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CinderAllen. Chapter 2.



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Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:37 am
Dragongirl says...



Next chapter. :)

Chapter 2.


Three years later.

“Allen, I need you to pick me up some flowers for Stacy.”

I glanced up from the hood of the Buick I was waxing to see my stepbrother, Trevor walk in to the garage. The same age as me, he was a head shorted than my own 6’1”.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked, continuing to polish the car. Trevor shoved his hands deep in the pockets of his white suit and sauntered over to the tool bench.

“I made her mad.” He picked up a dart for the bench and flicked it at the dartboard. It missed. “You know how Stacy is.” He turned back to me. “She gets worked up over nothing.” Catching sight of his reflection in a hub cap hang on the wall, he made his way over to it. “You think she would be grateful to have me as her boyfriend.”

“And yet still you return and grovel at her feet.” I said applying more wax. “Why are you even bothering to try and get her back? I mean, we both know the girls are practically breaking down your door.” I added sarcastically.

Trevor just sniffed. “Laugh if you like, but I don’t see them lining up for you either and they’re not going to with that ridiculous ponytail you insisted on keeping.” He smiled at his self in the surface of the hubcap checking his teeth. “Not that they would be anyway, I don’t think they dig the grease-up-to-the-elbows look.” He gave me a critical glare, and I snorted.

“And let’s not forget how much spare time I have on my hands.” I said sarcasm thick in my voice. “Speaking of which, you think you get some one else to pick up your girl’s roses? As you can see, Brent has me waxing and giving his car a tune up and I’m a little busy.”

“I suppose you’re right, dating doesn’t really fit in to your schedule.” He grinned snarkly, before go back to fixing his brown curly hair in the hubcap. “But I think you’ll be able to make time to get those flowers for me.” His voice was cold and smug. “Anyway back to girls, I need a date for the birthday party the new neighbors are have for their daughter, and Stacy is the only one I can get short notice. So,” He gave his hair one last pat and headed for the door. “don’t forget those roses.” He paused when he reached it. “Oh and by the way, tell Benjamin to have the limo around front at 6:00.”

He left and as I watched him go, a sour tasted heavy in my mouth. Frustrated, I tossed the rag I’d been use across the hood of the Buick. The rag slid across the smooth metal and slipped to the floor. For a moment I let it lay there, my fists clenched. Then with a sigh I slowly uncurled my fingers. Walking over to the rag, I bent, picked it up and began to wax the car.



After I finished composing a heart felt note of apology from ‘Trevor’ to go with the dozen white roses I’d ordered, I set off to look for Ben. I found him coming out of the kitchen, a huge grin peeking out from beneath a carefully groomed mustache as he tugged his cap back on over a bush of red hair. Seeing me, his smile grew wider.

“Allen, my man, I was just on my way to find you.” He boomed, his voice warm and strong. Gripping my hand, he gave me a slap on the back. “You’ll never guess what I have to tell you.” He smoothed his mustache with his thumb and forefinger, a glint in his eyes.

I rubbed my chin. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain lady who works as the Cook’s assistant by the name of Mary, who you’ve had a crush on for the time she started work here two years ago and the fact the you just came out of the kitchen? Would it?”

Ben gave me a scowl, pulled off his cap and swatting me with it before laughing. “That’s the one and for your information I have dinner plans with her this evening.” He looked ready to burst.

I thudded him on the arm. “Good for you, I just hope you’re not planning to cook for her. Because the last time I ate y-” I trailed off as something Ben said registering. “Wait, did you say tonight?” I asked, my smile falling from my lips.

“At 6:00. Why do you- ah no tell me it isn’t so Allen,” He said reading my expression and piecing it together. “What time?” He asked with a sort of last hope desperation.

“Trevor said to have the limousine ready at 6:00.” I told him with sympathy.

“Dang.” Ben growled, punching his hat before slamming it back on to his head and tugging the brim low. “I guess I better go cancel with Mary.” His shoulders slumped slightly and he turned back towards the kitchen.

A sudden thought hit me and I grabbed his shoulder.
“Hold on Ben, I have an idea.”



Chapter 3. viewtopic.php?f=363&t=90941

Chapter 1. viewtopic.php?f=363&t=90883
Last edited by Dragongirl on Sat Jan 28, 2012 3:52 pm, edited 4 times in total.
"Every writer I know has trouble writing." - Joseph Heller

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Mon Nov 28, 2011 1:07 am
hudz96 says...



GRRRRR i love this but you deleted the other parts :( my heart is breaking
I really like the way you write, but maybe before you start on chapter two you could write something like "5 days later and so and so's house" and when you introduced Trevor maybe you should think of describing the person in a little more detail.
But i love it so far, pliz buz me when your done with the other parts.
Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
  





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Mon Nov 28, 2011 3:18 am
Leahweird says...



I think you misspelled "buick" and "sigh" in the last paragraph before the break. Otherwise I have no comments, except to point out your awesomeness.
  





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Mon Nov 28, 2011 3:41 am
HibiscusBlush says...



Hi Dragongirl!

I really love this clever and modern twist to the Cinderella story and you painted good, vivid scenes here emphasizing on the characters realistic mannorisms. Which is Brilliant! I like all of the characters - its a real fun read. Keep more coming, I'm excited to see the story to the end. =)
Previously known as Aloha
  





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Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:36 am
CsJ93 says...



I love your title CinderAllen. It's really cute! Keep on coming with these chapters!
  








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