Young Writers Society

Chapter 1 - 2 Weeks Away

I threw the last of my hair and make-up into the large suitcase that was already too full. After walking home quickly from school, I had had just enough time to pile almost all of my belongings into the suitcase that my Mom had given me. She was organized, and so she had already packed her suitcase over the last few days.

I know what you're thinking. And, no, i'm not going anywhere with them. My parents are going on holiday to beautiful Majorca. Therefore, I get to spend two whole weeks with my best friend! At first, I was a little upset that my parents were going on holiday without me. But when Kayleigh's Mom offered for me to stay with them for the two weeks, I couldn't wait for my parents to leave.

Me and Kayleigh had spent weeks at school planning what we were going to do and how much fun we were going to have. And we intended to have a lot!

My bedroom door opened and in walked Kayleigh with the biggest grin on her face. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw her. Then the smile disappeared when she saw me with a handful of stuff and an open suitcase.

"Coral, please tell me you're done. If not then we're leaving without you. Me and my Dad have been sat outside in that car for over 20 minutes!" she told me, and my mouth dropped. I hadn't been that long, surely.

My eyes flew to the digital clock on my dressing table and she was right. I thought it had been, like, 5 minutes. My bad. Day-dreaming does that to you.

"Sorry, Kay. I'm done now, I think." I felt bad for taking so long.

"Good. Now, let's go." She said, trying to sound annoyed at me, but, as I knew her so well, I caught the smile in there too.

I closed my bedroom door behind us and Kayleigh and I attempted to drag the suitcase down the narrow stairs. Hmmmm, this was going to be harder than I thought. But Dave was on top of it.

Kayleigh's Dad was quite tall and broad-shouldered. Just the man for the job, I thought to myself.

With ease, he carried the heavy load down the stairs and out the front door. He squeezed it into his car's boot as I said goodbye to my parents.

After lots of hugging and goodbye's, I followed Kayleigh down the garden path and to the end of the drive, where her dad was waiting in the car. I turned back to look at my small but cosy house and sighed. A silent goodbye to my favourite place in the world.

I climbed in the car and let Dave take me to my second favourite place in the world.

The Shorne's House.

I like the initial idea but maybe there needs to be a little bit more substance. It's only the first chapter and it's left open, as though you don't actually know what is going to happen. I think that Kayleigh could be one of them girls that coral could be knocking about with because if she doesn't she'll be mean to her. I think that would give quite an interesting spin on the story and also the relationship of these two characters. There is already a hint of that there in this chapter so maybe just expand on that. I would love to know the suggested plot for this story and then i could see how it relates to the first chapter. but overall a nice start that just needs bringing to life by the next chapter

The story starts neatly and has a good sound to it but you need to write more or put more info on the character i didn't know who Dave was and i'm still not sure . But i'm very eager to read whats next, nice work