Young Writers Society

I'm definitely not what you'd call average. I'm one of the only pair of human clones sanctioned by the government.

How it all came about is a long story. Suffice it to say, it was a freak accident. Mom never knew she had me and Clark until two months after she conceived. I don't know about you, but I call that negligence.

"Hey, brother, get up."

I roll over on my side. "I'm awake, Clark. Give me two minutes."

He grins. "I won't give you any time if you want bacon and eggs."

"You little scamp, where did you get the eggs?"

"Not telling! It's a secret."

I fold my arms and sigh. Well, brothers keep their secrets. I think that's especially true with clones. When you share everything, even the same bedroom, it's tough not to.

My hip twinges, reminding me of an old fight. Those blasted doctors haven't set the bone right, and I was paying.

"Let me help you." Clark bends down and places a hand on my injury. In a moment the pain is gone.That little talent comes in handy. He can absorb pain and fatigue, but it costs him. He staggers as the drain hits him.

"Thanks," I say. Then I reach for a shirt. A big blue one catches my fingers. I slip it on and let it fall to my waist. Next is a pair of faded cargo shorts. Then I comb my brown hair into a neat part.

A few feet away, Clark goes through the same routine. His hair is longer and darker than mine; don't ask me why.

"So," Doc's voice comes over the intercom. "Are you two finally up?"

"Stuff it doc," I mutter. He makes a rude noise.

Clark gives me a thumbs up.

I fold my arms and sigh. Well, brothers keep their secrets. I think that's especially true with clones.

^^ mind explaining that?

It's quite a good start! Loooove the dialogue; it is humorous, realistic yet aloof.

Some detail could be added to give the story more body.

Will be waiting for more.
-Evang.

Your story's got potential but you needed to give some more details to make the begining more inticing. You could have delved a bit deeper into his childhood, or even just hinted a little bit more into his past. Describe the his appearance as well.

The beginning is a bit blunt, but yeah. The dialogue is nice. There's not a whole lot to review here, but it seems like a good start...to something.

this is really good, i want to read the rest of this story. You describe whats going on really well.

I like the dialogue, too. I'll read pt2 & pt3

Sorry, I may just be confused, but clones aren't really "born". So that didn't make sense to me. The dialogue was good, and i think the others pointed some things out I wanted to. I don't really like how you jumped between the story-dialogue and then explaining stuff. It was kinda abrupt.

Sounds good, though!

~Jedi Master Timea

THis is a pretty good beginning. Explaining things more a bit here would be good, but I think it would be really cool if you sort of explained things as the story progresses. When you put it all together, this part should draw the reader's attention since they want to know everything that's going on and the rest should answer the questions in pieces. Just enough to keep the reader reading but not so much that they can predict anything.