Young Writers Society

The moment we entered the house, we were bombarded with questions from my parents. Apparently, they had been waiting patiently at home, the television still blasting in the next room.

“What got into you guys? You are so selfish, you can’t even conceive the thought that maybe your actions have to do with more than just the two of you.” My father’s voice boomed from the doorway that lead to the living room.

“John, please.” My mom put a hand on my father’s arm, and then walked to the kitchen, sitting down at the table. My dad gave us a hard look, and then turned around, following my mom. He gestured to us to sit down with them. We did, looking down at our hands in our lap. Ben, who was normally so brave when it came to our parents’ rage, didn’t seem to have the same courage he usually did. He was pale and he didn’t even have the guts to look at my parents’ grave faces.

“You know we searched for you everywhere and considered to call the police.” I nodded.

“And neither of you answered your cell phones. I thought we had agreed to buy you these stupid things so we could reach you in case of an emergency.” My dad reached out his hand, palm facing upwards. “Give them to me.”

“Mine didn’t have any battery left,” I argued. It wasn’t my fault, really. I couldn’t have known that I would not be home before a day when I walked out that morning with an almost empty battery.

“And I left mine in my locker at school.” Ben still searched his empty pockets to show them he really didn’t have his cell phone with him. I dropped mine in my dad’s waiting hand, his fingers wrapping around it until it disappeared completely. He put it in his pocket, meeting my indignant eyes.

“Maybe after this, you’ll make sure it’s always charged. I want yours first thing when you come back from school on Monday,” he said to Ben. “And as for the rest of the weekend, you guys are under house arrest. That means no friends are allowed inside, and you guys are obviously not allowed to go outside. Understood?” We nodded once again.

“Actually, make this house arrest thing last until next weekend. A day is obviously not enough. For what you’ve made us go through...” My mom added. “We don’t like to ground you, but this is serious, and we don’t want it to happen again.”

“We understand that, and we’re sorry." My parents nodded in unison.

“Now go,” my dad dismissed us, and got up, making his way back to the living room. We got up as well, making it to the top of the stairs before my mother’s voice came to us.

“Goodnight,” was all she said, but the tenderness in her voice made me smile in response.

I was about to close my door, but caught my brother’s eyes. They looked tired, but they still had that spark that I loved so much. Like he was still somehow happy, and he will always be, no matter what happened.

I guess it's going to be a silent night, I thought as I collapsed on my bed, closing my eyes. Then, my hand came down on my jeans pocket, searching for my phone. Of course, my father had it, so I couldn’t share the news with Rose… I got up reluctantly, turning on my computer sitting in the corner of my room. It had been ages since I had used it; I normally used my brother’s laptop. But I didn’t really have any choices, did I? Turned out Rose was online on Facebook, and I didn’t even bother to say ‘hi’ before explaining every aspect of our punishment.

Her answer came fast, and made me laugh.

Haha, it’s even worst then mine! You lucky bitch, you get to have your phone back in a week. -.-

Of course, her parents would ground her too. Mom had called her house late this afternoon, and explained what she had understood from our little escapade. They weren’t too happy to hear that we had dragged her with us. Liam’s parents were probably the only ones not concerned. He had told them pretty much everything about the werewolf pack, and even though I didn't know what their reactions were, they didn’t flip out either.

Is that it though? I typed and sent it. What I liked about Rose was that she never lost her optimism.

Yeah, a week without my phone. And I have to call in whenever I’m not home… Mom wants to know where I am at every hour of the day.

I guess it wasn’t that bad… But every parent had a different way of handling their problems.

Looks like we’ll have to communicate through fb now… I wrote, trying to change the topic. It would be better if we stopped crying over our reprimand, maybe that way, it would go by faster.

I like where it's going. It keeps me curious, I like how you didn't give away too much information just yet. Keep writing! I'm interested

Cliches, avoid them. This is good I haven't read the other chapters but you need to take care with your phrasing because it isn't unique, in general.

theotherone wrote:The moment we entered the house, we were bombarded with questions from my parents. Apparently, they had been waiting patiently at home, the television still blasting in the next room.

“What got into you guys? You are so selfish, you can’t even conceive the thought that maybe your actions have to do with more than just the two of you.” My father’s voice boomed from the doorway that lead to the living room.

“John, please.” My mom put a hand on my father’s arm, and then walked to the kitchen, sitting down at the table. My dad gave us a hard look, and then turned around, following my mom. He gestured to us to sit down with them. We did, looking down at our hands in our lap. Ben, who was normally so brave when it came to our parents’ rage, didn’t seem to have the same courage he usually did. He was pale and he didn’t even have the guts to look at my parents’ grave faces.

“You know we searched for you everywhere and considered to call the police.” I nodded.

“And neither of you answered your cell phones. I thought we had agreed to buy you these stupid things so we could reach you in case of an emergency.” My dad reached out his hand, palm facing upwards. “Give them to me.”

“Mine didn’t have any battery left,” I argued. It wasn’t my fault, really. I couldn’t have known that I would not be home before a day when I walked out that morning with an almost empty battery.

“And I left mine in my locker at school.” Ben still searched his empty pockets to show them he really didn’t have his cell phone with him. I dropped mine in my dad’s waiting hand, his fingers wrapping around it until it disappeared completely. He put it in his pocket, meeting my indignant eyes.

“Maybe after this, you’ll make sure it’s always charged. I want yours first thing when you come back from school on Monday,” he said to Ben. “And as for the rest of the weekend, you guys are under house arrest. That means no friends are allowed inside, and you guys are obviously not allowed to go outside. Understood?” We nodded once again.

“Actually, make this house arrest thing last until next weekend. A day is obviously not enough. For what you’ve made us go through...” My mom added. Her eyes were shining with the hint of water(this is really awkward). “We don’t like to ground you, but this is serious, and we don’t want it to happen again.”

“We understand that, and we’re sorry,” Ben apologized(We read what he said, we know he apologised. My parents nodded in unison.

“Now go,” my dad dismissed us, and got up, making his way back to the living room. We got up as well, making it to the top of the stairs before my mother’s voice came to us.

“Goodnight,” was all she said, but the tenderness in her voice made me smile in response.

I was about to close my door, but caught my brother’s eyes. They looked tired, but they still had that spark that I loved so much. Like he was still somehow happy, and he will always be, no matter what happened.

I guess it's going to be a silent night, I thought as I collapsed on my bed, closing my eyes. Then, my hand came down on my jeans pocket, searching for my phone. Of course, my father had it, so I couldn’t share the news with Rose… I got up reluctantly, turning on my computer sitting in the corner of my room. It had been ages since I had used it; I normally used my brother’s laptop. But I didn’t really have any choices, did I? Turned out Rose was online on Facebook, and I didn’t even bother to say ‘hi’ before explaining every aspect of our punishment.

Her answer came fast, and made me laugh.

Haha, it’s even worst then mine! You lucky bitch, you get to have your phone back in a week. -.-

Of course, her parents would ground her too. Mom had called her house late this afternoon, and explained what she had understood from our little escapade. They weren’t too happy to hear that we had dragged her with us. Liam’s parents were probably the only ones not concerned. He had told them pretty much everything about the werewolf pack, and even though I didn't know what their reactions were, they didn’t flip out either.

Is that it though? I typed and sent it. What I liked about Rose was that she never lost her optimism.

Yeah, a week without my phone. And I have to call in whenever I’m not home… Mom wants to know where I am at every hour of the day.

I guess it wasn’t that bad… But every parent had a different way of handling their problems.

Looks like we’ll have to communicate through fb now… I wrote, trying to change the topic. It would be better if we stopped crying over our reprimand, maybe that way, it would go by faster.

Okay so the writing is good, change all the bold parts and you will be grand. As a writer you owe it to your readers to be original and authentic, to find new ways to say things, original ways that make people imagine, rather than the worn old ways that they have read so much they've forgotten the image all together.

hope that helps,

JP

I liked this! I haven't read the other chapters, but this one was pretty good. What was going on with the characters and the werewolves..? I know you must've explained that in other chapters, but I was just wondering. I think this could be a good novel. I do have one nitpick, though:

Looks like we’ll have to communicate through fb now… I wrote, trying to change the topic. It would be better if we stopped crying over our reprimand, maybe that way, it would go by faster.

To me, that sounds obvious and, I don't know, not quite right. Honestly, it sounds like something I would write! Which isn't a bad thing; it doesn't make either of us bad writers, but it is the thing I am most focused on changing in my writing right now. It might fit perfectly, depending how the next chapter starts, I don't know... I just thought I'd point it out.
All in all, good work! I'd be interested in maybe reading more when I have free time. Keep going! And let me know if you want anyone to talk to; I just finished my first novel, and it was HARD. So I might be able to sympathize, lol!