We introduced the origin of Damen Tolbert as the superhero, 3-Damentional from Chicago. He has the power to alter reality. And he's harder; better, faster, stronger, gooder looking, and a whole lot nicer than you'll ever be! *sticks tong out at reader* So now that the immaturity has started, there's no turning back now. Let’s get on with the series...
South Side Scuffle
Today has been a long, hard day for young master Damen. With tests in every class (including lunch), three and a half fire alarms pulled, and the loss of his left sock, the day has generally been bad for him. To top it all off, he had to miss band practice so he could do driving range. There was one available car so he didn't even get a chance to drive and merely wasted his time. If he had to sum it all up into one word, he would say that it sucked.
After getting off the bus, which he had to pay his last two dollars for, he spots a way to express his anger and frustration. He plans to hurt the kind of person he hates the most. What he happened to see was a drug dealer. This one happened to be named Patookie. Damen had never personally met or even seen Patookie but is reputation precedes him. He is known for his entourage of mindless brutes, ridiculous proverbs, signature snow globe, having the best products, and for having "special powers". But it would be unjust for 3-Damentional to kick his ass without proof.
Without proof of drug dealing and/or having, Damen just goes home and goes to bed after a long day. Wait! No, no, no! He's not getting off that easy! Pause. Rewind. Play. Damen goes home so that he can get all of his other business out of the way. Now done with everything else, Damen uses the cube to transform into 3-Damentional. He flies out to watch Patookie
do illegal things.
Like most drug dealers, Patookie didn't exactly get a customer every minute. He got real frustrated just listening to Patokie’s little philosophies and proverbs that sounded just plain retarded. His posse drank it in like he was George Bush and they were military generals. They were either too afraid to ask questions or just too stupid to understand how dumb Patookie sounded. Such theories included, "Green is not a real color. The government created it in 1942 when the mole men threatened the surface and we needed a secret weapon to keep them away. That whole blue plus yellow is a bunch of bull." Other quotes included, "I dropped out of eighth grade at the tender age of sixteen because Mohammad Ali told me not to be taught by a white man's curi-... curicul-... teachings. Y'all know what I mean!"
3-Damentional waited, listening to this garbage, for at least an hour before his anger, due to lack of action, rose over the top. He decided to take care of some of the other drug dealers. He went to a neighborhood called the Mile High Hood. It got its name from the constant smell of weed that would get anyone high that walked through. Another distinct fact about this hood is that there are drug dealers on literally every corner. The police don't do anything because there is at least one sniper per dealer.
Unlike Patookie, these guys offer drugs like bootleg CDs. They'd approach anybody who walked past. They offer every type of marijuana there is... even stuff that doesn't exist. One dealer asked a boy on a tricycle if he wanted some fluorescent weed (apparently weed that makes your insides light up) for $3 and a Reese's cup. Now that I thought of it, it probably exists. And what was a little boy doing out at 10:30pm anyway? Now isn't the time for questions, 3-Damentional thought, Now is the time for action!
To protect himself from the marijuana-laced atmosphere, 3-Damentional created an invisible bubble of sober air around himself. He put on his night eyes so that he could see the snipers. He silently flew over each one, turning their guns into random objects such as prosthetic limbs, orange juice, photo paper, toy guns, etc.(which, by the way, don't make very good long range weapons). He brought out Theo, the hunchigun, to have his fun with them until he got back. It's not that he was scared of being shot or anything. He's just one of those weird people that don't like to be shot at.
Here comes the second course of the evening; he dealers of Mile High Hood. 3-Damentional flew down to the middle of the hood, created a giant 20ft. speaker with a microphone attached to it, and yelled, “Every drug dealer and/or gangster and/or person with a gun or if you've broken the law between the hours of 6am and 6pm last Monday, you are under arrest!" Within seconds, everyone that fit the profile or just had the balls to step up, showed up. When they got there, they saw his costume/ armor/ superhero suit thing and were bewildered. One of them asked, "Aye, G. Who is u 'spozed to be bein' up in dis piece?" 3-Damentional answered," Well, my illiterate friend, I be bein' da G dats gon' whoop yo-."
His sentence off by gun fire. His patience was thin and wanted to make a statement in this hood. Normally, he would have turned the bullets into gummy bears but he decided to show off his armor. 3-Damentional let the bullets hit the special metal he created called tertolium. It can't change temperature, it absorbs shock, it doesn't conduct electricity, it's harder than diamonds, and is extremely light-weight. Unfortunately though, his armor didn’t' get much of a test run because of the poor aiming skills of the law breakers. Most of them actually shot each other by accident. There were fifty-eight of them at first. Only seven of the 696 bullets actually hit the armor. In the end, only nine of them still stood unharmed. The shot thugs were either wounded or dying. With the rest of 3-Damentional's aggression, he put his staff to work on the remaining nine. He healed the wounded and hung them all in a net, Spider-man style, to a street light after Theo threw down the snipers. With that, he used one of their cell phones to call the police. He spent a half an hour explaining to them that the snipers were neutralized. He left a note that said, "Check our pockets! We have drugs! (especially fluorescent weed) Arrest us please.
Thank you!", and flew off.
3-Damentional went back to check on Patookie. He was in luck because Patookie was making a "transaction" right when he got there. 3-Damentional dove in, stick first (no homo) and beat the hell out of Patokie’s posse. The only ones left conscience were 3-Damentional and Patookie himself. Patookie shook his signature snow globe at him. Soon after, 3-Damentional slipped into a world of swirling colors and the candy man song from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. All of a sudden the voice of Patookie seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He seemed to be explaining what was going on.
"Every other day, a new drug comes out on the market. I used to be late on all the new stuff. But one day a gypsy gave me this snow globe and said that it would fix my problem. It lets me give my customers a taste of the new product. Y'know... makes them think that they're high. When I take it away, they want it more than usual and I can overcharge. Right now, I can make you see, feel, hear, smell, and taste anything I want to. Blah. Blah. Blah....."
That's all 3-Damentional needed to hear before he grew tired of Patokie’s voice again. After engaging in fierce battle with the lime-green panda, he thought about what Patookie said. He only thinks that he's in Mickey Mouse's house. This was an easy obstacle to get over because he just spent months training and learning to control his mind. He concentrated so that he could isolate Patokie’s voice. Once that was done, he walked up to Patookie and punched him in the face. The hallucination ceased as soon a Patookie was out. 3-Damentional put him with the rest of the dealers in Mile High Hood and smashed the snow globe. He then went home, went to sleep, and dreamed of dancing gummy bears. Who knew that a day with such a bad beginning would have such a great ending.
In the next episode... 3-Damentional meets The Gray Neutron!!!
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