soon, as I’d realise, penniless.
“You will soon make me cut some of your scenes with that boy…” William said upon arriving at his place. Another day of rehearsals had just ended, and by the time I finished my acting part, he had been already wishing to steal me from all the other actors and bring me to a place where he could have his way with me.
“With James, you mean? Why, are you that jealous already?” I replied, placing the bouquet of flowers I had in my hands on a table. It had become a custom to receive roses from William. Whenever he could, he bought me my favourite flowers to make me happy, even if for just one short moment.
“I should be, you already know his name.” Poor William, all of these weeks must’ve driven him insane. For all this week we had been working intensely, and barely had a moment to spare for ourselves. I had been spending my time more with the actors than with him, and now he was claiming me back. Every time I had a love scene with that boy – who was too young and overly inexperienced to even arise my curiosity, let alone my interest, I could feel his jealous eyes on me from that seat in the front row where he’d always stay. “You are beautiful, perhaps a little too much than it is safe. I would not be a man if I did not wish to be the only one in the world that you have eyes for.”
“You know it so well that you’ve stolen my heart, yet you still fear that you might lose it,” I said, while I took a seat on his sofa. “I don’t get you men; I swear I could never understand how…” I stopped as soon as I felt William leaning over the sofa towards me, one hand caressing my cheek, fingers tracing the outline of my lips.
“You talk too much. You should put these perfect lips of yours to better use.”
“Are you suggesting that I talk too much and only nonsense?”
Spoiler! :
“I am suggesting that we should kiss.” Dropping one intense kiss on my lips, he raised me in his arms and carried me to his bedroom, depositing me on his bed. For minutes, we’d been staying like that, in a non-voluptuous manner – I with my legs crossed under, my dress rumpled, and William sitting on the edge of the bed – showering kisses over my lips. His hands remained at the base of my throat, brushing lightly against my skin; they didn’t move further… whereas I needed them all over my body. Since our first and only night together, I had been waiting for this moment when we’d be as one again.
Seeing that he wouldn’t take the initiative, I attempted at unbuttoning his shirt, but the buttons wouldn’t undo in my hands. I felt my heart skip a beat as I saw William smiling, wondering what he’d think of me and my lack of skill. It sure could provide him with a good reason to laugh at me, but he did not. Rather than this, though, he waited for me to finish, preserving the same warm smile that was neither ironical, nor mocking in any way, until I finally figured it out. It had been one of the few times in my life when I dared to divest a man of his garments. Usually, men would take their clothes off before I would even feel the desire to strip them, anyway.
I startled as William moved his hands to the back of my dress, and panicked, as I had done before. I was afraid that I might’ve gotten hurt if I lost control… several memories in my head coming alive, little by little. I had once let a man undress me in my early times as a courtesan, and he had nearly ravished me with his impatience. Since then, I had never let anybody else take off my clothes, cutting down the length of an intercourse to as much as I could. It was my way of being in control, and never allow anybody to seduce me. William, however, had no idea of what I’d been through – neither now, nor the first time we had slept together.
“You should let me do that. It might take forever.” I instinctively pulled away from him for a moment in a gesture of self-protection, and blushed at my own silliness. William would’ve never done me harm, much less right now, when his touch was so warm and gentle. He still looked back at me with confusion, so I added, “I wear too many layers of clothes.” – a clumsy remark, I knew.
“You’re doubting both my skill and patience. Though… are we in a hurry?” I shook my head in negation. “Then let me love you in the true sense. You know,” he said while moving his fingers skilfully at the back of my garments again, “You never cease to amaze me… in a manner in which you make me question your past, the way you’ve described it to me. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you say that you’ve never been undressed by a man before.”
“Not really…” I said, feeling my blush deepen, and William’s curiosity demanding an answer. “You talk too much, William.”
“Beating me at my own game, aren’t you?” he said with a smile, then laid my head against his chest. “You haven’t been treated with love and respect too much in the past, have you?” he asked me, lifting my chin to meet my gaze. I shook my head slightly, averting my eyes. “Surrender yourself to me, Rose. A man never gets possessive as long as the woman doesn’t show resistance.”
“A man will get lose interest whenever a woman is willing to surrender.”
“Not as long as he loves her. And I love you, Rose.” I stared in his eyes, asking him to say this again, and so he did. William continued to whisper the same words to me, until I, melting little by little in his arms, buried my head in his chest, holding on to him as if I never wished to let go of him.
We remained silent for a while, time in which he succeeded in removing both my gown and my corset, leaving me only in my chemise and drawers. Being freed of the corset, I could finally breathe without restraint. It was a pleasant feel that gratified our skin, whenever our bodies made contact through my undergarments. With every layer of fabric he had taken off, it felt that William had been stripping me of my confidence as well. Though I listened to him and ceased to show opposition. I let my vulnerable body in the hands of the man I trusted, to do whatever he wished to with it.
There wasn’t a part of me that he left untouched. He lavished me with kisses, while I was just standing there, in his arms, memorising every touch, every moment that we were creating. Never breaking the connection, he laid my bare body on the bed as I removed his last undergarments that stood between us.
What happened that night was beyond any past escapade of mine. William had been overly tender and indulgent with me, allowing me to set my own pace and synchronising with my own moves, until we found our own rhythm.
My entire body was coming alive with every touch. For one night, I truly believed that our love would last forever. Whenever I looked at him, I could see our unborn children in his eyes, and it occurred to me that we would be married someday. It was a feeling that nobody else had given me.
Somehow, I was sure that something inside of me had to be melted or broken. Between our kisses, I prayed to God not to ever part us again, knowing that I was too weak now to resist another break-up.
***
I woke up before noon the next day and turned on the other side, searching for love in flesh and blood. However, instead of William, I found petals spread over the bed, and a small bouquet of red roses in the centre of the pillows. Next to them, there was a pile of papers, and I immediately identified the handwriting. They were William’s poems, those that he had not let me read them when I first visited his home.
Spoiler! :
I read a few of them, until I heard the door open and saw William enter the room – moment in which I dropped the papers and emerged from the bed, covering my body with the bed sheets with one hand, the other one spread out to him, longing for his embrace. As he neared me, I lifted my head to him and offered my lips in a kiss, both of us clasped in an intimate embrace.
“I see you’ve read some of my poems,” he said after we broke apart.
“I did…. I take it that we are close enough now to let me read them, aren’t we?”
“As far I as know, yes, we are. Is there anything we haven’t tried or done?”
“Oh, but there is,” I quickly hurried to contradict him. “We’ve never bathed together, did we?”
“That can be solved.”
“Nor danced together on real music… But…” my thoughts trailed off as I thought of the future, “but this can be solved, too,” I laughed softly to myself. “Scarlet is holding a ball after the play… You will come, won’t you? We have to celebrate your debut.”
“I’d rather celebrate the debut in another way, but as long as you wish so, I will come.”
“Yes, I know how you would like to spend that night… disrobing me of everything and pleasuring me until I lose my mind… just as you did yesterday. Soon, we will get bored of each other...”
“Not in the least. I could make love to you all day and night, and still not have enough. Would you not, if you could?” he asked me, as if demanding a positive answer.
“Then you must be unappeasable,” I said teasingly, not offering a response to his question. “Well… I still have to find something that we will most likely never do… I know!” I exclaimed after pondering for a while, “We’ve never swum together in the sea…”
“But you’ve been to the sea before, haven’t you?”
“I didn’t. My father promised me he would take me there just before he died… after that, I didn’t have the chance to go there again.”
“Then I’ll take you,” he replied, taking my hand in his hands and kissing it. “I promise I’ll take you one day to the sea.”
“You don’t have to. Regardless, there would still be plenty of things we wouldn’t get to do together.”
“Still I want to,” William insisted. “I wish to make you happy, Rose. If that brings you joy even in the slightest, I will gladly do it.”
“William… you’ve already made me happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”
“Is it true, though? Would you not let me love you forever, if you could? You do love me, don’t you?” I smiled at William’s incertitude. The more you love somebody, the more afraid you are of losing him. I knew it, because I felt the same… although, whenever we were so close to one another, I found it hard to believe that we’d ever break up again. William, on the contrary, was afraid of losing me even in times like these, when I was standing right there, in his arms, and nobody could ever take me away.
“Such silly questions that trouble your mind… If I told you I wouldn’t, would you believe me? Is it not clear after all we’ve been through that I love you with all my being?” I lifted my arms to trace the outline of his wide jaw with my hands. The high cheekbones, the square chin and straight nose… all of those masculine features caused the passion of the night before to come alive.
I pulled him closer, demanding his body over mine, and took his clothes off in a hurry, revealing perfectly sculpted body. I let the sheets fall off me, throwing them away, allowing our bodies to brush against one another with every breath we took. We made love a second time, with such power and restlessness that it left us exhausted and completely silent.
Later, I was helplessly cradled in his arms, my body spread over his. William was playing my hair and caressing the small of my back, both of us unwilling to leave the bed. We eventually skipped the rehearsals that day, eliciting even more rumours than we’d done before. After that day, about every actor… and some people at the opera as well, were certain that we were a couple.
“It is true, isn’t it? I wasn’t sure before, but now I am,” Scarlet concluded. She had been passing by my place when a storm broke out, thus took advantage of the circumstances to pay me a visit.
“You will not judge me if I tell you, will you, Scarlet?”
“So it is. The weather has changed drastically, don’t you think?” my friend quickly changed the subject, seeing that I refused to comment on the previous topic.
“It has, indeed, even in my house. Annette,” I said to my maid, “could you put some coal in the fireplace, I am freezing here.”
“We don’t have any, my lady.”
“Then, why are you standing here? Go and get some!”
“I am afraid we don’t have any money left…” Annette said with a grave voice. It was then when I realised that money did not simply fall from the sky. If I did not take any measure, I would soon be financially ruined.
The news brought me down completely, to the point that it left Scarlet speechless… but I could sit there and feel pity for myself. I could not give up so easily. Looking around the room, I came up with an idea. “Then sell those paintings. Find someone willing to buy them!”
“My lady, it could take some time. The demand of art is constantly dropping on the market nowadays. They are not originals, either…”
I fell back on the couch, rubbing my forehead nervously in an attempt to find an efficient solution as soon as possible. My hand hit the jewellery box on the stand below, making it fall and open. I saw pearls and diamonds spread around the floor, and it occurred to me that I could make more money that I’d ever imagine from my gold only. “Then I’ll sell my jewellery,” I spoke as I took the ring that Ralph had given me. “And this little piece is the first thing I will get rid of. I surely won’t suffer from qualms of conscience if I sell it.” I bent down and grabbed the box from the floor, placing the pieces inside it and asked my maid to leave us alone.
“Rose… what will you do?” Scarlet asked me as soon as we were alone.
“Don’t be so worried, Scarlet. I’ll sell my jewellery, my dresses… I’ll find a way. I will take up acting again…”
“But… but what does William say about this?”
“He does not know, nor would he ever think that I could be broke. We didn’t discuss such matters…”
“Well then why don’t you ask him for help? I am certain he would –”
“No, never!” I refused from the start. “I could never do that. I could never make a business partnership out of us.”
William
The play had been a success; I was amazed by the positive criticism that it received. Mr. Wright congratulated me, and even offered to pay me double for the next play I would write. I, however, turned his offer down. I felt guilty for my refusal, but being a writer was not my best option. Writing a play involved too much time, and I earned a sum of money too modest to satisfy my expectancies.
Lately I had been thinking about my future with Rose. And, why should I lie? I had been confronted with the idea of marriage several times. For some reason, though, I could not make up my mind on the matter. I could not find a strong reason to avoid this marriage, but still I could not find a motivation either. Marriage could not change a thing between us, so why should I’ve proposed to her? We were perfectly fine the way we were. I guess I was simply running from any responsibility.
I took Rose to the ball that evening, as I promised to her. She was, no doubt, the star of the night. All eyes were on her – some, as I could tell, were envious, but most of the people there were staring at her in awe. She was, by far, the only woman that everybody turned their heads to when we entered the ballroom, arm in arm.
Whenever we parted, there had to be some man who took her away from me, stealing the dance that we were supposed to share, and it drove me crazy… I have to admit, I would’ve so much liked to cover her with something… anything, and hide her from all curious eyes.
In the end, after her third dance with a complete stranger, I ended my talk with my fellow actors, and walked across the floor, right to her, before any other boy would try to steal her from me again. “May I have this dance that you promised to me some time ago?” I held out one hand to her and she placed hers into mine, my other hand encircling her slim waist.
“You couldn’t stand one more man close to me, could you? I’ve been trying to make you give up for a while, what took you so long?”
“It was merely my generosity. I was kind enough to let these young men spare a moment with you. Most likely, they never stood so close to such a wonderful woman, and probably won’t have this chance again in the future, either.”
“Yes, they were quite unattractive and dull… compared to you. You are the greatest seducer of the world, after all.”
Spoiler! :
“Am I?”
“Of course,” she said in a whispered voice, “but only when a bed is involved.”
“I am sure that we could find a secluded corner somewhere, should you want me to prove you the opposite.” I slid my hand over her back, discreetly forcing the generous neckline, until I managed to touch a bit of the skin underneath.
“Later,” she spoke and gestured me to be silent, “I wish to dance with you right now.” We swayed for a while until our favourite waltzes ceased to play, leaving space for Strauss’ Tritsch-Tratsch-Polka*. I noticed that Rose was in no mood for such a lively dance, thus we both ended our sway.
“Could we go to your place, William? I am a little tired… but,” she hurried to add, “if you really wish to stay... I am perfectly fine with it.”
“No, I agree. I think it’s past time we left. Come, let us bid Scarlet and her guests goodbye.”
We left Scarlet and headed to my place. By the time we reached my bedroom, Rose was already cradled in my arms, eyes half-closed and yawning. She was so sleepy and tired, but still she showed no opposition while I seduced her. I made love to her slowly, taking time to make it last, until she finally fell asleep in my arms.
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* a composition by Johann Strauss; the rhythm of a polka dance is more lively and alert.
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