Young Writers Society

Please help me out with this chapter. I really don't like it. It seems like I used it as a filler and it's not really that exciting. Plus it's super short. With that being said, review away. Thanks in advance!



The only sound coming from the dining room was that of metal utensils scraping across plates. Cody and Leslie both ate in silence, ignoring the fact that their stomach’s were about to explode. The master was sitting at the head of the table, not touching any of his food. He was staring at both of them intently.

The table was long and covered with a blue tablecloth. Almost every type of food imaginable lay in front of them. There was ham, turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, apples and all sorts of desserts. If Cody hadn’t eaten already, his stomach would’ve appreciated the buffet style meal.

Leslie sat awkwardly, cutting up her food, trying to keep the long sleeves of her dress out of the gravy. It was a tough task and took a lot of concentration. She felt the man’s gaze on her from across the table. She refused to look up and make eye contact.

Cody sat across from her, politely stuffing his face with food. He looked up and matched Leslie’s gaze, smiling slightly.

“Excuse me for asking, but I never caught your name.” Cody said to the man. Leslie looked up from her food, wanting to see what his reaction would be.

He slowly turned his head to face Cody and said, “You may call me Sebastian. That is all.”

Cody nodded. “So, how long have you lived here, Sebastian?”

“It’s been a while,” he responded, drawing out each word. “I do not remember exactly the amount of years.”

Cody nodded and went back to his food. He took another small bite of turkey and then put it down. He couldn’t eat another bite.

He was about to ask Sebastian another question, but a loud boom filled the castle.

Sebastian jumped up and announced, “Dinner is finished,” before he ran from the room. Leslie gave Cody a look and he shrugged.

“This place is getting weirder by the minute,” Cody said. “Now what do you think we ought to do?”

“I really want to look around,” Leslie responded as she got up. “Maybe if we explore, we can find answers.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Cody said. He knew that if Sebastian caught them wandering around, they would be in trouble.

Leslie smiled. “You’re so lame. Let’s go!” she grabbed his hand and dragged him deeper into the castle.

Hello! thank you for reviewing my story
ton return the favour:
I have not read the other chapters of this story, but i actually think that this chapter is written welleven if you said you didnt like it.
Im not to sure what is going on, and i understand your feeling that it is a filler, mayube you could include more questions to sebastion before the bang, make it like a character enhancing chapter.
Here are my two things for you, instread of simply listing the foods, maybe tell me there were carrots codes favourite food or something like that, i can imagine tonnes of food in a buffet stuyle setting, but learning favourite foods or hated foods adds more of a connection to the character.
And secondly, why did lesliwe feel uncomftable? was he making her feel like prey, did she not like the man? why did her dress have long sleeves, maybe its just how i like to read but i think there is just a ,little more discription needed. Otherwise, excellent job, looking forward to reading backwards and forwards

Noelle, i think it was a great chapter! True, it is short but it adds to the suspense to story and makes the reader want to read more! However i thought that you could use a different verb than 'Lame' in the last sentence to make it sound better. One way you could improve this story is to give the reader an insight to the character of Sebastion even if the reader has to infer. Don't worry though, i love the plot so far and i want to read more.
Thanks for notifying me about this.