It's been a while since I last recommended you to listen to music while reading my novel... For this chapter, I totally recommend you Tchaikovsky's "Valse Sentimentale" and "Piano Concerto no. 1" in B Flat Minor – they are heart-breaking!
In any case, happy reading!
________________________________________________________________________________
THE RED ROSE
CHAPTER ELEVEN: "A Rose Left Alone"
***
William
William
"Where shall we go this evening?" Rose asked me while we both got dressed. Her slender fingers moved skilfully at the base of my throat, tying my ascot and securing it with a pin. "Scarlet asked me to bring you to the opera tonight, she has a role in 'Hamlet."
"As much as I'd like to, Rose, I don't think I can come with you tonight."
"Let me guess… you've just had your debut, and you're already working on a new play… Am I right? I heard Mr. Wright insisted that you work for him again…"
"No, my dear; you are, in fact, very wrong. I didn't accept Mr. Wright's offer. I give up writing… at least as a profession."
"Truly? You were so passionate about it… Will you really never work at the theatre… again?"
"I'm afraid I won't." At this, Rose pouted and turned around as I fastened the fabric around her waist, tying the strings at the back of her dress in a ribbon. Dressing each other after we got up had become a part of our daily routine, one in which both of us took pleasure. I looked in the mirror, fixing the collar and the sleeves. Everything was in place and my neck scarf so perfectly tied, that it made me think it must take a woman's attention to details to do such a perfect knot. "I swear you could almost beat a man at knots. Where did you learn to do it?"
"My dear William, you forget that I've had the mischance to practice it on many others before." I glanced at her reflection in the mirror. Rose looked as if she had something on her mind… something of which I had no knowledge. She was standing on a chair, hands clasped on her lap, eyes staring at the floor. It was, probably, my fault that I reminded her of the past.
Although, recently she had been like this most of the time. It was something barely noticeable, but I knew her better than anybody else. She could not hide it from me. Might've been that my affection was not enough to satisfy her. Perhaps she missed the extravagance she'd had when she was with that count, or maybe it was just myself overestimating or misunderstanding her behaviour. Nevertheless, it made me feel uncomfortable regarding my limitations.
In no way could I ever admit my financial inferiority compared to her past lovers. It was a part of my ego, but also of the love I nursed to her. I could not live with the idea that I might not be able to make her complete, both spiritually and materially. I wished to give her everything she needed, and never make her suffer again.
I let my thoughts stray off as she turned to me. For the first time that day, I saw a smile shining on her face. "Look at you! You are such a fine specimen of a gallant* in becoming. My, I wouldn't be surprised to find that you're meeting another woman today!"
"You couldn't be more wrong, but I accept your compliment. Anyhow, however pleased would meeting another woman without your knowledge make me, I am going to pay a visit to Henry today… Remember that contract I've signed? It's about time I should get involved in this project. It will bring me more profit than any play could ever do."
"Henry… isn't he that friend of yours? He didn't seem contended in any way when he saw us together."
"What Henry thinks is the least that I care of right now. He is not a friend of mine… rather a family friend, my father insisted that I should work with him. Regardless, there is something I don't like about him, although I can't tell precisely what…"
"So you've decided… Is business for you, though, William? I could never imagine you working in a company…"
"It is by far my least favourite option, but we don't always do what we like, do we?"
"Indeed. I know it very well." Again, I watched Rose as she fell into the same absent-minded state. It did not bother me at first, although, little by little, it started to irk me.
I turned to her and took her face in my hands, causing her to look me in the eyes. "You seem quite absent-minded lately. Did I disappoint you with my choice?"
"Of course you did," she said pulling a smile that seemed forced to me, "After all, it was your artistic side that I fancied the most. Now I might as well fall out of love with you."
"Have no worries, my artistic side is at its place, as always… However, your bright side is not. You cannot fool me. What is troubling you?" I persisted. I had a feeling that, once again, there was something she knew, and kept away from me.
"Nothing. Honestly, you don't have to worry about me." No matter my tries, Rose would refuse to tell me.
"If you say so…" I made the choice to leave it at that. In any case, it had to be something insignificant. I trusted her perhaps a little too much than I should have. If there was anything of great urgency, I was certain that she would've told me.
Besides, today was no ordinary day; it was one of the days that she would remember forever. I dug my hand discreetly in one of my pockets, making sure that the tiny box was at its place. My plan that day was to take her out for lunch to the most refined restaurant that I knew, and then propose to her. I had high hopes that this would ease her mind, if nothing else would.
I had been considering the possibility of marriage since the day of my debut, when I had thought I'd seen her sad for the first time. It was my wish of seeing her happy that triggered my actions. Days later, I had seen a ring in a shop window, and bought it the same day. It was the kind of ring I was certain she'd love, made of white gold with a small, but bright-red ruby in the middle… simple, yet elegant and feminine. "Come," I said upon noticing her thoughtfulness, and before I would lose all enthusiasm "shall we go now? We can still spend the afternoon together."
"But where? You haven't told me yet where are we going. And why is it that we've dressed so formal?"
"That is a surprise." At this, she let out a sigh. I was trying hard to preserve my calm, but, in all honesty, I was disappointed. It was not how I pictured the day of our engagement. "You don't enjoy surprises anymore? Well, then if you insist… You are both starved, and well dressed. Where else could I take the elegant lady before my eyes than to one of the most prestigious restaurant around?" With a brisk move, I seized her hand in mine.
"You do no have to…" she said, withdrawing her hand from mine, breaking my illusions and all that I had hoped for. My plans of making her happy were not only ruined, but also turned into a complete failure. While I had been so eager, anticipating… if not, at least hoping to bring a true smile on her lips, she stood there, unmoved by my intention.
"I want to. Do you not? Didn't men before me take you to expensive places? Do I not meet their standards?" I grabbed her arms and, against my will, shook her forcefully – an impolite gesture that I was ashamed of.
"Thank God you don't meet their standards! What has gotten into you all of a sudden?" she said, half-fearfully, half-puzzled. "I have no wish to go to any of those pretentious places… You do not even have the money! You are not being sensible." – a bitter conclusion to end our small talk with. If I had not felt disappointed before, now I was. Her words cut like a knife – a pang in my chest. What had been in my mind when I had bought the ring? I had spent almost a fortune on it, and still I had high hopes. I hoped that we would marry, build a house of our own… All these disillusions had no solid ground. I had no money to invest in it.
"I don't, do I? You might be right, but I am no poor man either! I can afford it. I want to treat you properly."
"Then keep me away from the luxurious life that I've been part of all of this time. Can't you see… that it almost destroyed me? William, I want none of it!" The sound of her voice so desperate, deep blue eyes imploring me – I could not help but believe her.
Spoiler! :
"Forgive me," I whispered, embracing her with all my might.
"It's alright. Why are we even arguing? Please, let us go to the place we've been before, shall we?" I approved with a nod and held her to me. If only she knew what I apologized for! For not being able to make her happy…
Rose
For the last few days of the week, William had been so busy, that I barely got to see him twice a day. We would part at noon, and he'd stay all evening home working for that company of his…
Things took a turn different than what I had expected. I had hoped that William would work for the theatre. This way, I could've been an actress, for I knew that William would've chosen me over the others for his plays. Now I was left somehow at a crossroad. My reputation at the theatre was tarnished because of some scandals that I had long ago been involved into. No matter how much I would've tried, I knew Mr. Right would've never hired me again. Still, I had to give it a try.
"Please Mister Wright, hire me as an actress of the theatre. You have my word, I will not disappoint you this time."
"Child, I have heard these words coming from your mouth too many times before. I can not allow your private matters to interfere with my profession, especially now, when my business is in flourish."
"But there is no need to worry about it. No more rumours. Honestly! William loves me, and I love him back! Simple as that!"
"Is that so? Have you any proof?"
"Of course not, but –"
"Why do I have the feeling that I've already heard all these from you? I cannot be sure of anything when it comes to you. I've come to a decision." Useless. It was useless. I would've never been 'the red rose of the theatre', 'the star that has been born out of nothing and appeared out of nowhere'. Those days were over for me. "I am sorry, child," Mr. Wright added, seeing me so disappointed, "I just can't risk the theatre for you."
The refusal was total, and clear as day. I could not find understanding in Mr. Wright, who once cared for me as if I was his daughter. I could not blame him, though.
Instead, I started to sell as many things I could. Annette kindly agreed to work for me, provided that I offered her the same conditions – a room of herself, food and clothes. It was the least I could do for her.
As for me, the least I could do was to keep my faith in this love I thought I had. And as with all passions, it all starts with desire, and continues with doubts. I could not answer Mr. Wright's question, there was no evidence to prove that our love would reserve anything at all for us in the future.
A marriage was the only decent option that could save me – the only one that I could accept. I had never been a religious person in the true sense… but every night I prayed for William to stand by my side and never leave me alone.
And he stood… until one day…
***
Outside, there was a real storm. I had been awoken by a clash of thunder before sunrise to see that William was not in the bed. I put on a dressing gown and found him in the other chamber, one hand holding a letter, the other one brought to his chin in a thoughtful, if not worried gesture. "William, what is it?" I asked him from the threshold.
"My brother… he is ill."
"Your brother…? You never told me you have a brother."
"I don't. After my mother's death, father married another woman. He is her son, from another marriage. I believe this does not make us stepbrothers, either. Still, my father had the guts to ask me to call him 'brother'…"
"You lost you mother?" I said, with a feeling that there were so many aspects of his childhood that I was not familiar with. " I did not know…"
"You didn't ask either. And I thank you for this. It is not a subject I'm comfortable with. I've never forgiven my father for what he's done; whenever this conversation is brought up, I can't help but be reminded of how much he hurt me, and my mother, if she would be alive."
"What in the world has he done to you, William? He is still your father, you should respect him for this reason alone, if not for others."
"Would you still respect a man who, in less than three months after mother's death, brought another woman in our house, and expected me to call her 'mother'? Could you forgive him, if you were in my place?"
"I wouldn't know, but I believe I'd forgive him. It is his right to remarry, and I'm sure your mother would want him to be happy."
"Is this what you think, Rose? Would you find somebody else so easily if I were dead?" I flinched at his words, feeling my heart skipping a beat of fright.
"William, never say that again, not even in hypothetical!"
"Still, would you?" William insisted, as he always did when questions of whether my love towards him was genuine were involved. He could not understand, it seems, that if we were to part ways someday, I could never expect of him to cry over me and live with the memory of what we had for all the rest of his life. This was my definition of love… to feel such great affection towards somebody so that you'd always wish for his happiness, rather than yours.
"I don't know, William, I say 'no' right now, but I'd be an hypocrite to say that I wouldn't, simply because I can't foresee the future."
"How come you can't, when I can? I would never have another woman, if something happened to you. One can only love once in a lifetime."
"William…" My legs weakened. My heart must've melted as well… because, somehow, I knew that there was truth in his words. "I don't know why… but I believe you."
I watched William settle at his working desk again. In a fast and furious gesture, he tore the letter in pieces and threw it away. "My father requires me to depart immediately."
"Wh– When… exactly?" I asked, disconnectedly – my greatest fear beginning to take control over me. "And for how long?"
"As soon as I can," he replied with gravity in his voice. "I don't know for sure. A month or so, I assume…"
"A month? Quite a lot… I… I suppose I should leave you alone to pack your things..." I returned to the bedroom to dress. I heard William enter the room and felt him coming near, until the bed gave in to his weight, whilst he stood on the opposite edge of it.
As we put on our clothes, I could not help but wonder whether this was the end that I had been anticipating. 'Men always came and went, but in the end nobody stood by my side', a voice in my head echoed. Was I strong enough to pick up the pieces of my life if William would never come back to me? A deadly silence was established between us.
Afterwards, William led me outside his apartment, and downstairs, and we separated at the gate with one single line: "I'll come over your place before leaving."
***
I spent all morning by myself, weeping in my chamber. My dream was shattered, torn to pieces. This was where it ended. The good times were coming to an end.
True to his word, William came to my place before evening. I wiped off my tears before meeting him, and applied some powder on my cheeks. If we were to break apart, he would at least remember me as being beautiful and joyful. In no way could I shed any tears in front of him.
He insisted that I let him come inside, but I refused. Having sold some of the paintings and other expensive decorations, some of the walls were empty. The mansion was not what it used to be. Since I had started to sell my belongings, I used the pretext that the mansion reminded me too much of Ralph, which was, in fact true, to keep William away from my place. It had worked well until now. I could never permit him to find out that I was ruined, especially in times like these, when I didn't want him to ignore his family duties only because of me. I did not wish to stand in his way.
We had been talking for a while about anything completely unrelated to his departure, until he, seeing that I was silent, often avoiding his gaze, mentioned that he would write me as often as he could, to tell me that he misses me.
"No, don't do this, William. I'd rather hear it from you, when you return." 'If you ever return', my thoughts trailed off. In all truth, it would've caused me too much pain. His letters would, one day, come to an end, and it would consume me with doubts.
"Because it would hurt you too much, wouldn't it?" I averted my eyes. How well he could read my mind! "Rose, I know what you think. You're afraid that, once gone, I'll never come back to you."
"How wrong you are!" I lied. "William, your family needs you, I can't be so selfish as to think of what's best for me…"
"Lies! Don't sell me these lies, Rose. I know you so well… you would not love me if you had no fears. You might hide the tears you've cried, but the evidence is still here," he said, stroking my cheeks. "Your eyes are swollen."
"They are not!" I protested, removing his hands from my face. "And if they are, it is because I haven't been feeling well, that is all." Anticipating that strength would leave me, I buried my head in his chest. 'A month or so…' What would become of me in this month by myself, with nothing to reassure me that William would return to me? Still, his simple embrace soothed my pain, giving me hope that I had never thought I would discover in me.
"Ask me to stay and I will."
"Would you really, if I asked you?" I said, lifting my head to stare in his eyes. He approved with a nod. "You fool! You say you hate your father, while others like me would give anything to have one… even a stepfather… It is better to have a stepmother than to not have anybody at all. You should be ashamed for having so little respect for your family."
"My family…" his voice faded away as he let out a sigh. "I feel I should've told you before about it. You would've understood me better now. It is my fault, and I admit it."
"I understand you, William. I wish you could understand me, too. I'd do anything to have a family."
"You have me, and always will. I will return to you as soon as possible, Rose, I promise you this. You have my word."
Spoiler! :
"I don't know how, but I trust you right now, William." In time, he had developed a fine quality of being persuasive, and I – of being too credulous, if not even naive. But what could I have done? As he took my hand and kissed it with such fondness, how could I not believe him? How could I still doubt his affection when it seemed that he poured it all so tenderly in me as we kissed goodbye?
I would take it as a challenge. If he came back, I would have the best proof of his love. Only time and time alone could prove me that this was love.
This is where I was left alone – where the man I loved came and went, leaving me alone with the hope that he would, in spite of my reputation, come back.
________________________________________________________________________________
* here used in the sense of a dashing or fashionable young man, especially one who pursues women.
Gender:
Points: 5010
Reviews: 133