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Okay so this part confused me. The first line of dialogue is the father, and the last is the gunman, but who is the line in the middle. It would make more sense for it to be the gunman than the father, but the formating makes it confusing. Try,"H-Here, this is all I have." said my father in a shaky voice, I noticed his hands were trembling as he passed the man the two one-hundred dollar bills.
"You have got to be kidding."
"Are you sure this is all you have?"
Or something to that effect."H-Here, this is all I have." said my father in a shaky voice, I noticed his hands were trembling as he passed the man the two one-hundred dollar bills.
"You have got to be kidding," scoffed the gunman, rolling his eyes, "are you sure this is all you have?"
The only thing was that I think you should eliminate the space between the two paragraphs. Seeing as how it was relevant, it should not have been seperated. The LAST thing I promise: work on your dialogue. "He said, she said, I thought." It gets the point across, but it kind of makes it bland. Try words like exclaimed and scoffed, etc to liven it up. Other than that stuff this was great and I absolutely loved it! Please write more!While he was doing that I took a good look at this stranger, he was a fairly tall man, about six-two. His shoulders were broad and he seemed extremely fit, fit enough to crush my dad's skull. Yet I noticed he had no weapon, He just stood by my father's window calmly, not even flinching.
And a black bandana was covering half of his face.
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