This is the beginning of my second draft. I've been struggling a lot with this opening scene and so far I'm the most happy with this one although I'm not sure on the ending yet. Suggestions? Is it an effective opening? Do you feel for the MC (Cora) at all? Is the overall sense of loneliness/isolation coming off?
Please be harsh.
Thank you!
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1. Grey
November.
Loneliness. Good old Webster defines it as “being without company, cut off from others, sad from being alone”.
He almost has it right.
Loneliness, true loneliness, is an all-consuming, terrible, aching pain that never quite goes away. There is always something missing in your heart but you can never quite pinpoint what it is. Even if you spend time with friends, you can’t fully connect, there’s still something missing. As soon as you’re alone, it’s unbelievably painful to the point you want to cry, but you don’t even know what you’re crying about.
This is the level of loneliness I feel.
The five of us gathered at my friend Allen’s house for a night of junk food and movies. He popped three bags of popcorn, grabbed the jar of cookies off of the counter, the pop from the fridge and joined the rest of us in the living room.
Polly and Evan already claimed the couch to my right which sits in front of the glass wall that spans the length of the room. An indoor pool rests on the other side of the wall.
Harper was already lounged out on the couch to my left in front of the windows looking outside. This left me in an easy chair in the middle of the room facing a projector screen that covers most of the wall. Allen gave each of us a bowl of popcorn, pressed play on the DVD player, and joined Harper on the couch.
It used to be fun to hang out with these people. We used to laugh together, blast music in our cars and race all over town, sing at the top of our lungs, all of the things that best friends do. Then the best friends got boyfriends and the single friend became lame.
I am a pity invite. They don’t need to tell me, I know that it’s true. I’m the double third wheel. Who would want to hang out with them?
I grabbed a handful of popcorn and stared at the screen. I don’t know what we’re watching and I’m not particularly interested. Every time the five of us get together, we watch a movie. I’m getting really sick of movies.
I’m getting really sick of not talking to Harper and Polly. Whenever I look over at them to try, they’re too wrapped up in their boyfriend and cuddling and whispering to each other to pay me any attention. Would it be so hard to turn on the lights, turn off the movie and play a game or something with each other? I can’t imagine that this is all the four of them ever do together, I mean, what a boring relationship that would be. Would it be so hard to invite me to the fun stuff, or am I just too boring and stupid for that?
Something exploded on the screen and grabbed another handful of popcorn.
I honestly hate this.
I can’t decide which is worse, sitting in my living room on a Friday night knitting a hat and watching TV by myself, or sitting in someone else’s living room watching four people in love while I’m pitifully alone. Either way I still feel empty and alone and stupid and lonely. So lonely.
I finished my bowl of popcorn and settled into my chair. It’s a comfortable chair, very soft, the perfect amount of cushion. But what would it be like to share it with someone else? I glanced at Polly and Evan. They’re sitting next to each other cuddled up under a blanket and her head is resting on his shoulder. I glanced at Harper and Allen. She’s practically lying on top of him, the back of her head on his chest, his chin on the top of her head, and his arms wrapped around her.
Here I am, alone, my arms wrapped around my middle. I can almost pretend they belong to someone else. I can almost pretend that I’m not alone.
The four of them obviously do things without me because Harper and Polly have inside jokes without me and they reference events that I was not a part of, forgetting the fact that I’m still here, I can hear them, and I know I wasn’t included. I don’t know what to do. It’s almost as if there is a void between me and them, like they crossed some magical bridge into boyfriend-land and I’m stuck on the single side.
How do you tell your two best friends that you want things to go back to how they were last year when no one had a boyfriend, we all hung out together, and everyone was happy? How do I get over the fact that this is probably what life is going to be like now and my senior year is going to suck a little more than I anticipated?
The hot male hero kissed the love interest in the movie and I felt a pang in my chest. Why can’t life be as simple as a movie where you know that in the end, you’ll get your kiss and live happily ever after?
I glanced at Harper and Allen out of the corner of my eye. He lightly kissed her on the forehead and she sat up so he could turn off the movie when the credits began to roll. I glanced at Polly and Evan. With the movie no longer as a distraction, Evan tickled her and she let out a loud-pitched scream. Harper laughed from across the room and I tried to smile.
There’s a disconnect here. I don’t feel wanted by these people. I don’t feel like they care about me. I feel like I’m a piece of stagnant air. Happiness no longer seems to be a part of the equation. This numb sense of acceptance of my pitiful life will be the new norm.
Where are my friends? Where is my happiness? Where is my excitement for life? How did I become like this?
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