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Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:19 pm
NightsDreamer2277 says...



Jake
Ruby followed quickly, before rapidly transporting herself and the others to where Luke and Koichi waited with a young man. Stress reflected in everyone's eyes as they bolted for the closing exit doors. Blasting away anyone who tried to stop them, the group made it to the outer section of the compound. Quickly, transport us Luke! The jet's waiting just fifty yards outside the compound. Sari said, automatically speaking into his mind as she threw the security guards out of their path.

Nodding, the leader conjured up a ball of white energy. "Everyone grab on!" he shouted. As everyone's hands reached out to touch his shoulder, he pulled them through the energy portal. Feeling a jolt before a roaring noise filled her ears, Ruby sighed with relief before noticing that a new boy also hadn't landed on his feet. With a slight groan, Rubelle crawled over to him and gently touched his shoulder. "Are you ok?" she asked as his eyes seemed to cloud over.

He paused, brushing a lock of long white hair from his colorless eyes which only had a slight ring of silver around their snowy depths. Carefully, he nodded before gently placing his hand on hers. The colorless orbs now cleared to show golden eyes the exact color of Ruby's. "I'm fine, now that I am out of there," he said in a steady clear voice as he twisted a spark of power around his fingers with wonder before vanishing it in a cloud of smoke. "Is this your power? It is very fluid."

With a nod, the girl brought up a cord of power that matched the one he had been twirling on his fingers. Her eyes were curious as she stroked a lock of brown hair from her eyes. "What's yours?" she asked with a slight blush.

"I have the ability to absorb other mutant's powers, memories, and sometimes injuries," he said, staring deep down into her eyes. Truth shone in his eyes as he smiled slightly then removed his hand. The gold color was then replaced with the white again. "But I don't unless I have to. There's very little good that comes of it."

Sari also watched him carefully as she tended to her sister. "Are you blind?" she asked curiously.

"Yes, until I touch someone else… what is your name? I know Ruby's," the boy replied turning to Sari. "My name is Jake."

Pausing, Sari made a note of the face before reaching out to give him her hand so that he could feel her power. "My name is Sari," she said, watching as the eyes now became green. "I'm a mentalist. You know Ruby, and the two over there are Luke and Koichi."

Jake nodded to each in turn before glancing over to where Lena lay. Concern flitted in his eyes as he released Sari's hand to go over to where she lay. Kneeling beside her, he gently touched her wrist. A slight surprise came into his eyes as he sighed darkly.

"I know her," he said slightly disturbed. "She's the mentalist named Lena…. I've felt her power too often for it to be anyone else. When I was at that compound…they would often make me absorb her power so that they could do testing on her and try to extract her powers."

A shudder slid up Sari's spine as she looked over at Jake, trying desperately to keep her tone level and calm. Her hands were shaking and she swore that he could see her distress. "D-did they ever succeed?" she asked.

"No," he said to her relief before adding, "but there were other side effects of their tampering. Lena has no control over her abilities while she sleeps. When we were allowed to lodge together, her screams would wake me. She would absorb everyone else's nightmares and wouldn't be able to escape the horrors until I woke her."

Our old life was no fairy tale either, Sari thought darkly, wrapping her sleeping sister in a blanket. Even when we were little, she would wake up shaking sometimes from what she saw of Mom and Dad's memories.
There was a slight bump as the jet landed on the pad to the school. Shaken out of her thoughts, Sari picked up her little sister as Luke led Jake down the ramp. Carrying Lena, she took her to the medical wing with the others. It was standard for everyone to go through a check-up to make sure that there were no injuries.

After Sari had Ruby check her over in her room, she quickly began working on her sister. After cleaning the several cuts on the young girl's back and bandaging them, the mentalist reached through her mental connection to figure out what had happened to her sister while she had been gone for the past three years. Placing herself almost literally in Lena's shoes, Sari closed her eyes and sat back to watch.
Last edited by NightsDreamer2277 on Fri Feb 01, 2008 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
"When you need a stress relief, simply count to twenty. If you get to twenty and your still mad, go to a hundred. If you are mad after that, then go find some anger management, because we seriously have just wasted two minutes."-- Jazz
  





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Thu Jan 31, 2008 1:19 am
JabberHut says...



Woo! Next part's up!

Ruby followed quickly, [no comma] before rapidly transporting herself and the others to where Luke and Koichi were with a young man.


Use stood or spoke or some kind of action rather than were.

Quickly, transport us, Luke! The jet's waiting just fifty yards outside the compound. Sari said...


Quickly! Transport us, Luke!

or

Quickly transport us, Luke!

Ruby sighed with relief before noticing that the new boy also hadn't landed on his feet..


There's two periods there. :wink:

Also, I never knew of a new boy tagging along. Don't use the unless we have been introduced to the character. Try a strange boy or a new face. I trust you'll think of something. :)

He paused, brushing a lock of long white hair from his colorless eyes, [s]that[/s] which only had a slight ring of silver around their snowy depths.


Jake nodded to each in turn before glancing over to where Lena lay.


Concern flitted in [?] his eyes as he released Sari's hand to go over to where she lay.


...they would often make me absorb her power so that they could do testing on her and [s]to[/s] try to [s]extracted[/s] extract her powers."


"No," he said to her relief before adding seriously, "but there were other side effects of their tampering.


So he wasn't serious when he said no? I'd delete that.

It was standard for everyone to go through a check-up to make sure that there were no injuries.


Bravo once again! No more comments. Jake is a very interesting character. I like him. :) I can't wait to read about him more. However, maybe Sari would be quicker to tend to her sister? They could talk as they walked to the medical wing, right? I think an older sister would be worried about a sister she hadn't seen for three years, no?

Otherwise, good job. Can't wait for the next part. PM me! :D

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.
  








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