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Genisis - Chapter 1



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Sun May 13, 2007 6:37 pm
Archae says...



So, here's chapter one of my story so far. Critisism = Love! ^_^

Chapter 1

The human mind is so fragile. The simplest of things can shatter it; break it into tiny pieces that can be easily disposed of. But the mind can also be a powerful tool of destruction, especially in the right hands…


That was where the dream ended. It had been a very peculiar dream, and Leo wondered if he even been asleep when he experienced it. There was nobody in the dream, just that voice. That voice that sounded so horribly familiar, although it was impossible to tell whom it really belonged to. But as soon as the dream had started, it was all over.

He tried to open his eye's, but found he could only open his left, as the other had been forced shut and covered with some sort of patch. Where was he? He tried to clear his mind, then realised that his location wasn’t the problem. Who was he? He couldn’t recall anything of a past life, if he even had one. He knew his name, but that was all. Rubbing his eye vigorously he looked at his surroundings. He was in what looked like a hospital ward, laying face up on a bed that was far too small for him. To the left of the room were several glass windows that allowed him to see into the corridor, giving him quick glimpses of people walking past his room but not paying any attention to him. At his side was a strange machine, which had a red liquid pulsing through some transparent tubes. Blinking, Leo followed one of these tubes with his eye, and noticed that it was attached to his wrist. He looked a little closer, and suddenly realised that the red liquid was his blood.

He panicked, feeling as though he was a prisoner locked forever in a cell only five metres wide. At once he tried to rip the patch which covered his right eye off, but found something even more disturbing when he reached up. It wasn’t just his eye that was covered; half of his head had been wrapped up too! As he felt the fear coursing through him, a sudden sound made him jump. A very loud, high-pitched beeping was slicing through the air, making Leo’s hair stand on end. No matter how much he willed the sound refused to stop! He grunted, and tried to cover his ears with both hands, but even that didn’t stop him hearing the sound. The ear splitting sound was pounding into him, and it felt as if his head was about to explode.

Only a few seconds later the door to the left burst open, and a very short plump woman marched inside. She was wearing a strange uniform, and her face gave off the impression that Leo had done something wrong.

“Ah, you’re awake.” She muttered, ignoring Leo’s panic stricken face. She waddled casually across the room and roughly opened a flowery pair of curtains. Light flooded into the ward, and Leo was forced to close his eye once again, trying to protect his pupil from the sun’s glare. The plump woman was now fiddling with the machine next to him, and almost instantly the ear-splitting sound stopped.

“You’re very lucky to be alive you know.” She barked in a heavily Scottish accent, now moving things around the room and acting as if Leo wasn’t there. His head hit the pillow, trying to process everything that was happening. Who was he? All he could remember was his name, but that was it. As far as he knew he had no past life, no family and no idea where he was.

“Just because you’re in a hospital ward doesn’t give you the right to stay silent! Talk to me boy!” The woman snapped, her arms crossed. Leo sat up again, and asked the obvious most question that came to mind.

“What happened?” His voice was dry, and was barely audible, as if he had never used it before. He coughed after speaking, and almost instantly the short woman shoved a plastic cup of water in his hand.

“We were hoping you could tell us! Found you all tangled up in the trees, bleedin’ something dreadful! Very lucky we got you here in time!” As she spoke her lips curled, so they seemed to brush up against the bottom of her eyes.

Leo tried to cast his mind back, but once again he couldn’t find anything. He really had no idea what had happened in the past, if anything.

“Where am I?” Where the only words he could manage to say, before the Woman’s face contorted.

“I’m not here to answer your questions! The doctor will be along shortly for that!” And without another word, her huge legs carried her out of the ward, the door slamming behind her. The only sounds that were audible now were the sound of the birds outside, which making a considerable racket.

Leo continued to stare at the closed door, lost in his own thoughts. To his right a luminous mirror hung off the wall, giving him a full view of himself. His hair was a brown, with a hint of gold around the sides. His fourteen year old figure was covered in bandages, patches and plasters, although these were dwarfed by the strap the covered half his head. He needed some kind of explanation to everything; who was he? Why was he here? Why didn’t he have any memory of his past? Did he even have a past? The questions popped into his mind so fast he could hardly remember all of them. He fell back; letting his head hit the soft pillow as he groaned his frustration to himself. He needed answers, so desperately now. Even as he felt his left eye close he could feel hope oozing out of him. He placed the cup of water to the side, despite how thirsty he was, and closed his eye, waiting patiently for something to happen.

There was a sudden thud, and Leo felt his heart jump. He looked back at the door, and saw a new figure standing there, a very strong and dominant posture about him. He looked fairly old, and the first signs of grey hair were clearly visible just above his forehead. He wore a perfectly white coat, without a single imperfection on it. As he entered the room Leo suddenly felt a sense of shock, and wondered if he had just been asleep.

“Glad to see you’re up, you had quite a tumble in the forest.” He said, speaking in a very posh and loud voice, as if he were speaking to a group of people rather than just one. As he strolled into the room he held up a small board, the size of a piece of A4 paper, and began writing something on it with a very large pen.

The man yawned, covering his mouth with a very wrinkly fist, and placing his pen in one of his trouser pockets. Looking over the board in his hand and muttering something under his breath.

“Well young man, you’re very lucky to be alive.” He informed him, taking a seat at the end of Leo’s bed.

Leo shifted, once again rubbing the bandage covering his head and sitting up, looking the man in the eye’s, not quite sure what to say to him.

“My name is Doctor Harrison; I’m the one who’s been looking after you these past three weeks.” As soon as he spoke something in Leo’s stomach contracted. Three weeks? How could he have been unconscious for three weeks? Doctor Harrison seemed to notice his concern and laughed.

“Yes, three weeks. You suffered from a brain haemorrhage. You were found in a small woodland area, a few miles north of here. The land around you was completely charred, burnt to a cinder. I was hoping you could answer me some questions.” He paused, and his expression changed to a much more serious glare.

“I want to know exactly what happened to you.” He almost shouted, making Leo feel even more intimidated. To answer his question, Leo simply gave a look of complete confusion and loss. Doctor Harrison started to look impatient, and he seemed to be getting more and more irritated with Leo’s silence.

“We were unable to find any data about you. There were no fingerprints, birth certificate or anything for that matter. According to our records you have never existed. Where are you from?” The questions spewed from his mouth one after another, and Leo was having trouble remembering them all, and he could only ever offer one answer.

“I don’t know.” He must have said it at least four times before Doctor Harrison got to his feet. He moved to the window, both hands placed behind his back and began to stare outside, as if he had given up hope.

“What’s your name?” He finally asked, after a fairly long silence, not taking his eyes off the window.

“Leo…” Was the answer he got, as it was the only thing Leo could actually remember about himself. Doctor Harrison finally turned back to face, still keeping his serious gaze.

“Well then Leo. I’d like to know what happened.” He repeated, and Leo found himself getting more irritated.

“I don’t know! I don’t remember anything!” His voice seemed to echo in his mind, as it had been the loudest thing he had heard so far.

“Well where do you live?” Another question from the Doctor, and Leo felt his patience falling.

“I don’t know anything! I can’t remember!” Leo’s answer was actually yelled at the top of his voice this time, scaring even himself. Doctor Harrison’s eyebrow rose about an inch, before the side of his head tilted, giving a very curious look. Slowly, he brought his left and up and brought it into contact with his left ear.

“Molly, I think we have a problem. Cancel Mr. Green’s appointment please.” He didn’t seem to be speaking to Leo, and that became far more obvious after there was a strange muttering coming from his ear, although it was impossible to tell what the voice was saying.

“I don’t care! This is far more important, just reschedule it!”
Doctor Harrison sat back down at the end of Leo’s bed, and looked at him very closely.

“Are you sure you have absolutely no recollection of anything?” He asked, placing his index finger and his thumb underneath his lip. Leo shook his head, positive he would hear that same question again at some point. Doctor Harrison ran one his wrinkly hands through his short hair.

“If you are sure about that, then you may have lost your memory in the accident. Amnesia is fairly common in cases like yours, but rarely as serious as this” He paused, as if he was about to give some very bad news.

“And we were unable to find any data on you. No fingerprints, no address, no nothing. Which means…” He stopped, which gave Leo time to process everything he had just been told. No data? So he wasn’t the only one had no idea who he was. According to Doctor Harrison it was like he had never even existed.

Leo looked up at the Doctor, giving him a look of concern. “So…you don’t know who I am?” He asked, praying for some kind of answer. How could he live a life if he had no memory of a past?

“I’m afraid not. This, as you can imagine, puts us in a very delicate situation. Put yourself in our place. We have a teenaged boy in the hospital wing. He has no memory of who he is, and according to our records he has never even lived before. All we have is a name.”

This means that you have no legal guardians, so until we can find something to do with you we have no choice but to keep you here.” He stopped, refusing to look at Leo directly, choosing to stare at the floor instead. Leo continued to remain silent; until he was sure Doctor Harrison had finished talking.

“What’s…going to happen to me?” Leo asked, finally speaking up. It took Doctor Harrison a while to answer, either because he didn’t know or he didn’t want to tell him.

“I imagine you will be placed into an orphanage until we can find you some real foster parents, but you still have to recover from your injuries until then.” He stopped, and then got to his feet. As he made his way to the room the atmosphere became very tense, as if the conversation wasn’t over. As Doctor Harrison opened the door he paused, then turned to face Leo again.

“I’m sure you will be fine, we just need to work out what to do with you.” And with his final words he shut the door after him, leaving Leo feeling lost in his own thoughts.

He summed up his own situation in his mind. He had no memory, no past, and according to people here he never had existed. He had been found in the middle of a jungle, beaten and bruised.

What was going on?

<*>

Paul Corner was never a patient man. In fact he could never wait for something more than five minuets before he felt his temper rise. And today his patience was being tested yet again. He was leaning against the wall, just outside his room, waiting for somebody to meet him. Every few seconds he glanced at his watch, his feet tapping the ground constantly. People passed his general area, some of then giving the odd greeting, but not stopping for a conversation.

It had been twenty-three minuets exactly when somebody arrived. He approached Paul slowly, as if taking care not to incur his wrath.

“You’re late. I told you to get here by nine thirty!” Paul yelled, his arms crossing over his chest.

“You also told me to expect seven calls. I received fifteen!” The man answered, refusing to let Paul make him feel guilty. Paul sighed, and then signalled for the man to enter the room.

Inside was a tiny cubical, about five metres in diameter. On one side, built into the wall, was the smallest bed possible to fit into the room, and a grown man would have trouble fitting into it. The opposite wall had a table attached oddly to it, and two chairs had been moved next to it. Paul made his way to one of the seats and sat down, signalling that his partner should do the same.

“As you may already be aware, we have a situation on our hands.” He began, watching the other man’s every move.

“Yes, I already know.” The man answered, his hands in his lap. Paul noticed something strange about the way he sat, as if he was scared of something.

“Two people have disappeared in the space of a week. We have yet to determine the cause. If there is indeed some problem with this facility we may have to take extra cautions.” He explained, keeping his figure extremely calm. The man opposite him took a deep breath.

“Do think Gargua is involved?” He asked, twirling his hand in the air, as if he had just pulled that suggestion out of nowhere. To answer, Paul slammed his fist into the ground.

“Gargua was a mistake, and it will never be seen again!” He yelled, his face going an odd shade of purple. Almost instantly afterwards he felt his anger subside.

“No, not Gargua. We haven’t seen it since its escape. We can only assume it died somewhere.” He paused, and then pulled a strange expression, as if he had just been punched in the face. He slowly rubbed his forehead, feeling a fresh wave of nausea coming in. He had felt like this a while now, since he had woken up a week ago. Strangest of all was the fact that everybody on the station seemed to feel exactly the same way. Most people suspected some kind of virus, and feared for their lives. Even more peculiar, the two disappearances had only started when the people felt this strange nausea.

“We can’t rule out the possibility that some illness may have claimed their lives, and if so it could claim ours.” Paul added, rubbing his unshaven chin, as he looked the other man directly in the face.

“Do you think there might be some kind of virus here?” He asked, looking at Paul as though he had all the answers to life.

“I doubt it. This facility is in orbit around the earth, I don’t see how a virus could get up here. I believe we may have something far more serious on our hands.”

<*>

…But the mind can also be a powerful tool of destruction, especially in the right hands. It is constantly emitting a constant flow of emotional energy, and the sheer power of this energy is so intense the human body cannot sustain itself without it. This energy, built up of pure human emotion, is known as the Rift, although finding someone who actually has knowledge of this energy is very rare…

Leo woke up. Instantly he sat bolt upright, covered in cold sweat. That dream again…But this time it was different. This time he had seen somebody, rather than just hearing a bodiless voice. He had only seen a silhouette of what looked like a fully-grown man, who spoke as through he was addressing an audience. But that was all he had seen, there was no sign of an audience.

Leo wiped his forehead, then looked around. The room was pitch black, and it was impossible to see anything. He blinked, wiping cold sweat off his face. Something felt different…what had changed since he had last been awake? Then it hit him; the bandage covering half his face had been removed. He lifted his arm up and run it across his face, then breathed a sigh of relief as nothing seemed to be wrong with his face.

He was suddenly aware of someone in the room with him, and froze. He squinted, trying to see through the shroud of darkness, and saw the figure of a man standing over him. For a brief second, the silhouette was a perfect mirror of the person in his dreams. Almost as soon as he realised this the lights flicked on. Leo had to shut his eyes again, to avoid being blinded by the sudden rays.

“Sorry if I woke you, but we needed to run some tests.” Spoke a familiar voice, and Leo didn’t need to open his eyes to know who it was. Doctor Harrison was standing to the left of his bed, clutching a small file in one hand.

“You seem in perfect health, no imperfections or anything. The only thing we could find was a mark on your chest. Very strange, could be birthmark. We are not entirely sure.” He explained, but stopped at the look of confusion on Leo’s face. He laughed, then instead of explaining further he held out a small pad of paper to Leo, who curiously took it into his hand. It was a photo, taken of a small part of his chest. Exactly where his heart would be part of his skin looked as though it had been burned in a line, but the mark was so fine it looked just like a tattoo.

Image

Leo stared at the picture for a while, his head tilted to one side. After about ten seconds he dropped the picture, then lifted his shirt off his skin, and looked down at his chest. There it was, unmistakable even in the dim light. He let go of his shirt and leaned back, looking up at Doctor Harrison hopefully, as if he expected some kind of an explanation to why he had been rudely awoken.

“There is a nearby orphanage for children with no guardians; we will have to send you there when you make your recovery.” Doctor Harrison informed him, as he handed Leo a small plastic cup. He took it with a shaking hand, and quickly drank its contents. It was completely tasteless, but defiantly wasn’t water, and he wondered if it was some kind of medicine. The two of them remained completely silent for a while, but then Leo spoke up.

“Where am I?” It had been the first words he had spoken for a while now, and they made his throat sting. Doctor Harrison raised both eyebrows, but then relaxed.

“You are in London. It is the year 2171. We found you crippled in the woodland just north of here.” He explained. They fell into silence. Leo didn’t know what to say, and the Doctor couldn’t think of anything to make him feel any better.

“Was there anything else Leo?” He asked, keeping a very friendly tone. Leo thought for a second, and then shook his head.

“Fine. Tomorrow we have to drop you at the local orphanage, and then we will come back to you after a week depending on how well you settle in.” He yawned, raising both arms above his head. As he made his way to the door he paused, then looked back.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” He muttered before making his way out the door. Leo instantly felt his head hit the pillow, his eyes shut tightly.
‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.’

Somehow, deep in his thoughts, he knew even then that the Doctor couldn’t have been more wrong.
Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy... they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird. -- To Kill a Mocking Bird - Harper Lee
  





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Mon May 14, 2007 7:48 pm
Royboy says...



One thing: when you use quotes, make sure you have the right punctuation. If the words after the quotes are describing how the sentence was said or the character that said it, the period inside the quotes should become a comma. The next word should be lower case as well. (ie: "See Spot run," said Mary.)

You have something going here, although this beginning is one that's been recycled enough. It's okay, though. You can still make this your own story. There are plenty of directions you can go from here, some of which will make your story quite interesting.

Who was he? He couldn’t recall anything of a past life, if he even had one. He knew his name, but that was all.

Who was he? All he could remember was his name, but that was it. As far as he knew he had no past life, no family and no idea where he was.

It seems a bit repetative, so you should probably cut one of them.

Alltogether, I liked your writing. I haven't read any science-fiction for a while, so if you continue posting, this'll be something different! *for me at least* PM me if you have any questions or if you post another chapter, because I'd be glad to continue! =]
[url="www.royacrystaldoesnanowrimo.tumblr.com"]Follow my 2011 NaNoWriMo progress on tumblr[/url] or [url="http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/734471"]friend me on the official NaNoWriMo forums[/url]!
  





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Wed May 16, 2007 5:58 am
gyrfalcon says...



Okay, I'm going to have to take this in little chunks. Please know that I crit because I care--I wouldn't even glance at this if I didn't think it was worth the time.



The human mind is so fragile. The simplest of things can shatter it; break it into tiny pieces that can be easily disposed of (try “easily disposable,” more concise). But the mind can also be a powerful tool of destruction, especially in the right hands…

That was where the dream ended. It had been a very peculiar dream, and Leo wondered if he even been asleep when he experienced it. There was nobody in the dream, just that voice. That voice that sounded so horribly familiar, although (maybe this is just a personal thing, but I’ve always hated the word “although,” maybe try something more like “…familiar, that voice he could never quite place” or somesuch) it was impossible to tell whom it really belonged to. But as soon as the dream had started, it was all over.

He tried to open his eye's (eyes), but found he could only open his left, as the other had been forced shut and covered with some sort of patch (you just need “covered with some sort of patch” here, the rest is redundant). Where was he? He tried to clear his mind, then realised (realized) that his location wasn’t the problem. Who was he? He couldn’t recall anything of a past life, if he even had one. He knew his name, but that was all. Rubbing his eye vigorously, (<comma) he looked at (be more descriptive than “looked at!” did he scrutinize, scan, gaze, glance, peek, inspect, gape, or what? “looked at” tells me nothing except that his eye is functioning) his surroundings. He was in what looked like a hospital ward, laying face up on a bed that was far too small for him (great detail!). To the left of the room were several glass windows that allowed him to see into the corridor, giving him quick glimpses of people walking past his room but not paying any attention to him (make this a separate sentence “They paid no attention to him.” or whatever). At his side was a strange machine, which had (with) a red liquid pulsing through some transparent tubes. Blinking, Leo followed one of these tubes with his eye, and noticed that it was attached to his wrist. He looked a little closer, and suddenly realised (hmmm…if you’re British this probably isn’t spelled wrong, if you’re American it’s “realized,” either way, I won’t note it again) that the red liquid was his blood.

He panicked, feeling as though he was a prisoner locked forever in a cell only five metres wide (this is awfully specific—is his room five meters—note, it’s “meters” not “metres” If not, simply “feeling trapped by the –insert whatever- surroundings” would work better, I think). At once he tried to rip the patch which covered his right eye off (hehe…sorry, just funny word order, sounds like he’s ripping off his right eye. Should be “tried to rip off the patch that covered his right eye”), but found something even more disturbing when he reached up. It wasn’t just his eye that was covered; half of his head had been wrapped up too! (Make this it’s own paragraph, just a one sentence para, and eliminate the exclamation mark—trust me, it’ll give it more punch) As he felt the fear coursing through him, a sudden sound made him jump. A very loud, high-pitched beeping was slicing through the air, making Leo’s hair stand on end. No matter how much he willed the sound refused to stop! (did he expect it to stop just because he wanted it to? If not, why mention this?) He grunted, and tried to cover his ears with both hands, but even that didn’t stop him hearing the sound (be more specific here—“the beeping” or “the incessant drone” or whatever, is better). The ear splitting sound was pounding into him, and it felt as if his head was about to explode. (try “into him, he felt as if his head was about to explode.”)

Only a few seconds later the door to the left burst open, and a very short plump woman marched inside. She was wearing a strange uniform, and her face gave off the impression that Leo had done something wrong. (hehe, I know that expression :D, oh, and eliminate "off" )
“Ah, you’re awake.” She muttered, ignoring Leo’s panic stricken (panic-stricken) face. She waddled casually (lol! Great description!) across the room and roughly opened a flowery (good detail) pair of curtains. Light flooded into the ward (wait a minute, is he in a room by himself or are there other people in beds nearby? *confused*), and Leo was forced to close his eye once again, trying to protect his pupil from the sun’s glare. (redundant) The plump woman was now fiddling with the machine next to him, and almost instantly the ear-splitting sound stopped.


Overall, I really like it, and I look forward to reading more! One general note, however: if he's lost his memories, how does he know his name? Maybe just mention the discrepancy. Ta!
"In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function...We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful." ~C.S. Lewis
  





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Wed May 16, 2007 3:22 pm
Kylan says...



I thought this was fantastic!! In my opinion much more masterfully done than your prologue! Your style of writing is very intriguing and you rarely tell (a good thing. Something I need to work on). Anyway, justa few comments.

Who was he? All he could remember was his name, but that was it. As far as he knew he had no past life, no family and no idea where he was.


Repititious. You already mentioned this in the last paragraph or so. Take it out, maybe.

“Just because you’re in a hospital ward doesn’t give you the right to stay silent! Talk to me boy!”


Awkward. People don't talk like this. Cut out the part about the hospital ward and clean it up a little.

“I’m not here to answer your questions! The doctor will be along shortly for that!”


Wait. Didn't she just want him to talk to her??? Why the change of heart?

very large pen


"With a pen", works just fine. Don't try to decribe everything.
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado
  





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Wed May 16, 2007 7:09 pm
Kylan says...



I thought this was fantastic!! In my opinion much more masterfully done than your prologue! Your style of writing is very intriguing and you rarely tell (a good thing. Something I need to work on). Anyway, justa few comments.

Who was he? All he could remember was his name, but that was it. As far as he knew he had no past life, no family and no idea where he was.


Repititious. You already mentioned this in the last paragraph or so. Take it out, maybe.


"Just because you're in a hospital ward doesn't give you the right to stay silent! Talk to me boy!"


Awkward. People don't talk like this. Cut out the part about the hospital ward and clean it up a little.

I'm not here to answer your questions! The doctor will be along shortly for that!"


Wait. Didn't she just want him to talk to her??? Why the change of heart?

very large pen


"With a pen", works just fine. Don't try to decribe everything.

The man yawned, covering his mouth with a very wrinkly fist


Get rid of "very". It makes you sound childish.

“I want to know exactly what happened to you.” He almost shouted, making Leo feel even more intimidated.


This seems extremely out of character for Harrison considering what I've already read about him... A minute before he was chuckling good naturedly and muttering to himself, and now he's interrogating??? Have him ask slightly nicer...

It had been twenty-three minuets exactly when somebody arrived. He approached Paul slowly.


I think you meant "minutes". You make this mistake later on as well
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado
  





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Wed May 16, 2007 10:08 pm
Kylan says...



I thought this was fantastic!! In my opinion much more masterfully done than your prologue! Your style of writing is very intriguing and you rarely tell (a good thing. Something I need to work on). Anyway, justa few comments.


Who was he? All he could remember was his name, but that was it. As far as he knew he had no past life, no family and no idea where he was.


Repetitious. You already mentioned this in the last paragraph or so. Take it out, maybe.


"Just because you're in a hospital ward doesn't give you the right to stay silent! Talk to me boy!"


Awkward. People don't talk like this. Cut out the part about the hospital ward and clean it up a little.

I'm not here to answer your questions! The doctor will be along shortly for that!"


Wait. Didn't she just want him to talk to her??? Why the change of heart?

very large pen


"With a pen", works just fine. Don't try to describe everything.

The man yawned, covering his mouth with a very wrinkly fist


get rid of "very". It makes you sound childish.


"I want to know exactly what happened to you." He almost shouted, making Leo feel even more intimidated.


This seems extremely out of character for Harrison considering what I've already read about him... A minute before he was chuckling good naturedly and muttering to himself, and now he's interrogating??? Have him ask Leo this question slightly nicer...

It had been twenty-three minuets exactly when somebody arrived. He approached Paul slowly.


I think you meant "minutes". You make this mistake later on as well, so check your spelling!

On one side, built into the wall, was the smallest bed possible to fit into the room, and a grown man would have trouble fitting into it.


Try: On one side, built into the wall, was a terribly small bed which any grown man would have trouble fitting into.

we may have to take extra cautions


How about precautions... :D

Again, I really enjoyed this. For the most part, your dialogue is very smooth and realistic - a talent many writers don't have. I enjoyed how you managed to fit the chest symbol into this piece, as well. Not many people do that anymore... I'm looking forward to ch. 2. You can PM me if you want when it comes out... :D .

-Kylan
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado
  








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