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Savior: Chapter Ten



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Sat Oct 29, 2011 6:34 pm
AngelKnight900 says...



Andre

I never told Madison this, but I knew why these guys wanted her. My mom had hired this detective. His name was Detective Johnson and this guy saw all and he knew all. It seemed that Madison's father, was once a lawyer. He once had a rape case and he had to defend the defender. The defender was found guilty of course and he swore to Madison's father, that he would ruin him, because later on her father refused to defend him, because what he did was wrong and he couldn't defend someone like this, because he knew very well, that the defender would do it again. The defender swore to go after someone close to him and Madison was their victim. Of course, their victim will be a girl-not to be sexist-but because a father usually cherishes their daughter.

It wasn't long till this guy found who Madison was and started following her. Revenge is an annoying bitch.

I wondered why the police didn't act on now or why we didn't report it yet. We couldn't just be standing here and letting this happen. What were we waiting for?

Proof.

We had no evidence whatsoever. We only had assumptions that were fairly accurate but this guy had a clean record and whatever evidence we could have found, was probably gone right now. We didn't know where these guys could be. We were just sitting ducks and if we didn't look out, we could be snatched up from a waiting predator, under the water.

I had a meeting with Madison's parents a few weeks ago. Her mom looked very nice with her gentle grey eyes-just like Madison's- and she was very short , but it was her dad who scared me. He stood about 7 ft tall and he had a full beard and cold black eyes. His voice, like Dean's, was just as deep but it had a sort of boom to it like thunder. He shook my hand with a tight grip and with that cold look in his eyes. Madison was with me too, and like I said before, a father cherishes their daughter, because he hugged her and refused to let go, and he actually shed a tear.

We had a talk about our current plan and soon I felt my heart drop. I didn't want to take her away from her parents. She was their only daughter and they didn't look so comfortable leaving their daughter with a boy. If I was a father, I probably would felt the same way.

They prayed for her safety and I sort of felt left out. They had so much unity. I love my mom but there are days, that I feel more weak than strong.

They cried too. A lot. They really didn't want to leave her but it was their only choice. If they keep her somewhere secluded, then she won't be found easily. This marriage, I had no idea how this would benefit us. I decided to ask my mom while she fixed my tux.

The tux was white but I had a rainbow shirt under it. It was stupid but it was a good stupid.

"Mom, what is this wedding going to do?" I asked

"It's going to help you." she said, briefly

"Help me? With what?"

"You'll see," she mumbled.

"Can't she get bodyguards or something?"

"I already told you Andre." Then she started chuckling. "Is the groom getting cold feet."

There are days I allow myself to to blush and today was the first.

"Every girl dreams of becoming married," she said. "Make it come true."
______________________________________________________________________________________________________

I never knew how a groom felt during a wedding until now. My legs started shaking when I saw her figure appear out of the walls of the garden and she started walking towards to me, bouquet in hand. Her face was covered but she still was beautiful. I now got the whole purpose of the tie because her dress matched with it.

When she finally got to me, I quickly grabbed her hand before she even let me take it. I could hear her chuckle but her father did give me a hard pat on the back.

As the ceremony went on, I couldn't pay attention to what the priest was saying. I was soon going to be with this girl. All I could feel was, love? Was it love?

We said our vows and I do's. Then the moment of truth came.

"And now I pronounce you, man and wife. You may kiss-"

I couldn't hold anything back. I already kissed her before he could finish. When I stopped, she looked at me and started blushing, so I kissed her again. Lord, forgive me.

Pictures were taken and we danced for the longest time. Her dad and brother kept a good eye on me but I didn't care. I had their beautiful girl around my arm.

Before the reception ended, Dean had me go outside with him.

"Andre, I'm surprised."

I chuckled. "Why?"

"I thought that you would back out of this. You don't usually commit to things."

"Well your sister is not a thing."

"So you're saying you're going to commit to her?"

I nodded and before I knew it, he had me face him and I could just smell the shrimp that we had coming from his mouth. Damn.

"Andre, I'm warning you. If you hurt her-"

"Dean, relax!" I snapped and then pushed me off of me. " I love Madison, okay. Just have faith in me. And you're saying it like you have never been a boy before."

"But I never got married."

You probably never will with your breath "Trust me. I got this."

"You better."
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.
-Nicki Minaj
  





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Sun Oct 30, 2011 5:20 pm
kaylamarie004 says...



I love this story. You actually interested me to reading the whole thing. The way you described how the man felt about his new wife was amazing and, your choice of words seemed very well thought out. I also liked that his affection towards his wife wasn't physical but admiring and filled with honor.
Sadly, there were some mistakes I noticed that brought this story down slightly. There were some words you doubled that took me off topic a bit too.


We had no evidence whatsoever. We only had assumptions that were fairly accurate but this guy had a clean record and whatever evidence we could have found, was probably gone right now. We didn't know where these guys could be. We were just sitting ducks and if we didn't look out, we could be snatched up from a waiting predator, under the water.


I think the last sentence to this paragraph could of been written in a different format that could of made it look better. Such as, not adding the comma after "we could be snatched up from a waiting predator". If you wouldn't have added that comma after those words, trust me it wouldn't have been missed.

If you review this yourself, you would see the mistakes that possibly other readers caught that you didn't. I believe you can overcome these little mistakes because it's a minor issue. However, if you ever tried to get this published, it would be denied and wouldn't look good on your part.

I hope you take my advice to consideration, and use it to make your stories better. I still love the story aside from the errors it has, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
- Kayla
  








Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life?
— Mary Oliver