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Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:20 am
TalkinToMyself says...



Chapter One
The feeling was mutual. I didn’t like him and he never liked me. I looked up from my seat to see him walk down the aisle slowly. His shoulders were slouched, as always and he had that idiotic smile written across his face. He knew that he would get away with what he did. Being late to class isn’t an exception but for Harry Nicolson, it’s all good. Mrs. Linda came hustling down the aisle about to yell when she notice who it was….
"Why; darling, so you've decided to join us?"
"Sorry about that, teach, I had some business at the office and I just had to do." He flashed her, a joking smile and that was it for the teacher. SHE was toast.
"Oh that’s quite alright. Just take your seat please." He walked so confidently and had to pull the seat next to me.
"Hi." he whispered, I ignored him and looked at the board to come across some easy equations, something that would be a “challenge” for Harry.
By the time the bell rang, I had finished tonight’s homework and studied for my history quiz I’m having next period. I walked out briskly so I didn’t have to see Harry, but then I got tackled by the masses of geeks and popular and my chance to be on time to class was down the drain. I had to rush to class and almost got a tardy; Mrs. Linda gave me death stares all the way till' I reach my chair. It wobbles a little and then before I knew it, I was on the floor with my books scattered everywhere. I look up to see Harry and his gang burst into laughter and just behind him his girlfriend holds up a wrench, "Clumsy, much Lilly?" I was beet red as i gathered my things and asked for another chair. I didn’t understand why Amy (Harry's girlfriend) didn’t like me. I mean I wasn’t that much of a tool. We even used to be best friends. USED to be, that is. I blamed Harry for all of this, Amy would never have been turned into the bitch she is, without Harry's influence. I still remember all those times we used to go out near the peer and watch the sun set but now, she cares about nothing unless it has to do with Harry. I looked up to see her laugh at me and I thought that maybe I might see a glimpse of what used to be our friendship but all I saw was a monster.
I sat down; suddenly having an interest with the shoes I was wearing. I silently hoped that I could be left alone till the bell and my wish came true. Right when the bell rang, Amy came up to me and looked me up and down. She walked a little closer, our breaths were hitting each other’s faces, and, “I don’t know why Harry talks about you so often. You're worthless." She steered away leaving me in shock. Harry thinks of me? I shook that thought away; Amy’s messing with me, that’s it! I don’t know why she bothers to lie about anything that has to do with Harry; his life is one fat lie. He acts all smart but his father is the smart one, paying his son’s way into school and throughout school. I don’t believe Harry actually does any of the homework at all; rumor has it that he pays tutors to do it. Well sometimes rumors are rumors; I’m just saying that Henry isn’t smart on his own terms, end of story. I walked down the empty hallway; the jumbles of teenage masses were in the cafeteria, only the smokers were in the halls. You can tell, with the ragged hair and dark circles under their eyes, you can easily pick out the smokers but, let’s just say the teachers here are not so bright. After teaching us and lecturing for hours about all the symptoms of smoking, they still can’t figure out the smokers in the school; only that there seems to be an abundance of smelly smoke fumes in the classes. I rushed to enter my combo into my locker and get out as fast as I can.
I walked slowly into the cafeteria; I’m not too fond of going in there because of the chaos that erupts there. I peer in and was relieved when I saw my only and truly best friend Katie sitting at our table. I scoped the place out as I saw some freshies or freshman; they all have the same anxious face expressions and are all bundled up next to each other. I hurried to Katie ignoring the snickers from Henry’s table. Katie was reading, as always, she wore her usual apparel, shirt and jeans. She had on her thick glasses again; I guess she lost her contacts for the fifth time. I didn’t interrupt her as she read; it’s best to wait it out. I took out my lunch and ate quietly, finally she looks up and nods at my cupcake, “You want?” I sighed and pushed it toward her as I explained what happened earlier this morning; we don’t have the same schedule, but we did last year. Through a series of muffles, she swallowed all her food and looked at me, “Henry is just a piece jerky, and Amy is a no good fish monger.” Katie doesn’t like to use cuss words but, for me, it’s necessary to live.
“Well I don’t think it’s necessary for Amy to act like a bitchy she-monster all the time.”
“Well it’s not necessary for you to cuss half the time.” Katie pointed out. I just rolled my eyes and shrugged that last comment off. I rolled up my foil and threw it into the trashcan, making a perfect three pointer.
“You should really join the girls’ basketball team.”
“I can’t, you know Amy’s the team captain.” Most schools, the popular girls are in the cheerleading squad but, here, its basketball. Of course like every cliché, Amy, the most popular of us all, is the captain of the team. I didn’t want to deal with all that crap; my parents were pretty let down when I didn’t decide to join the team. I used to be in the team in every grade that had them, but, after moving over here; I decided not to join the basketball team. Last year, things didn’t go to well and I don’t think I can even step onto the court. But, I can’t explain that to Katie, it’s too painful. The bells ring and the crowds of kids scramble to their next class. I pick up my backpack that weighs a hundred pounds and wave Katie goodbye. The day came to a screeching halt as I left the school after six periods of pure hell, I walked home slowly, not eager to get home exactly. Strolling, I come across a three story building that looked like it came out of a house magazine, yep, that’s my house. My parents sit there reading the latest book of the Twilight series. You see, my parents are normal, high society parents that wish for their kid or kids to succeed and grow. I used to be one of those prep girls that everyone looked up to and such, but I changed and so the world of popular closed on me. My mom, Scarlet Heatherway looked up from her book and smiled her white gleaming teeth at me,” Hi sweetie, how was school?” My father looked up too, after finishing the page and smiled, my father was a doctor and my mom was an artist and most of the time they stayed home.
“Oh, school was fine, mom, I’m going up to my room and do my homework okay?”
“Don’t miss dinner okay? Don’t overwork yourself too.” My father tried to sound stern when he said that but, he only showed that he is immensely proud. I used to party all the time and come back home wasted but, now I’m studying and I’m always home all the time. I never want to be like I did before, hanging with the wrong crowd and with the wrong boys…
I hate my alarm clock like any teenager… the annoying sound wakes me up and gives me a headache that last till’ second period. Pulling my sheets over my head, I think two more minutes, but, I got up and took a shower anyways. I made my way down, feeling like I had a hangover; I studied long into the night trying to make sense of Calculus for the hundredth time. I know I can just ask Katie for help but, I don’t want to weigh her down. Katie comes from a family of musicians; her father was a cello player and her mother was a violinist. Her brother is in a full scholarship program for gifted kids (he plays the guitar) and Katie, herself, is a pianist with utmost grace. Not only is she talented, she also very popular and has straights A’s, why she puts up with me is a wonder indeed. I grabbed a bagel and rushed out the door as my parents waved goodbye from the porch. I made it just in time for the bell to ring as I leap into homeroom. No one is worth talking to in homeroom except maybe Danny Stell. He sits near me and is a decent as anyone is going to get around here.
“What’s up with you, you looked stoned…” I turn to see Danny leaning over my desk. You see, he sits right in front of me and we talk sometimes so this was him being him.
“I stayed up late trying to escape math hell.”
“You too? Maybe we should study together. You, I and Katie should meet up sometime.” I look at Danny with his goofy smile and I laugh, “Study, are you sure that’s what you’re going to do? You aren’t going to make goo goo eyes at Katie?”
“Err… you got it all wrong,” He waves his hands in the air, almost apologetically, “Trust me, I don’t like Katie like that.”
“Pshhhh… Sure, whatever you say.” I wasn’t going to give in to his white lies that easily but, I grew tired of this banter. The bell successfully concluded our conversation for us; I picked up my backpack and nodded to Danny, “Laters.” I walked to my next class dreading every step. Why, you may ask? One certain person, who makes me, wants to puke, Harry Nicolson. The first time I saw Harry was in first grade, it was a snowy winter much more than the town of Hamilton can handle. There I was, with my cute hat and matching mittens singing tunes from the old show Scooby Doo. I skipped down Acres Road on my way back home and stumble upon a boy crying. His white, porcelain face, blend in with small snowflakes falling on his face made me think he was an angel. “Are you okay?” I handed him my hand and he turned away.
“I don’t know where my mama is, where is she?” I looked at him and I giggled.
“I’ll help you find her okay?” He smiled a little and wiped his tears away.
“If you find my mama, you can be my wife.” That little sentence I swear will curse me forever. In the end, I did find his mom; I never saw him again, until now that is. Somehow I thought he would still remember his promise but, no luck. I didn’t even want to try, the next time I saw him was when he was smoking outside In-n-out and that ultimately changed my outlook on him. I guess people do change and things never stay the same, walking into class, sitting in my seat I ponder that for a moment. I hear a screech coming from the chair next to me and who could it be, but, the marvelous Harry. “Don’t you have someone else to harass today?”
“Nope, just you and me baby.” He winks and then takes out his notes from yesterday written all neat. I also notice that it isn't his hand-writing.
“Don't call me baby, and do me a favor and get out of my face. Don’t you want to sit on your girlfriend’s lap instead? Shes practically spewing out foam out of her mouth from you being here.”
“Shes not my girlfriend and oh, so you've noticed? Jealous?” He does his signature crooked smile and waggling eyebrows and deep inside my feelings are at war with my attraction and hatred for him.
“Yes, I’m super jealous,” I got in real close, my face up next to his, I swear I thought he was blushing, “just kidding.” I smirked as I saw his face expression; finally I just shut Harry up. Class was actually enjoyable because of fidgeting that Harry had going on and he was constantly staring at me. Our lab was pretty easy so I had no trouble finishing it, without Harry’s help. While I was cleaning the beakers, there was a moment that our hands touch the beaker at the same time and then just like that; I felt like I was plummeting towards a whole that had no end, I was on the floor and so was he.
Spoken like a True Weirdo
  





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Sun Oct 30, 2011 12:09 am
AngelKnight900 says...



Okay, I'm going to start with the negatives. Sorry to say but it's better. I think it's a little wordy and you didn't put much explanation in there. Also, it was just bland. You kind of explained everything. You should have let her life be stretched out throughout the story. It's good to let the reader guess everything. You're also lacking some description here and your character is being a little boring. I don't want to know her because she doesn't seem so interesting. There were also a few spelling mistakes that you need to look over. Now, onto the positives.

You got a good story here and I like the end because it managed to catch my curiosity. I'm interested in what's going to happen with your character and that's all I can say.

I would look over this and try improving. Good luck and keep writing. :)
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.
-Nicki Minaj
  





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Fri Nov 04, 2011 8:28 pm
TalkinToMyself says...



thank you sooo much ^^
Spoken like a True Weirdo
  








Just think happy thoughts and you'll fly.
— Peter Pan