Young Writers Society

Hey everyone here is Chapter 2 to my story Draw Near To Me. I hope you all really like it.

Chapter 2

I went to my first period class, English. Just the thought of the word made me groan. Let me set something straight. I hate English! I hate my sarcastic teacher who detests me. I hate all the work and the subjective answers.

As I was sitting in my seat I didn’t hear one word the teacher said. My mind was far away. Well actually not that far. It was just over in the annex in Mr. Johnston’s room. I was jolted back into reality by my friend Celest.

“So how was your Christmas Break Allie?” Celest said in her usual chipper voice.

I was so shocked by being brought back to reality it took a second for me to respond. “It was ok, kinda long. I babysitted quite a bit and went to see my cousins in Houston. How about you?”

I pretended to listen to Celest’s stories but I couldn’t concentrate. I slowly slipped back into Never Never Land. Somehow between being out of it and pretending to listen to Celest my 55 minute first period passed sort of quickly.

I walked towards the ag building and the much awaited second period. I was almost out the door when I felt someone’s arm around my shoulder and heard “hello beautiful” in my ear.

I should have known it would be Jason but still, seeing his face just a few inches away from me still shocked me. I quickly recovered and responded “hey” as coolly as possible. Not creative but still something.

We walked over to the ag building in silence. He held both doors open for me like a perfect gentleman but instead of letting me go to my table he steered me towards his.

I looked up at him about to ask him why when he leaned down and whispered “I thought you could sit with me today.” He, of course, flashed his smile making my heart skip a beat and rendering me incapable of speech.

Jason pulled out my chair for me and I sat down. He walked over and grabbed both of our folders. When he handed me mine he flashed that smile again.

I murmured “thank you.” I was officially freaked out. What the heck was going on? I wanted to find out and soon!

Hello there.

I was jolted back into reality by my friend comma Celest.

I babysat quite a bit and went to see my cousins in Houston.

Somehow between being out of it and pretending to listen to Celest comma my 55 minute first period passed sort of quickly.

I should have known it would be Jason but still, seeing his face just a few inches away from mine was still shocking me

I took out the repetition of me, here. I think it sounds better.

Not creative but it still something.

This was an okay chapter, although I wish there was a little bit more substance to it. I like the emotions, though and the fact that it was short and sweet. I think that this is a little bit more what she should be feeling. I know that a girl would be excited and all, but you have to admit that it is a little weird that he seems interested in her all of a sudden.
Good job with this, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

-Other One

Hey thanks fot commenting I'm working on Chapter 3 I'll post it soon

Chapter 2

I went to my first period class, English. Just the thought of the word made me groan. Let me set something straight. I hate English! I hate my sarcastic teacher who detests me. I hate all the work and the subjective answers.

As I was sitting in my seat I didn’t hear one word the teacher said. My mind was far away. Well, actually not that far. It was just over in the annex in Mr. Johnston’s room. I was jolted back into reality by my friend Celest.

“So how was your Christmas Break Allie?” Celest said in her usual chipper voice.

I was so shocked by being brought back to reality that it took a second for me to respond. “It was okay, kinda long. I babysitted quite a bit and went to see my cousins in Houston. How about you?”

I pretended to listen to Celest’s stories, but I couldn’t concentrate. I slowly slipped back into Never Never Land. Somehow, between being out of it and pretending to listen to Celest, my 55 minute first period passed sort of quickly.

I walked towards the ag building and the much awaited second period.

I was almost out the door when I felt someone’s arm around my shoulder and heard “Hello beautiful” in my ear.

I should have known it would be Jason, but still, seeing his face just a few inches away from me still shocked me.

I quickly recovered and responded “Hey” as coolly as possible. Not creative, but still something.

We walked over to the ag building in silence. He held both doors open for me like a perfect gentleman but instead of letting me go to my table he steered me towards his.

I looked up at him, about to ask him why when he leaned down and whispered “I thought you could sit with me today.”

He, of course, flashed his smile making my heart skip a beat and rendering me incapable of speech.

Jason pulled out my chair for me and I sat down. He walked over and grabbed both of our folders. When he handed me mine he flashed that smile again.

I murmured “Thank you.” I was officially freaked out. What the heck was going on? I wanted to find out and soon!

You're a really good writer. I love it.

You just need to work on grammer, seperating your sentences, and capitalizing.

Just 1 thing to say... SHORT... for a chapter anyway.

Other then that, it was really good!
CassidyRose

OK, first off this chapter is REALLY short.
All in all the reader gets ingaged and wants to know more.
In my opinion, I would separate what the characters say from the paragraph. It helps the flow of the story.
Also, this chapter could have alot more added to it.

Keep Writting